By Eileen Malone
I’m phoning you, pick up, I say aloud
I know you’re there, I’m driving by your house
damn it, I see your car parked in front
there is no answer, not even a machine click
then I remember that you are dead
how I begrudged you winning first prize
when I couldn’t even earn an honorable mention
getting published when I was rejected
then the delirious joy when it was my poem
that they chose over yours, hah!
on and on we went, an abbreviation
of small black-winged envies
drunkenly sucking each other’s blood
holding us connected enough to scoff
and mock the achievements of other poets
deigning them lesser, mundane, trends
all we wanted was to one-up each other
but you one-upped, repaired your glory and died
and oh how I miss you, my beloved rival
your relentless push that I pushed back
now before whose earnest tight-lipped face
do I wave my award winning poem?
who do I phone, fax, e-mail, brag to?
no witness, it seems, matters as much as you did
for you, beloved rival, all that poetry
it’s as clear as a mathematical formula
all of it, even the unfinished, dismembered
it was all for you, and I never knew.
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Eileen Malone received honorable mention in the Out of The Blue Films, Inc. ENVY Contest at red Ravine for her poem Beloved Rival.
You can find out more about Eileen at her website.
Congratulations, Eileen, from Out of The Blue Films, Inc. and red Ravine!
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red Ravine is not liable for any actions by Out of The Blue Films, Inc., nor the Film. red Ravine has no legal responsibility for any outcomes from the contest.
What a twist on the topic! The idea that the one you Envy can also be, in a way, your Muse, keeping you producing and reaching and out-doing.
I am LOVING how each one of the ENVY Contest pieces that we’ve published on red Ravine thus far is completely different from the others.
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This is my favourite, by far. Eileen, you’re my winner. I read this over and over again, and every time I feel something different, or interpret something a different way. Love this. Congratulations.
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Scaramastra, it was interesting talking to Barbara Rick from OoTB Films, along with other staff members who selected the winning piece and the Honorable Mentions. I asked how it was to be on that side of the selection process versus being the ones with a work of their own in the running, which is the way it generally is for them. It must have given them a new appreciation for the subjectivity of the whole process of submitting your creative work for consideration and the results.
But you can see from the breadth and variety of the pieces so far that it is, indeed, a subjective process. I think they did an excellent job of identifying strong pieces overall.
I don’t have a favorite myself, although being an artist, I really loved the drawing, which we’ll see later in the week. But I did notice how they are all such different angles on Envy, and it opened my eyes to how I was kind of stuck in a single vein of Envy when I did my own thinking about it. I tend to think of Envy as one of the most negative and destructive of emotions, something to be managed, or avoided altogether if possible.
I was pretty linear in my thinking of Envy. Someone has or does something I want, but that someone is more along the lines of my peer, my age, my condidtions. I didn’t look at it from the perspective of the Envied, nor Envy of someone like my daughter, and not at Envy as a postive, a motivator. And yet, those are all so universal. I have certainly seen if not felt all of them.
That’s another one of the beauties in this topic and the OoTB contest. What a rich and great learning experience. I want to do it again sometime!
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“But I did notice how they are all such different angles on Envy…”
Isn’t that wild? I felt the same way you did in this regard. I actually considered entering this contest and decided against it as I thought my take on the subject would be far too non-traditional. I wish I hadn’t been so cautious.
Very curious to see the drawing, I’ll be tuning in. (I always am anyway. 🙂 )
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Scaramastra, this contest has been a good lesson for us all, I think. Certainly the diversity of the treatments should make anyone feel that there is no right way to be moved by a topic. Now you’ve made me curious as to what your non-traditional take on it was.
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I’d like to hear what your non-traditional approach was also, Scaramastra—- very curious!
Speaking of angles, am in the thick of creating the structure and approach for the film… and it’s a little bit of ‘dark night of the soul’ time. Getting great ideas and feedback from our amazing Team ENVY.. but have to sort of struggle through it solo, also.
Our remarkable conversation on red Ravine colors and informs this process, am sure of it..
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Enjoyed this poem greatly. And I’m not much of a poetry audience, usually. Reminds me I need to visit the great writing here more often.
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Hi, Neola! Would love to see any writing you have on ENVY. 🙂
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loved this piece, such a strong statement about the complexity of a very difficult emotion. Especially the unhealthy dynamic that occurs, the seething respect of the envied and a bit of self pity as well.
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Eileen, very well written poem that captures an aspect of envy that I don’t often think of. Like the competition that drove Mozart’s rival to create more and more music and receive less and less recognition. Excellent job.
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