Heart & Soul, Mabel Dodge Luhan House, on the hill behind the zendo, Taos, New Mexico, February 2007, photo © 2007 by QuoinMonkey. All rights reserved.
My sister-in-law told me about a book she’d recently received as a gift, The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman. It’s about the ways individuals express love. And the ways they like to have love expressed to them. What makes you feel loved?
On a recent 62 degree November day, I was taking a walk by the Susquehanna River with my mother, and we started talking about the subject of love. The lively discussion led to many questions.
What if the way you are able to give love is not appreciated by your partner or spouse? What if your partner or spouse doesn’t know what makes him or her feel loved? What about friends? Isn’t it important that they know the things that make you feel appreciated?
According to Chapman, there are 5 primary languages of love:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
Think about the things that make you feel loved. Are they acts of service. Thoughtfulness. Gratitude. Is quality time high on your list. How deep is the well. Half empty? Half full? To love we need to be able to both give and receive. How do you like to receive? How is learning to receive different than taking?
If you’re having a hard time answering, Chapman provides some clues, questions to ask yourself to help determine your primary language:
1) What does your partner or spouse do or fail to do that hurts you most deeply. The opposite is probably your love language.
2) What have you most often requested of your partner, spouse, or friends? That thing is the thing that will probably make you feel most loved.
3) In what way do you regularly express love to your partner, spouse, or friends? That method may also make you feel loved.
After answering the 3 questions above, pick up your pen and do three, 15-minute writing practices:
I feel loved when…
What hurts me the most is…
I know my friends care about me when…
The journey is discovery. Where would we be without love?
-posted on red Ravine, Tuesday, November 20th 2007