By Bob Chrisman
The temperature at 3:50 p.m. is 101 degrees with a heat index of 106. Chocolate melts in these temperatures. I can’t even buy it and put it in my backpack without arriving home to a glob of a candy bar wrapper that, at one time, held a perfectly solid bar of chocolate.
I’m going into withdrawal in this heat. Either I eat the chocolate as soon as I buy it or I don’t have it. The summer isn’t fair to us chocolate eaters. I pray for cooler temperatures, ones below the melting point of chocolate.
Perhaps that accounts for my foul mood of the last couple of weeks when temperatures soared into the upper 90’s and I abandoned any attempt to purchase chocolate and walk home with it. The withdrawal has reduced me to a feral human being scouring the fridge for substitutes. Carrots won’t do it, neither will broccoli or Brussels sprouts. I could always eat butter and crackers, but the mere thought of being without any chocolate, even for chocolate emergencies which occur quite frequently in my house, has made me sullen. I WANT CHOCOLATE…a bar of chocolate, a chocolate kiss, a dish of chocolate ice cream, a piece of chocolate cake…no, cake won’t do…it’s not the pure joy of the taste of chocolate on my tongue.
Pure chocolate (and I’m talking milk chocolate) melts on my tongue and wraps each of the thousands of taste buds in the bliss and ecstasy of the taste. They go orgasmic surrounded by the luscious liquid that bathes them in milky darkness. The saliva fills my mouth at the thought of the experience. This isn’t a good thing. No, I must quit thinking about chocolate or I’ll go crazy and rush out in the heat to a store where I will buy and eat chocolate bars until I satisfy this craving.
Reminds me of the time I decided to diet. I found myself in church with a friend who recommended the minister because of his good sermons. As he got up to deliver his address, I noticed that he walked like a chicken. The thought of chicken made my mouth water and from there my thoughts descended into all my favorite chicken dishes: fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy, chicken in a tarragon cream sauce, and finally my mind settled on cashew chicken from my favorite Chinese restaurant with a side of the greasiest and best egg rolls on the planet. My mind danced with the image of that dish, the smell, the taste. My stomach rumbled with anticipation.
Cashew chicken. I must have cashew chicken. I’ll die if I don’t have it. Feed me cashew chicken.
I felt the drool running down my chin and quickly wiped it away.
My friend turned to me, “Did you enjoy the sermon?”
“Yeah, I did. Is church over?”
“Sure is. What do you want to have for lunch?”
“Chocolate.” No, that’s now, not then. Right now I want chocolate in whatever solid form I can have it, heat or no heat.
NOTE: WRITING TOPIC — CHOCOLATE is the latest Writing Topic on red Ravine. Frequent guest writer Bob Chrisman joined QuoinMonkey in doing a Writing Practice on the topic.
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I’m praying for temperatures below the melting point of chocolate right along with you, Bob! Loved that line. Loved the whole piece!
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Now I want both a chocolate bar and some chicken. I’ll pick up both and be right over to your house.
Yes! The heat wave! It has made for a tiresome summer, and I long for winter.
Do you have an opinion about dark chocolate?
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dark chocolate seems like a health food to me and usually tastes like one. I can eat it (and will if it’s the only chocolate handy), but I prefer milk chocolate which makes my tongue and me very, very happy.
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Now all I want is chocolate covered almonds from Andres…
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Ever eat chocolate-covered potato chips? It’s the step-before chocolate-covered cashew chicken.
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I had a deep-fried Snickers bar in Scotland, but no chocolate-covered potato chips…yet.
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Bob, Bob, Bob,
Lack of chocolate has really caused you to lose your rational thinking! What’s wrong with a melted chocolate bar that a spoon wouldn’t fix? Also, what would stop you from buying all dry ingredients, plus butter (which can melt to its heart’s content with no consequence) and make some fudge at home? It starts out as a gooey mess anyway! Bob, you need some chocolate counseling. Here’s a recipe that also sidesteps the problem: 1/2 cup sugar, 2 tbsp chocolate powder. Combine in a dish and mix with spoon. Take spoon and shovel mixture into mouth.
Dane, Dane, Dane
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Here’s a link to get some, Bob. They come in a lovely Lucite container, in case it’s really hot outside. I’ve had them. I’m warnin’ ya that you may go orgasmic OR start believing in God.
http://www.amazon.com/Chocolate-Covered-Potato-Chips-Lucite/dp/B004E423CQ
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Darn you! I’ve been sitting at my computer’s blank screen trying to write my blog thinking I’d rather have chocolate. I snuck over to your post and look where’s it gotten me. No blog and covered in melted chocolate!
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Come to think of it I have had chocolate-covered chicken and in Santa Fe no less. A friend of a friend invited me over for chicken mole (mo-lay) which was a bittersweet chocolate sauce over chicken.
TC, what else would happen in Crazie Town but you think about chocolate and then read a friend’s blog about chocolate.
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Try M&M’s in one of the newer flavors, like peanut butter or caramel, Even if they melt in your backpack on the way home, if you refrigerate them, they will return to their normal solidness and still taste great. I always keep them in my fridge, no matter the weather. I like them best chilled.
No man (or woman) should be alone in a house without chocolate.
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Jessica, the milk chocolate covered almonds rolled in powdered sugar from Andres are a favorite of mine too. They don’t travel well in this 100 degree temperature.
Zane, making my own chocolate bar mess isn’t the same. I want someone else to do it.
Flann, thanks for the link and tossing chocolate to a sober choco-holic. I may have to order some.
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Crazie Town, don’t blame me for not writing your blog and distracting you. I know you and that you were looking for a reason to eat chocolate and not write. I simply provided one for you.
Jude, it is true that M&Ms melt in your mouth not in your hand as long as you don’t crack that hard, candy shell.
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ha! you’re too funny! especially loved your description about how noticing the guy walked like a chicken made you then WANT chicken. I’m like that, so suggestible about food. If I read about it or if the characters on TV are even talking about food, it creates an artificial craving inside me. Ridiculous but true.
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Roberto,
I totally agree with you about milk chocolate vs. dark chocolate. When was the last time we had the “Chocolate Box” at McCormicks on the Plaza…INSIDE…we must do that again soon and not wait for our birthdays.
Great piece of writing that made us all get in touch with our lust for chocolate.
Sherri
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Ever notice when you decide to quit eating too much that all of a sudden the world is full of food-related activities, print ads, and fast food commercials?
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Sherri, as soon as this heat relents, let’s go. But, if we wait for that to happen I may not see you until September. Thanks for stopping by.
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Ah, the almonds and the chocolate covered potato chips sound so good right now. Anything that combines salt and sweet is a friend of my taste buds. Bob, it’s so hard to keep chocolate and ice cream from melting in these temperatures. Crazy heat and humidity. Our windows are all steamed up tonight from the humidity.
Your story of the cashew chicken & church reminds me of Natalie’s story of sitting in the zendo when she was a student and thinking about how to make pot roast. Didn’t she tell us that story during one of the retreats? She may have said she never made the pot roast after leaving that sesshin; it just made it easier to sit to think about making it. I guess that’s Monkey Mind, too. Thanks for writing with me!
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[…] to Topic post and practices: WRITING TOPIC — CHOCOLATE, PRACTICE — CHOCOLATE – 15min, PRACTICE –CHOCOLATE – […]
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Ha ha, you stumped me with chocolate covered chicken in Santa Fe…mole! I forgot about that stuff. Pretty delicious but odd for us New Mexicans.
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Odd for us Missourians too.
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[…] Inspired by WRITING TOPIC — CHOCOLATE, the latest Writing Topic on red Ravine, Mike joined Bob, Teri, and QM in a Writing Practice on the […]
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What is it about chocolates that has everyone gushing? It’s gooey, sickeningly sweet or bitter, and the smells gives you nausea. I am not even talking about cavities and dental hygiene here. I have a very deep feeling that we are conditioned to like chocolates. Just like we are socially conditioned in every aspect of our lives.
Yet I have to admit that chocolate is good exercise for the teeth. Can you feel your jaws working while you chew on a glob that is stuck to your teeth, how it feels that it is going to drop off if you keep at it any longer. Long term, it can take care of your jawline and double chin.
What does this prove? Well, hate it or love, but chocolate you can’t ignore.
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