Do you plan to never make eye contact? I thought I was a cold traveler, but you take the cake.
BTW, that haircut is kind of silly. It’s so David Schwimmer on Friends.
Dear Person Sitting Next to Me on the Plane,
Why did you have to take *this* middle seat? There was one available three rows up.
Wait a second, is that you who smells like garlic?? My God, did you take a bath in garlic oil?
Ah, I see. Someone packed you dinner for the ride. How nice of them. Mmm, garlic chicken. Yum. Ooo, garlic mashed potatoes. Wow, you just squeeze them out of the baggie into your mouth. That’s attractive.
P.U. I could do without the smell of steamed broccoli and cauliflower. I see you can’t.
Em, excuse me but the airline attendant is trying to pass me my peanuts. Yes, thanks. This is my dinner tonight. Not that you care.
Dear Drunk Man Sitting Next to Me on the Plane,
Don’t you think you’ve had enough to drink? I mean, they fill those glasses pretty full.
Really now, do you honestly need two Baileys-and-coffee after four glasses of red wine??
I mean it, you’d better be able to hold your liquor or I’m never sitting next to you again.
Dear Couple Sitting Next to Me on the Plane,
I take it you’re newlyweds. Sweet how you hold hands during the entire flight.
You guys are so young to spend the entire hour reading quietly like that. Gosh, you already seem to be like an old married couple.
Not that it’s any of my business.