Two old author friends, beloved by generations of readers and pranksters alike, came together for a brief reunion on red Ravine to talk about the challenges of publishing and staying relevant in today’s world.
I.P. Freely: It’s been ages, Seymour, ol’ boy. What have you been doing??
Seymour Butts: Likewise, I.P. What a pleasure to see you! Well, I never got married—just a perennial bachelor, I suppose. I live with my brother Harry and write books. Pretty sedentary life. Oh, although I just published a new book, inspired by the current financial crisis and the sudden rise of “Joe the Plumber.” It’s called Under the Sink, and it’s the first bestseller I’ve had since Under the Bleachers.
Freely: You don’t say?! Congratulations! Don’t tell me you’ve not been writing for that many years, though. Under the Bleachers must have been at its pinnacle back in the late 1970s.
Butts: You’re right, I.P. I wrote a lot of other books since then but none took off. I had a whole series—In the Locker Room, Women’s Sauna, Memoir of a Proctologist—but for whatever reason, they never made it out of manuscript. It was a bum deal, and I was pretty sore for a long time. How about you?
Freely: Well, Yellow River was great while it lasted, but it set off a host of copycats, notably A River Runs Through It. I was disappointed, of course, that Brad Pitt passed over our film script—in fact, that was a real pisser, but such is life. I had some blockage after that, but things finally got moving. I met a great woman, Toots, and we’ve been married for 15 years.
Butts: Hey, I noticed that red Ravine used your name for a title on a post about bathroom habits and stress incontinence. That might generate a stream of opportunities for you.
Freely: Doubtful, although I was pleased to see ‘em pick it up. Hey, I heard through the grapevine that “Seymour Butts” was the other title they were toying with. That would have been a nice plug for you.
Butts: Oh, indeed. It would have worked, too. Oh well, win some and lose some, or, as I say, see some and see none. It’s been grand talking to you, I.P. One last thing, do you see Mister Completely any more?
Freely: Nah, he got really depressed after his sole book, Hole in the Mattress, was such a downer. He and the Missus got a divorce.
Butts: Ah, that always a risk. Writing—it’s a hard life.
Freely: That it is, Seymour, that it is.
ybonesy, you would have loved the Saturday Night Live skit last night about Mr. Finger who is running for office. It was crass beyond belief. If that’s any indication, I think Seymour and IP may be alive and well for generations to come. 8)
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Oh shoot, I stayed up and watched most of it (there were two SNL’s last night, and I watched the one after the 10 o’clock news). I couldn’t stay up for the whole thing; I must have just missed Mr. Finger. Darn.
Yeah, Seymour and I.P. were a big part of my teenage years. I don’t know why I found them to be so funny, but I always did. I also have a host of what I call “brown” jokes and a bunch of sophomoric ones about jump ropes and elephants with diarrhea. (Did you hear the news about the elephant with diarrhea? It’s all over town!) I can’t tell the brown ones without cracking up while saying them. 8)
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Seriously demented inspiration this IP and Seymour Butts dialogue – loved it and am going to be snirkling for the rest of today! 🙂 G
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QM, darn I missed Mr. Fingers. Maybe it will show up on YouTube – seems like everything shows up there at some point.
ybonesy, Toots Freely?????? groan!
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Hah! Like Bo I let out a groan at Toots too 😉 But I always giggle at this kind of humor. I call it Jr High and since I have a kid IN Jr high right now, it seems right in line!
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Yeah, I couldn’t believe he married Toots…what are the chances of that?? 8)
And then Seymour’s brother, Harry. Hmmm….
Definitely Jr. High humor. I must have gotten stuck there somehow.
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jh had the best humor 🙂 nothing was taken too serious at least for very long
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