By Barbara Rick
Envy Green, New York Botanical Garden, 2008, photo © 2008-2009 by Barbara Rick. All rights reserved.
It’s a hard, rotten knot of a word. Sinister. Secret. Has a way of gripping me by the throat and squeezing my soul of rational thought, patience, and generosity. Keeps rolling in like a black wave. ENVY.
After a crushing professional disappointment a while back, I found that I was brooding. Dark and long. Gnawing on the ‘injustice’ of it all. Sneering as I licked my wounds.
I became aware that I — as spiritually evolved and as peaceful a meditation warrior as I like to believe I am — was hobbled by something much bigger and darker than myself. Something slithery, lizard-like and primal. I was on to ENVY.
Touching its long thin tail. Up to my shins in it. And if it was giving me this much trouble, wrestling with me backstage in my accomplished, prosperous, abundant life, chances are it’s doing a number on everyone else as well.
So I began digging, peering back through human history, and what I saw knocked me out.
The story of Cain and Abel, for starters. That’s when Cain, a farmer, turns on his shepherd brother because God liked Abel’s gift better. Cain, who by all accounts hadn’t even given much of a gift, was enraged anyway and ‘set upon’ his brother in a field. At the root of this first recorded homicide? ENVY.
Treatment of the Jews in the Holocaust? Not just the scapegoating, but the Germans preferred to actually lose the war than let up for a second on the extermination campaign against the Jews. ENVY, again.
Driving those planes into the Trade Center towers on 9/11? Yes.
Hostile, implacable, illogical, petty, deadly ENVY.
What a juicy, throbbing idea for a new documentary! We are intensively at work on this as we speak at my company, Out of The Blue Films, Inc. Seeking and receiving support and insights from some of the best minds in the world on this subject; scholars and artists musing, informing, inviting, seducing others to look at something most dare not. This film will be a bold, insightful, humorous exploration of the causes and consequences of this most corrosive human emotion.
Why and how is ENVY at work? It has a chameleon nature. First you see it, then you justify. It’s the squirming worm under the rock of history, hiding from the light. Exposed occasionally and brilliantly by Shakespeare, Dickens, immortalized in Salieri’s encounters with Mozart … Iago’s loathing of Othello … Cassius’ for Caesar … Claggart’s Billy Budd.
Viscous and vicious… elusive… a most urgent threat: between siblings, neighbors, nations. The evil eye. Often confused with jealousy, which, our ENVY scholars tell us, is often easier and softer for many to admit. Jealousy involves three people, and the fear of losing something you already have, while ENVY is typically between two people: that painful, searing feeling you get when someone else has what you long for and fear you might never get.
It’s the most shameful of the deadly sins, the mother of all others, writes Chaucer.
The driving, writhing force beneath most beloved fairy tales from Cinderella to Snow White. Scholars agree it casts a long, long shadow on humanity and its greatest power is that we are afraid, unwilling, or unable to look at it. Its care and feeding in secrecy under our dark collective psyche is the most damaging of all.
So we are calling it out, conjuring it up, exposing it to the best of our ability.
Trapped, photo © 2005-2009
by B. Rick. All rights reserved.
We’re asking you, and others: Whom and what do you ENVY? Who has envied you? How has ENVY impacted your life?
London, photo © 2005-2009
by B. Rick. All rights reserved.
We’re using unique storytelling techniques to tell this dark, dangerous and ultimately triumphant story of human good over human evil — embracing the worst of ourselves to coax out and harness the very best.
What long and twisted roads has ENVY chased you down? When did it sneak up and scare the daylights out of you? Chain your heart and mind? How did you escape? Or didn’t you?
Please share with us your essays, short stories, poems, haiku, watercolors, oils, collages, drawings, photographs, and music. One of you will win a prize: a bright and shiny new Amazon Kindle. Any and all entries, or excerpts of them, could end up in our revolutionary and groundbreaking documentary. No promises, of course. Remain anonymous if you wish, that’s fine.
Shine a light on your ENVY. Chisel at it with your pen or paintbrush – splash some sunlight on your darkest corners. Walk together with us, deep into it and out onto the other side. It will be a hell of a ride.
________________________________________________________________
TOPIC – ENVY (A PRE-CALL FOR ENTRIES)
The 
ENVY Contest at 
officially starts in two
days, on Thursday, June 11. That’s when we publish here at
the ENVY Contest Submission Guidelines. Your writing or
visual entry may be selected as the winner of an 
.
So come back on Thursday, June 11, to read the ENVY Contest Submission Guidelines. We’ll tell you What creative forms are accepted and in what formats, and Where to send your entry and How. We’ll also provide the Terms & Conditions for the ENVY Contest.
Don’t miss your chance to win an Amazon Kindle, the reading wireless device that you hold in your hands like a book and that can carry in its memory thousands of titles that can be downloaded from the Amazon library — so you can read anywhere, anytime.
________________________________________________________________
Barbara Rick is a Peabody & Emmy award-winning filmmaker/journalist based in New York City. She is president and founder of Out of The Blue Films, Inc., creators of exceptional documentaries on important social issues that ignite positive action and promote open dialogue.
Recent films include ROAD TO INGWAVUMA (ing-wah-VOOM-ah), which chronicles the unique delegation of some of America’s most respected artists and their families to post-apartheid South Africa, and IN GOOD CONSCIENCE, one American nun’s battle with the Vatican over the rights of gay and lesbian Catholics.
ENVY is the latest project from Out of The Blue Films, Inc. in keeping with the company’s longstanding mission to tell the most inspiring stories that explore, articulate, educate, and celebrate humanity.
red Ravine is a vehicle for the promotion of this contest. red Ravine is not liable for any actions by the Producer, nor the Film. Any submissions are made directly and solely to Producer and not to red Ravine. red Ravine has no legal responsibility for submissions nor for any outcomes from the contest.
redravine.wordpress.com 
Corrosive is the perfect word to describe this particular emotion, Barbara. It does eat away, doesn’t it? I’ve always struggled with the difference between envy and jealousy, but now I’ve got it straight. Envy is just between you and object of your envy.
I have early memories of envy. I envied my best friend. She had silky straight black hair and was beautiful. She had a horse, too, another thing to envy about her. I saw her recently, and I had no envy. Envy is a mutable thing, but why? I suppose I envy other things now.
Also, not everyone envies to the same degree, do they? Yes, it’s a universal emotion, but why do some envy so much more than others. And some people who have a TON continue to envy. It doesn’t seem at all related to how much one has, but rather how much one wants.
Rich, rich topic. You’ve hit a vein, Barbara.
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Another thought I had is how it’s become common to hear people say, upon hearing some good news about someone, “Oh, I envy you!” Have you noticed how people say that, too?
I’m wondering now, is that a way of diminishing the strength of the emotion?
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I’ve been thinking about envy and jealousy a lot since we started this project with you, Barbara. How jealousy takes on the form of not wanting to lose something you already have. Yet people do strange things to each other because of jealousy. I wonder, too, if jealousy is something that most times all 3 people involved are aware of. And ENVY seems more secretive. You can envy someone or something from a distance and they might never know. Yet all that negative energy gets directed their way.
ybonesy, about some envying more than others (even those who have a lot) I wonder if that’s maybe about living from a scarcity model of life rather than an abundance model. Some people, no matter how much they have, it’s never enough. They have no concept of the abundance model, that there is enough for everyone, enough to go around. Some are content with less because less can be abundant, too. I’m interested in that side of envy — the scarcity model vs. the abundance model and how people choose to live. Some of it is learned behavior. But is some of it innate?
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Barbara, I also wondered if you could talk more about how you got into this project. And what kinds of discussions have been coming up as you’ve been working on the film. I’m guessing it’s not a place people are wanting to visit as freely as they might some other emotions. Are you running into a lot of resistance from others or unwillingness to open up about Envy? And at what point does Envy become harmful to a person (or others).
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ybonesy, first I want to say how much I appreciate the beauty & creative opportunity here with you and QuoinMonkey and red Ravine!
And thanks for sharing early memories of ENVY. Once I started scratching the surface, a whole bunch of stuff emerged… and is still landing.
Aristotle said something like ‘potters envy potters’.. in other words, one usually envies those close to oneself in profession or station… Also, I was surprised to learn that the more accomplished one is, the more envious they often become! Wild.
In my experience, people admit out loud about envying people only when there isn’t very much at stake… in other words, if it really ate at you, you probably wouldn’t say to the person you’re envying, ‘Oh, I envy you’… you’d probably keep it to yourself and nurse a good, long grudge in secret. 🙂
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QM, re: living from a scarcity model of life rather than an abundance model, is it an outlook on life? Can it be learned? Please say more.
Barbara, if people envy more as they get more, begs the question, is Greed a close cousin to Envy? They seem to go hand in hand moreso than, say, Rage and Envy. Or even Gluttony and Envy.
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QM, you raise a lot of interesting points about ENVY. I’m going to try to get a couple of our scholars on here to help clarify things as we go along. These folks have been studying ENVY for decades, and I’m only a nascent enthusiast. 🙂
Professor Richard Smith from the University of Kentucky is brilliant on all this… as is Dr. Carolyn Ellman, a post-doctoral scholar at NYU. They’ve been a tremendous help.
Sometimes jealousy and ENVY are entwined, i.e. if your wife is interested in someone else, that can stir jealousy. If the someone else is drop-dead gorgeous, wealthy, and brilliant, bingo: you experience your jealousy with a side of ENVY.
I totally agree with you, QM, about the scarcity and lack business. Sometimes I have to really work my abundance muscle, and practice guerilla gratitude, to pull the obsessive focus off what others have that I don’t.
Dr. Solomon Schimmel, another one of our amazing consultant/advisors on the ENVY project, wrote a fantastic book about the 7 Deadly Sins, and in it he has a list of things one can do to counteract ENVY. We’ll be sharing that down the line…
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guerilla gratitude…love it!
and …jealously with a side of envy. Ouch! I can attest, I have experienced that!
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As for how I got into this project originally, QM, I guess my daily meditation practice has a lot to do with it. I find the repeated ritual of quieting my mind, however imperfectly, fertilizes my creativity so that ideas sort of spring up naturally, regularly… and because of the willingness to be quiet, I can actually hear the ideas that I have, and pay attention to them.
I was really struggling with ENVY a while back… and because of my mediation practice I was able to observe it and say, now that’s interesting, let’s take a closer look at that.
You are so right, QM, that the world is not beating down our door wanting to learn more about ENVY!
It is a VERY CHALLENGING topic to invite people to take a look at. There’s not all that much research; there’s a REAL resistance to exploring this very corrosive emotion. We have our hands full with this film, for sure.
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ybonesy, in response to your comment:
QM, re: living from a scarcity model of life rather than an abundance model, is it an outlook on life? Can it be learned? Please say more.
I don’t know for sure. My personal opinion is that it can be an outlook on life and that it’s mutable — it can be changed. But it takes a lot of hard work (my opinion) to change a deeply rooted belief like that — the belief that there is not enough to go around so we need to grab as much as we can, any time we can grab it.
My experience is that GRATITUDE and SERVICE to others are the ways that the scarcity model of living gets turned around. The focus has to move from the individual self to the larger global community. Or to giving to someone in need. Not material things so much but time, energy, a listening ear. Then gratitude and service have to be practiced before a person starts to turn their beliefs around.
Does anyone remember how long you have to repeat an action before it becomes a habit? Is it 3 months? I can’t remember. But the repetition of things that reinforce the abundance model is helpful. I sometimes do the mantra: I am enough. I have enough. There is enough for everyone.
But then my next question is: are there times when jealousy or envy are motivating for us? Can they move us to get unstuck or out of a situation that might not be good for us?
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QM, that’s a great question I don’t know the answer to: at what point does ENVY become harmful to a person (or others).
ybonesy, yes, I think greed & ENVY are siblings for sure. One bit of reading we did a long while back even referred to ‘Grenvy’ the potent combo of greed & ENVY.
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QM, I really like the way you boil everything down to Gratitude & Service. I’m with you on that, although it is kind of a full time job to learn how to wrap your mind around it, yes? It’s a practice, I guess, just like everything else.
I think that the scholars would say, and we are discovering, that benign ENVY can be a positive motivator, for sure.
But real ENVY, always has a hostile edge to it…
Julia, in our office, found a few of these quotes on the internet which kind of say it for me:
Our envy always lasts longer than the happiness of those we envy. -Francois Duc de La Rochefoucauld
Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.
-Josh Billings
It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered. -Aeschylus
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Barbara, I think it’s really good to explore these shadowy places, to expose them to the light. ybonesy and I were talking about this the other day, regarding the work of surrealist artist Cathy Wysocki, a recent guest on red Ravine (LINK). ybonesy called her work “disturbingly beautiful” on our Twitter post. Cathy explores some of these darker places with her recent paintings. ybonesy and I were talking about how people might be in agreement around a cause, for instance supporting peace by showing up for a Peace Walk in our community, or showing up for a Take Back the Night to support ending violence against women, but that might be as far as some can take it. When it comes to actually looking at the nitty gritty of what’s so disturbing for us, we might shy away from the actual visual images or coming face-to-face with people who have been through something violent like war or abuse against women. Maybe it’s the same with envy. But then, it’s our willingness to go there that transforms us as humans and as a society. And sometimes it’s the writers, artists, filmmakers, whatever the media, who will take the risks.
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Wow, beautifully said, QM.
I have to tell you that we did this cool thing for the documentary that is an example of exactly this point you’re making.
My good and talented friend, playwright Matt Hoverman, teaches actors, writers and others how to tell and perform their own stories. Check him out on createyourownsoloshow.com
We commissioned Matt to gather a group of his students, sixteen folks willing to come up with true, brief stories about their personal struggle with ENVY. The workshop and performances took place all in one afternoon and evening. We filmed the rehearsals and the private performances in a black box theater in Manhattan.
The emotion, the electricity, the power on that tiny stage— I can’t describe it. People were saying things out loud that have NEVER been said out loud before, you could just feel it. Mesmerizing.
And the relief and joy, afterward!!!
The soundman on the shoot wrote me a personal note, the day after, saying he will never be able to look at people again the same way… that the honesty and the pain shared in these people’s true stories generated a compassion in him he hadn’t experienced before. Amazing.
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That’s a good story. The work with Matt Hoverman seems like a great place to explore something like envy. I bet it was amazing to film that. That seems like another part of transformation — coming clean. So hard to put into practice. I’m going to think more about my personal relationship to envy. I think it would be fun (well, is that the right word?) to go out and photograph with that theme in mind — of capturing that feeling.
I have another question I wondered if you’d come across. Have you run into any research on envy in children vs envy in adults? Does it change inside us with age? Or remain somewhat the same.
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…‘Grenvy’ the potent combo of greed & ENVY…I wonder if this is the genesis for the idea that envy is green. “Green with envy”–where did that saying come from? Does envy make us nauseous? Or, is it because green is the color of money. Probably not the reason, though, as greenbacks are a US thing and a relatively recent thing.
…are there times when jealousy or envy are motivating for us? Can they move us to get unstuck or out of a situation that might not be good for us?…
OK, time for personal disclosure on envy (maybe it’s the black box theater image that moves me this way)…When I was growing up we lived in a well-to-do neighborhood. However, my parents were super frugal and practical, and they didn’t indulge us. We ate beans and tortillas, and I often felt like the kid looking out the window at all the things others had that I didn’t have. I believe that experience has almost everything to do with the fact that I work my butt off now to never feel that I don’t have. I know there was envy in that childhood of mine. I believe envy motivated me in some way.
But maybe as I explore it more deeply I’ll find it’s not truly envy. I’m not sure I see the hostile edge to it. Maybe it’s a distant cousin…desire.
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Wow, another great question, QM. Another one for our scholars!
I can tell you that, regarding children, we did some remarkable filming already for this project. Third-graders in Union City, New Jersey. We have their stories and their art about it. We even did an on-camera experiment that is so revealing about how kids feel and deal with ENVY, Professor Richard Smith viewed this footage and said he thought that there would be a strong interest in the scientific community in what our cameras captured.
The class is run by my sister, Mary Ann Rick, and was filmed in part by my cinematographer husband, Jim Anderson, so it was a family affair to boot.
I love the idea that you are going to do some photography with ENVY in mind… and you’re right: fun is probably not the word. Valuable, deep, really cool, ultimately transformative: yes.
It’s no joke the damage that ENVY has done… yet it is also true that we wouldn’t be here without it. It’s definitely, in evolutionary terms, about survival. As Richard Smith says, this stuff MATTERS.
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I’m also intrigued by the childhood aspect. Learned or innate, too. That part is fascinating.
I don’t remember my mother being envious, or my dad. Dad takes his deadly sins seriously. I do remember Mom mentioning on my grandfather’s side that there was envy in that family (grandfather’s) with the siblings. In the Spanish tradition, 100% of the assets, which included thousands of acres of land, were given to the oldest brother only. That could have been the impetus, I suppose.
Barbara, meant to mention, your Envy Green is gorgeous. It pops on my high-density screen.
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ybonesy, the ‘green with envy’ expression came from Shakespeare, I believe.
Speaking of Shakespeare, I had the great opportunity to see a fabulous performance of Othello by Theater for a New Audience, here in Manhattan recently.
The character of Iago is, I think, the most glaring example of pure ENVY in all of literature.
Iago was played by the gifted Ned Eisenberg in that production. He’s now one of our consultant/advisors on the ENVY project!
We also reached out to Jennifer Tipton, the two time Tony winning lighting designer and Genius grant winner. She helped craft our lighting for the solo show performance at the black box theater. We’ve met such amazing and generous folks on this journey. Brilliant.
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I was going to say that I want to come to the opening night of your film, Barbara, and then that got me thinking of all the beautiful people who might be there, which got me thinking of how much envy that would inspire, which made me wonder if there are circles in which we move that create more envy than others.
In other words, is it harder to avoid envy in Hollywood than in South Dakota? (Although, now with the latest lottery winner in SD, perhaps envy is having a heyday there, too.)
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ybonesy, I like the story of you as a young girl.
Interesting about your family! I believe that envy runs deep in Spain, I seem to recall that in our research… will check that again.
My guess is that it is both innate and learned.
I have a correspondence with a prisoner on death row. He’s looking into whether ENVY played a role in his crimes. He doesn’t think it does.
That’s the tricky thing about ENVY… sometimes we are in denial, talk ourselves out of it, because it’s very painful to admit. And sometimes our anger, disappointment, sense of the unfairness of things, really has nothing to do with ENVY.
A lot of people say, ‘I’m jealous’ rather than ‘I’m envious’ because it sounds a little softer and a little easier to ‘fess up to.. but what they often really mean is ‘I’m envious.’
Thanks for the kind words about the photo, ybonesy.
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I think today’s celebrity culture has A LOT to do with unbridled, pandemic ENVY. That’s another thing we’re examining for the film.
One therapist I spoke to in L.A. said that Hollywood was a hotbed of ENVY. His clients have so much, he said, and yet their focus again and again festers on what they don’t have. That gets back to the idea that the more competitive you are, the more you accomplish, the more ENVY you might be feeling.
I think, too, the closer you are to achieving your goals, the more painful it is when you don’t. You probably don’t lust after an Academy Award if you’re a plumber, but you sure do if you’re a filmmaker. That I know to be true. 🙂
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Although any woman could be envious of Angelina Jolie (or fill in the celebrity name) for her looks and her life, which is probably why shows like Entertainment Tonight do so well.
Culturally speaking, los hispanos believe big-time in the evil eye. Even my mom would tell me, when my daughters were infants, to cover their faces when I went out in public. That you didn’t want someone to give them the evil eye.
What strikes me about the evil eye is that it is not the person who has the envy who suffers for it, but rather the object of the envy. If envy is a deadly sin, shouldn’t the one who envies suffer more than the one who is envied?
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Julia, our associate producer and asst. editor, was just telling me last week about some research she came across that indicated that the bridal veil originated as a way of warding off the ‘evil eye.’
Dr. Ann Ulanov who co-wrote the wonderful book, Cinderella and Her Sisters, makes the point that ENVY is ‘admiration gone sour.’
She writes: ‘In a startling way, the experiences of the envied and the envier are greatly alike. Both feel invalidated as subjects, turned into someone else’s thing, mere objects. Both feel helpless to fix the broken relationship and dependent on the other to repair it. Both feel emptied of goodness.’
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I envy people who have made peace with death.
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I do not envy people who own a Kindle* as I would like to be envied by the volume of poetry I hold in my hands.
*the poetry available for downloads is still paltry.
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Barbara,
I heard myself laugh out loud when I read your piece. Not because you were trying to be funny, but I could hear your voice in your words. I could see your expressive face, and hear you putting a lot of punch into particular words.
Envy. Yes. I’ve felt it a lot. Jealousy, too. I lived in a place of lack for so long; everyone seemed to have something I wanted that I’d never get. And they appeared to have gotten it all so effortlessly. That added insult to injury.
I’m sitting outside the Blue Moon Cafe in Minneapolis, a favorite summer haunt. A man just walked by me and said, “You’ve got the best office in the world. I’m envious!”
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Flannista, good to hear from you! I don’t really know too many people who have made peace with death… now, THERE’S another subject people avoid.
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Teri, thanks for your comments. You are such a wonderful storyteller and writer, it’s been a pleasure to get to know you and your work.
Yes, ENVY is something, isn’t it? Very juicy.
It does sound idyllic at the Blue Moon Cafe. I envy you, too.
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I am thinking about the flip side. The “I don’t envy you…” It might be called pity, a useless, exasperated breath of an emotion that says at least I’m not in her pathetic, sorrowful shoes. Having been the person on the underside of the leap frog in which a friend (who had just lost all his money to Madoff) said, “I was feeling really awful but then I remembered what YOU are going through…” This did not make me feel good. It’s the comparing that is so seductive and so devastating whether we are up a leg or down. It’s like we are pack animals always seeking our place in line. The better than, worse than, putting people in boxes with appropriate labels. The problem being that when we are boxed and labeled there is no space for the heart connection, the “me too” that tells us we are not alone.
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Barbara, the topic of envy for a documentary sounds fascinating, especially when you tell of some of the work you have already done.
Out of curiosity I looked up the meanings of “envy” and “jealousy”. The Random House Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary says, “Envy and jealousy are very close in meaning. ENVY denotes a longing to possess something awarded to or achieved by another. Jealousy…denotes a feeling of resentment that another has gained something that one more rightly deserves.
Cain envied the relationship between Abel and their god. He was jealous of the special favor that their god granted Abel when he chose Abel’s sacrifice over that of Cain. (Can’t say that I blame Cain at all.)
When I went to college, I envied the rich kids who didn’t have to work, had fancy clothes and cars, and went to fabulous places for vacation. When I got to know them, I didn’t envy them as much, but I was jealous sometimes.
Janine, seems we are always comparing ourselves to other people. I hadn’t really thought of what “I don’t envy you…” might mean. I will reflect on that for awhile.
Barbara, look forward to the contest. I’m already searching my mind for examples of envy that I could write about.
Best of luck to you on the project.
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Some great comments here. I’m struck by Janine’s “I don’t envy you…” description. It’s the Underbelly, isn’t it? Like “I Remember…”, “I Don’t Remember…” in Writing Practice.. I’m going to ponder that one. It does seem like a form of pity. Is that the Underbelly of Envy? Hmmm.
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Janine, I love how you brought in the flip side. Was just listening to Natalie Goldberg’s wonderful ‘Old Friend from Far Away’ CD on memoir writing… and she talks in there again about the use of opposites of things in writing practice: ‘I remember’…. ‘I don’t remember’, that sort of thing. Remember she used to talk a lot about that in our writing intensive in Taos.
Wow, your expressions: ‘underside of the leap frog’ … ‘pack animals always seeking our place in line.’ Love it.
I remember admitting to a friend once that like my old Cairn terrier, Jack, I always like it better when I’m out in front. She thought it was really interesting that I could admit that. Not sure what happened but we’re no longer friends. Possibly ENVY, who knows.
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That flip side, “I don’t envy you”–you can just hear it. It comes with a certain tone. And yes, it’s envy, too, because it allows the person who’s saying it off the hook of longing for something they don’t have. In this case, they perhaps have something you don’t. Peace of mind, health, a better situation.
And yes, Janine, what a provocative and oh-so-true statement about the constant comparing. Like frogs in a bucket, each standing on the other, some making the jump out of the bucket.
I was thinking how so much of our day-to-day life is set up around comparing. I recently ran across a huge pile of home style magazines at the community library. They were beautiful magazines, printed on recycled paper, featuring natural homes, mid-century modern, lovely dwellings. (One was called Dwell.) The library lets people set out magazines for others to take. I took the whole lot of them home with me. Why? I say it’s to get ideas, but really it just gets my mouth salivating. I’ve never been happier in a place than I am now, so really, I think I can stop looking.
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Bob, you’d be amazed at the array of dictionary definitions the scholars we’ve been speaking with say are dead wrong!
Can’t wait to see what everybody submits in the contest….
Thanks for your comments and interest.
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QM, funny that you and I both thought of Natalie’s ‘I don’t remember…’
ybonesy, you remind me of something a wise older lady once said to me over and over again. I had been going through a hard time and she had a generous ear. ‘Practice being satisfied,’ she’d say, ‘just practice being satisfied.’
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WOW — wonderful topic for a documentary Barbara and I’ve enjoyed the comment stream. I’m late to weigh-in, because I’m AT a writing retreat in Taos and committed mostly to taking a blogcation … but this IS fascinating.
Barbara, I hope you will look at envy in relation to recreational sports for children and/or adults. The playing field is seeded with envy. I played competitive recreational tennis for years and was startled by the envy, which is incompatible with good sportsmanship or general competitive civility. People said is was maddening to play against me because I was so “nice.” What should I be? I played for fun. The prize was not money, but a trophy or a keychain. Maybe for the average John or Jane Doe it is the winner’s “bragging right” that is envied.
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Well, Barbara, you’ve hit a really hot topic. I AM coming on opening night too.
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breathepeace, thanks so much for your comments and that idea about ENVY and recreational sports. Sounds like you might have an essay on that to post for the contest!
Enjoy the Taos silence, I have a couple of good writing friends sitting in the zazen right alongside you this week.
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Great, Janine! I look forward to hearing more of your clear thoughts on this. Thanks so much for the support, writing friend.
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[…] Barbara Rick, a Peabody & Emmy award-winning filmmaker/journalist based in New York City, and president and founder of Out of The Blue Films, Inc., explored these questions and more in Tuesday’s essay at red Ravine, Cracking Envy (Or How I Learned To Stop Romancing A Deadly Sin). […]
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My definition of envy reads: Envy, one among many negative thoughts or emotions that shares with the others the power to immobilize the thinker and the object of its focus. Most often occuring between individuals in relationships but can be present in relations between entire cultures. Envy is cutivated whenever a perception of lack occurs whether real or fancied.
As a child, I envied anyone older than me for their power, making me resentful and surly. As I grew, I envied my sister or brothers progrees towards being in the “have” class while I was in the “have nots”. It may have caused me to spend less time with them.
Today, I try not to squander any time in negative feelings. Rather, being pro active with whatever crosses my path.
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Funny coincidence…yesterday was our “fun day” at school and we were the green team. We had to come up with a cheer for our team. I was brainstorming what was green and listing them on the board; Frogs, grass, trees, ENVY, jealousy (the green-eyed monster). Is what I wrote.
I was just being my usual weird.
Trippy.
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Albeit late, but I thoroughly enjoyed the richness of this comment stream. There are so many things to ponder about!
It is amazing how we encounter envy and jealousy in our human experiences, yet we have not truly faced them eye-to-eye and discussed about them so openly as they discolor how we present ourselves to people or how others perceive us. I would say that nearly all the time, we’d rather show ourselves in the positive light than in such a negative way. But, I think with this ENVY project, it shows that there is a vulnerability to the human experience as well, and we can begin to look one of the deadliest sins: envy indeed!
I look forward to how this project will conclude and perhaps I may submit! 8)
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Cool, Carol, great to hear from you! QuoinMonkey, ybonesy, and I were saying at the top of these comments the other day that it feels like Gratitude & Service are like a healing salve for ENVY.
I think a shot of humility helps too. 🙂
Love hearing about your childhood… I remember yearning to be older, too, but my feelings were more like admiration than ENVY at a very young age.
That’s an interesting point of no return, when admiration creeps into ENVY.
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mimbresman, thanks for that. At the pet store today, after our new dog’s first trip to the vet, my husband and I saw a whole section of ‘green’ treats. ENVY-friendly munchies?
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I agree with you whole-heartedly, A~Lotus.
Facing one’s ENVY could indeed be a most revolutionary action with far-reaching positive impact.
Again I quote from Dr. Bryant Welch’s book, State of Confusion, the chapter on ENVY:
‘ENVY, born out of one’s self-esteem problems, by its very existence makes those self-esteem problems worse and creates an increasing reservoir of pent-up resentment and rage that is difficult for most people to address and acknowledge directly. Thus, a pool of latent ENVY is present in highly variable degrees in many people. And it clamors for expression.’
Thanks to our ENVY expert, Dr. Carolyn Ellman in NYC, for turning me onto this book.
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Thanks, Barbara, I may have to check out that book! Thanks for the recommendation! Now you got me curious!!
Gratitude & Service — YES! I agree with you on that, Barbara. Sometimes I think the turning point is to admit that one has envy or jealousy in order to get to gratitude and service! Now THAT is hard to do!
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We’re hoping the film will be an invitation to that admission and a force for exploration, recognition and transformation!
Thanks, A~Lotus!
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I like the metaphor of envy as a slithering snake. Wasn’t the snake envious of Adam and Eve? Otherwise, why would it have tried to seduce Even into eating the forbidden fruit…. . Best wishes with the project, it’s a good one.
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Yes, christine, that rings a bell, doesn’t it?
Thanks for your kind words!
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how about…the delusion of a self in the state of craving….
that is suffering alright
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Cathy, hi, yes, that state of craving is a concept that resonates.
The idea of a hungry infant in the deep need/giant squall mode comes to mind…
Congrats on your powerful work which I’ve witnessed on here!
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thanks, Barbara, for checking out the work- looking forward to the documentary & what you flesh out from the submissions—-
QM….what you mentioned about service & gratitude and going beyond the individual “self”- YES!! and i might add that envy can be a reminder of the characteristics of worldy existence: UNSATISFACTORINESS, IMPERMANENCE, and NO SELF. So, mindfully catching such an emotion in action can be a benefit….to look at it positively
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True, cathy—-
And as Joseph Epstein writes in his book ENVY: ‘Little is good about ENVY except shaking it off, which, as any of us who have felt it deeply knows, is not so easily done.’
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Cathy, that’s a good point about mindfulness around envy:
“envy can be a reminder of the characteristics of worldy existence: UNSATISFACTORINESS, IMPERMANENCE, and NO SELF. So, mindfully catching such an emotion in action can be a benefit….to look at it positively”
Sometimes I catch it, sometimes it catches me. You know what else I find noteworthy are the physical changes that happen to a body that is in the clutches of envy or jealousy. I bet blood pressure increases, and people’s face’s turn red when they see green. Can that be true?
I remember when I was younger, I was really jealous when it came to relationships. It was really destructive. I was afraid of losing what I had; it took away from the enjoyment of being in the moment. Something changed big time in my 40’s though. Different things became important to me. I had more of a sense of self.
So what are some other things that transform envy to something positive?
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[…] to these links on red Ravine for more information: Cracking Envy (Or How I Learned To Stop Romancing A Deadly Sin) Call For Entries!!! – Out of The … Share and […]
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Perhaps it is from living in a small town atmosphere–a low key, slower paced life. But I haven’t really experienced envy to this degree.
I certainly don’t envy others, as I know that everyone no matter how the package is wrapped feels empty inside at times.
People are on top of the world for a split second then come crashing down in a cyclical exchange of wealth and talent.
The one thing I do however crave that others may have is that sense of peace from the inner understanding that life is a roller coaster and they are riding the highs and lows with their arms held high in the air. No fear.
I want to live life that way–riding the hills and valleys and loving all of it.
I suppose when one is on a spiritual quest in life, envy becomes a passive or non existant reality.
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Karole, great to hear your take on ENVY.
I do think there is something to your view that the more intense the game, the stronger the feelings of attachment. I’ve read that the more accomplished a person is, the more competitive, the more ENVY prone that person may be as well.
I also like what you say about being on a spiritual quest and how that sort of immunizes you to the worst effects of ENVY.
I’m on a spiritual quest too but am still sometimes hobbled by it. 🙂
I guess the cool part is being able to examine it, hold it up to the light, pry it open (almost) fearlessly— that’s what my spirituality is doing for me.
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QM, I meant to ask you: what was it that changed or brought on that change in your 40’s ?
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[…] TOPIC – TOADS & FROGS, A Celebration Of GREEN On red Ravine…, What Is Your Totem Animal?, Cracking Envy (Or How I Learned To Stop Romancing A Deadly Sin), haiku 2 […]
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[…] forget the Out of The Blue Films “ENVY Contest” at red Ravine. Read the essay Cracking Envy (Or How I Learned To Stop Romancing A Deadly Sin) and then go to the Contest Submission Guidelines to learn how to participate and compete for an […]
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[…] Films “ENVY Contest” at red Ravine. For background and inspiration about Envy, read the essay Cracking Envy (Or How I Learned To Stop Romancing A Deadly Sin) and the piece The Case of Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez: Is It Envy Or […]
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[…] Films “ENVY Contest” at red Ravine. For background and inspiration about Envy, read the essay Cracking Envy (Or How I Learned To Stop Romancing A Deadly Sin) and the piece The Case of Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez: Is It Envy Or […]
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[…] Films “ENVY Contest” at red Ravine. For background and inspiration about Envy, read the essay Cracking Envy (Or How I Learned To Stop Romancing A Deadly Sin) and the piece The Case of Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez: Is It Envy Or […]
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ENVY contest deadline fast approaching! Submit yours before the 11th hour on August 15th… Thanks, everyone!
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Off to MN GarlicFest. REMINDER: Writers, artists, poets, photogs – last day of our red Ravine Summer ENVY Contest with Out of The Blue Films (LINK). It ends at Midnight tonight!
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Contest ended at midnight August 15th. Thank you for all of your creative submissions! Winners to be announced in a future post on red Ravine. So much gratitude to all who participated in the Out of The Blue Films ENVY Contest at red Ravine!
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The article is right on the money. Envy is at the root of the other deadlies and exacerbates and fuels them. Beginning with my childhood, I seem to have irritated people by just being around. My siblings and mother beat me physically and tormented me emotionally. In the workplace, even though I brought no harm to anyone, saboteurs inevitably surfaced. I was robbed a great deal. I never understood why. Two years ago a supervisor bluntly told me that my co-workers were envious and to get used to it. She told me I was very attractive, competent, ‘togther’, etc. Bingo. My answer. My two sister? One always said she wanted to look like me. When I was seven she slashed my arm with a knife. To this day, both sisters have found ways to keep me alienated from their love. My mother? Well, I looked just like my father, who left her. This must have caused her to want to bash me around. I just don’t get it. If someone has great qualities, I strive to learn from them. I must admit, I was once in a funk over envying Julia Roberts. Then I realized she was only human and is going to die like the rest of us, regardless of money, fame, etc. Also, she looks like someone I lost, so I think that made it worse. She looks like my daughter, who envied me because her boyfriends always seemed to take a shine to me. So envy causes nothing but LOSS. Remember, we are all going to die, so why envy anyone who lives? Make the very best of your time, talents, love, looks…whatever youhave been blessed with. The greatest thing we can possess is…..LOVE. The Book of Proverbs says that the grave consumes beauty. Think about it.
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Gwyneth, thanks so much for your moving exploration of ENVY. Death and aging are the great levelers, I think you’re right there. I love the idea that ENVY causes nothing but LOSS. Heavy. Good to read your thoughts on here, thanks for contributing.
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