Poem For My Father (the way love bends), Minneapolis, Minnesota, January 2015, © 2015 by QuoinMonkey. All rights reserved.
I found out about my father’s death from reading an obit. He died on Halloween. I wrote three poems on a Royal typewriter. I had not seen him in years; he never responded to my letter. It is a lesson in letting go. It is a lesson in blood ties, and ties through love. It is a lesson in the nature of human grief, something we may feel for that which was never ours.
-posted on redRavine, Sunday, January 11, 2015
You have my sympathy, QM. I clicked through to the other link and read of your mother remarrying; I’m glad your step-father was able to step up as a parent for you. Re your dad, I hope he was able to find some peace; sounds like he had done a lot of living before he was out of his teens. I hope you’ve found some peace, too. Maybe some of the difficulties have made you stronger?
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Thank you for your thoughtful comment. It’s good to see you are still blogging! So much has changed since we started all those years ago.
My mother did remarry and I had two wonderful step-fathers who gave much love and security to me throughout my life. Her first marriage to my blood father was when they were very young; they had both done a lot of living. I have no regrets about the twists and turns in my life. I feel grateful I reached out to my blood father before he died. I also reconnected with his sisters, my aunts. One of my aunts died about six months after my father. It pointed out to me how grateful I was that I went back South with my mother to research the family tree. It led to reconnecting with many relatives from my childhood and, eventually, to reconnecting with my blood father’s family.
I was surprised at how strongly it hit me when I read that my blood father had died. Maybe it was a combination of realizing that I’d never meet him as an adult, and wondering if he ever did read the letter I sent. At the year mark last October, I had another wave of grief but couldn’t publish these poems until now. It’s another step in letting go. Families are complicated. And I live many miles from family and roots. It sometimes leads me to wonder if I have done enough, said enough, told everyone I love them enough. I really appreciate you stopping by. I hope you are enjoying retirement. Best to you.
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