You know what I think of when I think of the word “impeccable”? I see Felix Unger from The Odd Couple. Remember Felix? He was impeccable in his behavior. Tidy and organized, precise. Precision, yes, that’s what I think of.
But the way this first agreement flows, Be impeccable with your word, well, the word “word” modifies the word “impeccable.” Impeccable is the adjective, and yet the object is what seems to modify in this case. We’re not talking about washing a dirty dish the moment Oscar lays it on the table after eating a hot dog. We’re talking words, powerful, meaningful words. Words that we yield.
They can be swords, daggers, a pat on the back. I remember a note from a colleague, not too long ago, that made me cry, a note she sent me by email in response to a note I had sent to someone else. My note was just a short thing, three or four lines giving praise to a new person we’d hired. I wanted the manager of that person to know how impressed I was with the new person’s attitude and performance. The colleague whose note made me cry had seen my feedback and said something like, “Roma, in case no one has told you today, thank you for caring so deeply about the people you work with.”
Just that one line. She was impeccable with her word. It was a reverberation, me being impeccable with mine, then me getting it back from someone else.
Don Miguel Ruiz says that with this first agreement alone, we can transform our lives. It’s that powerful. Don’t criticize unduly. Don’t abuse others with your words. Importantly, say what you mean and mean what you say. Live up to your verbal commitments. Be impeccable with your word even as you use it on yourself. Don’t let your inner critic bring you down. Those are words, too, the ones inside your head.
Dad was impeccable with his word. Words were important to him. They still are. He still wants to be heard. When I was a teenager and unwilling to listen, he wrote his words down in two or three letters he then slipped under the closed door of my bedroom or left on the kitchen table for me to open after he left for work. He was like Felix Unger in some ways, a tidy man with small and precise handwriting. His handwriting is shaky now, but then his writing looked like a professional cursive font.
The letters he wrote on yellow legal pads, and so he fit a lot of words on them. He told me the things he had tried to say to me but that I would shut down. What was important to him, the things he wanted to pass on, the wisdom he wanted to impart. He worried about me, the friends I had chosen, my boyfriend. He acknowledged that even though I had many bad habits, I was still keeping up my grades, and for that he was grateful.
He did pass something on to me, didn’t he? His honesty with words. That’s a powerful gift. And Mom passed on her love of words, too, the gift of gab, the love of gossiping. And even though don Miguel Ruiz says that gossip is a form of not being impeccable — and what exactly is the opposite of “impeccable”? Peccable? — I don’t believe that gossip is always bad. Not when it binds a family, becomes part of the way they communicate. A network. Stories passed down.
No, I think the opposite of being impeccable with your word is being careless and messy, or being mean-spirited with your precision, using your words like a scalpel. We can cut out a piece of someone’s heart with our words. Or making a commitment and then not meeting it.
And when we’re not impeccable, like I can tend to be at times, that’s human. But for the most part people are good. We just make mistakes, all of us, at different times. Sometimes we go through many years making the same mistakes, and other times, maybe when we’re older, we start to see our patterns and try harder to not repeat them.
-Related to post WRITING TOPIC — THE FOUR AGREEMENTS
[…] PRACTICE: Be Impeccable With Your Word – 15min […]
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yb, being impeccable with my words remains difficult for me at times. I want to talk to others without thinking first. Sometimes I don’t say what I mean in a rush to say something. These pieces on being impeccable with words have caused me to stop and listen to what I say to other people. I hope, like you, that I can improve someone’s day with a kind word, a recognition of what who a person is, a show of repect for others.
Thanks.
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That’s a wonderful story about your father. Written words can be even more powerful than spoken words. Some of us communicate more effectively in writing. I’m grateful for my parents’ love of words, the humor, the wordplay, the gossip, the many stories, the kindness. Thank you for reminding me of that.
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Thank you, Kathy and Bob. Kathy, I wonder if in your family you played word games. We sometimes played Scrabble. Now we play other word games, mostly at Christmas Eve. It’s a fun thing to do.
But we always played cards, sat around and the adults joked and told stories. And of course, we still like to sit around with our parents, who are quite old now. We often all show up there at the same time, on a Sunday early afternoon, and just hang with them. Talk about all sorts of things. We do love to talk.
Bob, you keep at it and I will too. Deal? It’s a hard one. QM mentioned that in her Writing Practice on the same agreement, I noticed. I think it’s easier when we slow down.
And I think it’s about honor. Be impeccable with your “word.” Not with your “words,” although that is implied, but with your word. Like “the word of God.” The crux is really about honoring your word.
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yb, there is so much talking these days. It is so easy to talk to people all over the world, anytime, anywhere. It makes it significant that you took the time and made the effort to offer written praise to a coworker. It also elicited a thoughtful written reply from someone else. It is nice to hear praise for a job well-done, but there is something about putting it in writing that adds a level of depth and sincerity. Is it the time? Does it add value when someone makes the effort and takes the time to put words in writing? I think it does. Words on a screen or a page stick in a different way than words blowing by in conversation.
Of course, to be impeccable with your word, attention must be paid to all your words. It is what we call a “mindfulness practice” in Thich Nhat Hanh’s tradition. It may be impossible to be perfectly impeccable with your word, but it is always of benefit to make the effort.
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