I’m sitting on the patio, the last of the cool morning air hanging on here with me. I listen to the energetic gurgle of two waterfalls in the pond. Notice that I don’t make assumptions about nature. I don’t assume anything about the water in the pond, well, except that it’s not potable. The mosquito fish must be getting big by now. I hope they’re eating all the mosquito larvae that float on the water’s surface.
I don’t make assumptions about the heat, don’t assign malintent to the place on the thermometer where the mercury hovers. It’s going to be a scorcher, an early June heat stroke in the Southwest. I assume it’s cooler here than in Carlsbad or Phoenix. I’d rather be here than there, although I’d rather this heat stroke not hit at all.
Just like I’d rather the Gulf oil spill not be happening. That’s an understatement. I can’t look at the pictures of oil-soaked pelicans, their watery eyes helpless behind layers of crude—CRUD—and not cry, not feel my stomach turn. I feel so helpless here, far away. I can’t imagine how the people of the coast feel. Ads featuring that British Petroleum CEO are playing these days, causing Jim to snarl at the television, “Oh shut up!” I don’t make assumptions or not make assumptions about that CEO. He is what he is, who he is, and like us all he is living a hell right now every time he thinks about what’s happening in those waters and beaches and reefs.
Assumptions. What is that saying—What does ASSUME mean? It means You make an ASS out of U and ME. How long ago did I first hear that and who told me? Was it Dad during one of our many fights when I was a teenager? We fought about my friends, my habits, his strictness, his expectations. I once got so mad during a fight that I threw a bottle of nail polish at Mom. Cooley and slowly capped the bottle, in my mind’s eye I looked at my freshly painted pink nails, blew on the tips of my fingers to make sure they were as dry as could be, and then I reeled back my arm, took aim, threw.
We made a lot of assumptions about each other then. I assumed my parents were out of touch, old-fashioned, incapable of understanding me. Now that I am the mother of a teenage girl, I wonder what assumptions, if any, she makes about me. I look at the assumptions I make about her. Surely from this writing practice I can take away that this is one place where I have to take special care to not make assumptions.
The pond still gurgles. It gurgles in spite of me here, in the waning cool. I think the scale has tipped, the day is officially hot. I wish it were that easy for me to tip the scale, to move from the place of making assumptions to the place of not making assumptions. I’ve never liked it when people label me. I don’t like to be distilled down by others so that they can better understand me. It’s not real, after all, those assumptions we make about one another. Not real, not like the heat of this day is real, nor the sound of water.
-Related to post WRITING TOPIC — THE FOUR AGREEMENTS
Beautifully written. This should speak to everyone.
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Interesting. Verrrrrry interesting. I read this piece early yesterday and thought about it a lot because of what happened during the day. I concluded that much of my life and the lives of people I know are based on assumptions. The situation where we make the assumption seems more important than the fact that we make them.
For instance, I assume the bus will eventually arrive (although it didn’t). I assume that no one will kill me while I wait for the bus or walk down the street (that one worked today). I assume that cars will stay on the street and not on the sidewalk (that one proved wrong). So some assumptions are made because we can’t doubt everything.
Assumptions about expectations and people and concerns may prove the most damaging. “All (enter kind of people) do this.” That’s an assumption that doesn’t always work.
I’ll think some more on this agreement.
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ybonesy, when I read your write on making assumptions and the one I did last night, I feel like you are so much more grounded when you are writing. It’s those details that are interspersed between your theories about assumptions. I could not get to that grounded place last night, kept hanging out in my head. I want to go out in the garden today and dig in the dirt.
What struck me about your practice was that you mentioned the generation before you, your parents, and the one after, your children. How making inter-generational assumptions can impact us. I can picture you there by the pond, on your patio. It’s a good place to write.
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I didn’t feel so grounded when I set out to write, QM, which is why I decided to take my notebook out to the patio and write there. Perhaps being outside woke me up a bit more than I might have otherwise been.
I think when writing about something like making assumptions, it’s easy to remain in one’s head. It’s not like writing about pickles or bones, is it?
Bob, I agree, it’s those assumptions about others that can be damaging, perhaps because they prevent us from having a more direct relationship with others. It’s not always easy to recognize when we make them.
I still remember something someone once told me about ending phone conversations. It’s common to say something like, “Well, I’d better go so you can get back to what you were doing.” If you’ve ever done that, you know that often it’s you who wants to get back to what you were doing, but instead of owning that simple thing, we use the person we’re talking to as our excuse. Or maybe we assume the other person is tired of talking to us. In that case, perhaps it’s a nicety, like not calling someone when they’re having a hard time because we assume they want to be left alone.
Small examples. I bet we can identify many more when we become aware of the fact that we are constantly making them.
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It’s hard not to make assumptions about the Gulf spill yb. We don’t have to assume…we know irreparable damage is being done. How we can put people into space but can’t plug a hole is beyond my comprehension.
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Ding, dong, ding dong. Do you suppose that the day we root out our last assumptions will be the day we cease to breathe?
One assumption I’m not going to give up is the one that leads me to expect I’ll always enjoy your writing practice pieces and find profound meaning in them.
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Thanks, Sharon! You’re always so encouraging.
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[…] I was a baby. -Related to post WRITING TOPIC — THE FOUR AGREEMENTS. Also see ybonesy’s PRACTICE: Don’t Make Assumptions — 15mins, and QuoinMonkey’s PRACTICE — Don’t Make Assumptions – […]
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[…] Also see ybonesy’s PRACTICE: Don’t Take Anything Personally — 15min, PRACTICE: Don’t Make Assumptions — 15mins, and QuoinMonkey’s PRACTICE — Don’t Make Assumptions – […]
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