By Anonymous
As unaccountable as feeling, as inevitable, inconvenient and beautiful as tumultuous weather, a circumstance has arisen in which I am envied by a woman far more successful than I.
The Woman Who Envies Me, or let us call her WWEM for short, like a radio station, decided at some point that my life, my spirit, I don’t know what, I don’t know what, I don’t know, my circumstances, were, in their beauty, a source of personal torment to her, a sign of the complete arbitrariness of the universe in the handing out of sweet things, and began to torment me mercilessly, even as she tormented herself, with outbursts in my direction. As we were frequently thrown into artistic situations together, working on the same movie, being in the same play (both of us are comedians and actors), she would never come to the workplace intending to torment me. Rather she would be overtaken by this feeling of envy, never the master of it. Envy has no master! It operates with a terrible independence, diminishing the spirit even as it enlarges and bloats the sense of self! Once, during a rehearsal, the WWEM shrieked, without warning to herself or to me that anything was coming:
O who do you think you are! With all that! With all that! Just because you went to some Ivy League school! You think you’re all that!
I was obliged to point out to her that it was she who had attended an Ivy League university; I had been a high school flunkie who barely got into any college, and would be shaking a cup in front of the F train were it not that my father had been a professor at a college that felt more or less obligated to admit me.
Another time, having attended a solo show of mine at a New York theater, she followed me around the lobby of the theater after the show whispering frantically in my ear, wherever I walked:
fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you
The woman in question is a known screenwriter and actor, a mother, a wife, the author of two successful books, a person of financial means and connections, and enjoys excellent health.
Except for her envy.
The beauty of this story, the lesson for me, lies in its mystery. It is quite clear that she envies me desperately (the symptoms are all there; I recognize them from my own inner life). If I could find her in a moment of quiescent spirit, I could try to ask her why. There is no doubt in my mind that the answer would educate me deeply. No doubt whatsoever.
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An anonymous writer received honorable mention in the Out of The Blue Films, Inc. ENVY Contest at red Ravine for the short story Envy.
Congratulations, Anonymous, from Out of The Blue Films, Inc. and red Ravine!
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red Ravine is not liable for any actions by Out of The Blue Films, Inc., nor the Film. red Ravine has no legal responsibility for any outcomes from the contest.
Really liked this piece and the last lines in particular. Powerful stuff.
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This piece made me feel relief that there is no WWEM nor other Person WEM, as far as I know. I do understand that some people fixate on other people, and that the reason for the fixation must have something to do with a hole in the heart of whoever is doing the envying.
If someone envied me to this degree, I’d probably have a priest bless me or go to some other lengths to rid myself of that clingy and destructive energy. Certainly I would wear my anti-Evil Eye pendant (Ha, I promise I’m not trying to sell pendants), which I have started to wear more regularly since this whole topic came to our attention.
I enjoyed the direct nature of this piece, its subtle bite. There was a sort of black humor to it, a light but serious plea for the end to the torment.
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This piece made me think of that ice skater in the olympics who had her husband and his bullys bat Nancy Kerrigan’s legs to disable her from competition. Its envy that isn’t idle but pro active with fear of not being the one most envied. Its also the reflection of a torturous mind.
well done anonymous, this highlights how envy (as mentioned in another comment) can be a “sick puppy”
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Anonymous, what an interesting point of view. I do oftentimes see people become fixated obsessively on a person, but I too am baffled as to the reasons why they are fixated that way (even when you know they have everything!). It was oftentimes a mystery to me, and I could only guess. And sometimes, it’s even very subtle too. I have a classmate who was always trying to do everything better than me–her projects, her assignments, etc. She would try to get involve in the same things as I was. I could sense her frustration and sadness. However, she never was direct about envying me nor did she ever tell me personally or to anyone. It was only in her actions that it was apparent. Young and naive that I was, I didn’t comprehend this until one of my best friends told me that she envied me. She envied my creative talent and interests when I thought nothing of it. She thought this was all a competition, when all I’d ever done was to do my best and enjoying junior high school. It was really an eye-opening experience for me. At least, I’m glad to have demystified this envy situation.
Tricia, to this day, I still remember that ice-skating envy situation–with Nancy Kerrigan. It was probably one of the most memorable moments in figure skating history. You could tell the drama was intense!
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Anonymous, the piece is frightening in that this woman appears to be a stalker who won’t be happy until something terrible happens to you. What kind of demented person follows another person around muttering, “fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou” under her breath? I hope it isn’t as bad as you say. Envy has possessed her soul.
The piece effectively communicated that woman’s level of envy. Scared me. Hope you are okay.
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