Strange Bird, self-portrait, May 2009, pen and ink on graph
paper, doodle © 2009 by ybonesy. All rights reserved.
Sitting on a United Airlines flight, San Francisco to Hong Kong, I am relieved to find the middle seat empty as the last passengers take their seats. The plane starts its slow taxi to the runway. I buckle my seatbelt.
This is Economy Plus, a section touted for its extra five inches of leg room, which on a 14-hour flight impress me about as much as the dinner selection of chipped beef or poached fish.
Before the plane lifts from the tarmac, Frank in the window seat asks about my nose. We have already introduced ourselves, and I have already answered his queries about my ethnicity and where I’m from.
“Where’d the nose come from?!”
The question jars. Does he always ask about physical traits of people he’s just met? Are those breasts real? So, how’dya lose your leg?
“It’s Apache,” I say. A lie, although I’ve always thought that my great-grandfather, José Inocencio, looked like Apache chief Geronimo. The bump on my nose, which forms a contiguous line with my cheekbones, definitely comes from José, as does the hook.
I stick my beak back into my journal. I’ve been working on a doodle I started almost two years ago but never finished. One of the side benefits of being held hostage on a plane for 14 hours is that I get to finish what I started and start a bunch of new stuff that I won’t finish.
“Whatcha workin’ on?” Frank asks. For all his annoying questions, he seems genuinely interested.
I open the book so he can see the picture of a fish walking down a city street. Frank is a lawyer, which is about all I know of him. He notices that a sign on one of the buildings in my drawing says the word LAW. I flip the pages to show him other doodles, and when I land on a picture of a bird next to the word Anxiety, I tell him that I did that one for a piece I wrote about Anxiety.
“Do you have anxiety,” he asks.
And with that question, I divulged to a man I’d known only as long as it took to reach cruising altitude that I sometimes suffered from anxiety, that my mother was also anxious, and that I tried anti-anxiety pills but weaned myself off of them.
Then I opened a fresh page in my journal and sketched the outline of what would become my next doodle: a half-woman-half-bird sitting in a cage, naked except for a cape of feathered wings.
This tendency toward self-disclosure—I’d like to think it’s a positive trait that comes from my mom. Mom was, still is, the kind of person who’s easy to be around. Troubled friends of mine or my brother’s when we were teenagers often sought refuge at our house. Mom fed them tortillas off the griddle or hot rolls with butter. She asked a few questions of the kids; mostly she let them be.
Uncle Henry, who is married to Mom’s sister Erma, used to visit Mom on late afternoons. He taught Drivers Ed after coaching track at an Albuquerque high school. Many times I walked home from the bus stop to find some pimply kid slouched behind the steering wheel of a car in our driveway. Who knows how long Uncle Henry had been inside, drinking coffee or tea, eating a snack, and talking to Mom?
Mom also has a way of telling it like it is. She’s unlike most women I know of from her generation. Rarely private, never proper. She’s our own Dr. Ruth; she’s told some of us, her daughters and granddaughters, that married couples ought to have sex “about three times a week.” I won’t go into why she once received a ceramic jar labeled Mom’s Farts.
Mom can be riotously self-deprecating. For Father’s Day a year or two ago, we all watched Dad open the usual array of gift cards: Lowes, Borders, Barnes & Noble.
“You shouldn’t get him gift cards,” Mom chided. “Why didn’t you give him something useful, like a hoe?”
“I already have a hoe,” Dad objected.
“Who, me?” Mom asked, at which point they looked at each other and burst out laughing.
We’re on the look-out now for HO-themed presents: Christmas gifts wrapped in HO-HO-HO paper, and a HO-HO-HO t-shirt found at a store in Denver, which we got for Mom this past Mother’s Day.
My mother (and my dad, for that matter) has always been transparent. As a former boyfriend used to tell me, “Your parents are WYSIWYG.” What you see is what you get.
There is such a thing as over-exposure. I don’t always know where to draw the line, although I’ve gotten more discerning each year that passes. I won’t hesitate to pop in the earbuds and keep to myself if I feel the need to stop emitting honesty.
For example, I could have told Frank that besides inheriting her anxiety, I’m also prone to Mom’s tendency to bloat after sitting in one spot for too many hours.
Speaking of which, on the return flight from Hong Kong to San Francisco, there was no Frank, but there was an Indian man hopping from foot to foot and doing knee bends in the waiting area near the bathroom.
It was the middle of the flight, shades drawn and the plane completely dark to simulate nighttime. I made my way past sleeping passengers, their legs, pillows, and headphones spilling into the aisle. The toilet was occupied. I looked to the Indian man and asked, “You in line?” He nodded and kept running in place.
We waited for what seemed like a long time, being as how the man wouldn’t stand still. When the door popped open, he hesitated, then looked at me.
“You go next,” he said. He’d finally stopped moving.
“Are you sure??” I asked. Maybe he was about to pee in his pants.
“Yes, yes, I’m sure! I’m going to be a loooong time, and after I’m done you won’t want to go in there.”
“Ah,” I said and made for the door.
I didn’t know whether to thank him at the time, although looking back, I’m really glad he shared.
Disclaimer To Frank, In Case He Ever Sees This
You truly were a nice seat mate, nose question notwithstanding. I should have mentioned that I’m known to write about people on planes. At least I didn’t draw you.
OH man – jogging in place guy? Stand up gentleman!
I have those exposure tendencies too. My friends know to be careful what questions you ask me – because I WILL answer them honestly! In my mind, I’ve always appreciated and learned from folks who share about their life so I figure I am just returning the favor. If it helps someone else at some point in their lives, it’s worth it.
LikeLike
I loved this post…..especially the part about your mom…….
LikeLike
you know yb, I think a person’s natural tendency is to be private and not let personal things escape to make them seem vulnerable…even to someone they will never meet again. For the most part, I believe allot of good people (Like Frank) are really just lonely. They need to connect with someone…
They don’t always do it tactfully… and they try to connect in some very odd places…and not all of them are recognizable at first…
But when people take the time to notice, man! what a difference they can make. I think with your endearing patience and your willingness to give up something…you made Frank just a little less lonely and you opened up that cage door.
LikeLike
As someone who spends a great deal of time alone, I find myself talking to people in stores and restaurants more than I ever did when I worked a 40-hour week job. Maybe Frank doesn’t have someone he talks with and the nose question just seemed like a good conversation starter. It definitely was not a pick-up line.
What does the word on the bottom of the birdcage mean in English, yb?
LikeLike
LOL The running in place Indian man cracked me up. I’m glad you got the chance to use the toilet before him. Nothing worse than to be stuck in a closed-up tiny bathroom after someone has blown up and having to pee and breathe. It is interesting when we disclose and expose ourselves with strangers, or they to us. I have had some wonderful encounters in Wal-Mart and occasional restaurants in the middle of a unknown places.
I like your response about your nose…Apache… Why not? I had had surgery on my throat as a wee child and bear the scar today. There were times I’ve been asked about the faded, dotted slash across the windpipe, and I’ve said strange things in response. LOL
Enjoyed this writing, and I especially like the Strange Bird self-portrait.
LikeLike
It definitely was not a pick-up line. — Oh, that one got me, Bob. LOL! 8)
Anna, I have a scar on my throat, too. Tracheatomy at 18 months old. I get a lot of questions about that. You’ll have to share your strange responses with me so that I can get ideas. 😉 (BTW, I like telling the story of mine–a Mexican doctor, a small woman, did an emergency trach to open up my windpipe; I was dying. I always picture her with a pair of silver scissors, raised high, before delicating piercing my throat. That’s my creative license part.)
Oh, and now you’ve jogged my “nothing worse” memory. Back when I flew a lot and was often upgraded to First Class, a woman went into the “forward” bathroom and when she came out the entire First Class began to stink. This was in the days prior to 9/11, when you could use whatever bathroom you wanted. The stewardess was so disgusted that she got on the PA system and announced that First Class bathrooms were reserved for First Class passengers only. Apparently the woman was from Economy! HA! (Keep your p.u. to yourself—too funny.)
LikeLike
Bob, the word “pajaro” means bird. And I am a strange one. 🙂
BTW, I am usually a friendly person. Flying is the one exception. I got into the zone. Survival tactic. But I reflect on the conversations I’ve had when I’m drawn out, the people I’ve met, those have some of the most amazing crystallized moments.
NM is generally a pretty friendly place when it comes to chatting in stores and such. People open up.
LikeLike
Heather, I just picture you as the life of the party, and if not for the fact that you’re hyperventilating into a paper bag while flying, you’d be the one getting your entire row to do the wave. Ha!
Thanks, Jo and tp. tp, I do think blogging and Twitter and such have given an outlet for those of us with exposure tendencies. Although, I have to say, I’m not so fond of Twitter. The minute-by-minute, blow-by-blow thing…it’s too intense for me. Maybe that will change. I haven’t actually given it a fair shake.
LikeLike
Ha, the nose question…quite cheeky! And I love your answer, the Apache grandfather, and how fitting with the slit across the throat…
…just kidding, yb – it’s a good answer to give a nosy lawyer.
I love the doodle, though I did think it said “pajano” and thought maybe that is a cross between a pig and a bird, thus Swine flu’s mascot…
LikeLike
LOL, lil. You always find the funniest twist. Or cocharo?
BTW, folks on both flights, to and from, donned face masks. I thought, now that’s an interesting way to travel. Don’t have to talk to anyone. Ha.
Frank turned out to be a very nice fellow, really. I’ve traveled with way worse!!
LikeLike
I always talk to strangers and probably reveal more than I should however, in more recent years, I’ve learned to be less exposed until I know I won’t be hurt by what I expose. Time has taught me to be careful about how much I expose about myself, unfortunately.
I’ll have to remember the Indian man’s jogging in place. I’m trying to figure out how to keep my feet from swelling during my long flight later this year. I think my son said it’s a 15 hour flight!
LikeLike
yb, that drawing is amazing. Some of my favorite parts are the mirror reflecting the back of the head (a great detail). And the cloak of iridescent feathers. Are the colors based on peacock feathers by chance? I have one in my studio that I’ve been sketching. It was a gift from a friend who picked it up on a world travel to Africa (or was it India or Asia).
“This tendency toward self-disclosure—I’d like to think it’s a positive trait…” I think it is a positive trait in you. And what makes it work is that you have boundaries around your self-disclosure. Self-disclosure for the sake of self-disclosure sometimes backfires.
When I was at the last writing retreat in Kansas City, we were talking at dinner one night (over KC barbecue) about how important boundaries are to our sense of self and our relationships. They are different for everyone. I like to think I’ve gotten better at them as I’ve aged. We’ll see!
Your mother sounds like such a character. I hope I get to meet your parents some day.
LikeLike
A 15-hour flight, Corina? That is long! Well, just follow my cool cat rules (ha!) and you’ll do fine.
Oh, but swelling can be a serious problem. One thing I noticed on the return flight is that my bones hurt. For example, the night I finally made it to bed, I could *not* sleep with my arms bent! They were bent for almost 36 hours, between the flying and the waiting in airports, and it was painful to bend them for days afterwards.
Good luck to you, and if you stop back in and don’t mind divulging, I’d love to hear where it is you’re going.
LikeLike
Thank you, QM. I did not have in mind the beautiful peacock feather, per se, but I think I was influenced by how those two colors show up in an iridescent form on several types of birds around here: mallards, hummingbirds, and peacocks.
I love the peacock, its call especially. Neighbors out in these parts usually always have peacocks, so we get to enjoy their mating calls. Kind of haunting.
BTW, speaking of birds, yesterday right before we had our phone meeting, Dee and I watched a pileated woodpecker, black and white with a touch of red. It was knock-knock-knocking in the giant poplar out by the potting shed. It wasn’t very high up. It stopped pecking when we got up under it. I meant to tell you on the phone but then I forgot.
On the matter of boundaries, so important, aren’t they? I believe it takes age and the wisdom and experience that comes with age to finally understand why boundaries are important. Especially for people who have a reason to not have a good handle on boundaries—adults who experienced child abuse, adults who as children grew up with any kind of abuse, really, or with substance abuse issues, etc. Figuring out how to create boundaries and how to not get sucked into those who don’t have good boundaries, that’s a good thing for sure.
LikeLike
Hi, ybonesy!!! 🙂 Long time no read!!
Oh…the symbolism in your self portrait is amazing!!! She makes me smile, your birdlady! Just look at her ,,, she looks like she’s grinning in her cage, like she knows a secret none of the rest of us do. I think it’s a smile that says, “I’m busting out of this cage in just a minute…watch me!” 🙂
Are you familiar with Garuda, from Hindu and Buddhist mythology? Half man/half bird god…, Garuda is King of the Birds….In Hindu, he is known as the destoyer of OBSTACLES 🙂 (ah…is that cage an obstacle?)
You might enjoy reading about Garuda
http://www.pantheon.org/articles/g/garuda.html
Birds and Freedom go hand in hand, don’t they? I just faced my fear of flying (again) this past week…and as I said in my blog post, the irony of that fear combined with my love of all things winged isn’t lost on me! LOL
I envy you, your comfort in flying and for such long flights!
Oh! I just thought of something! Without having any read “need” of them, I just purchased a box of watercolor pencils (24 of them, I think), and a pad of watercolor paper…perhaps I should try some doodling???? 🙂
xoxoxo Hope you and yours are well! Stop by and see my delicious grandson!!!
LikeLike
yb, I can just picture the airplanes full of masked travelers – like the images of SARS from China, we’re safe, as we slather ourselves with Purell in protective silence – And I think everyone should be required to wear Depends – just hand them out in the beginning of the flight – ’cause you never know when you might need them!
LikeLike
What a charming post. I love these stranger incidents. I identified with so much of this, like volunteering too much information and especially because I, too, had a colorful mother teenagers liked to hang out with.
LikeLike
There’s a lot to say, but right now, I’m just gonna giggle.
LikeLike
‘lil, great idea on the Depends. That way you can really fall asleep with the comfort of knowing you won’t have any mishaps on the plane. 8)
Thanks anhinga and amuirin. Have you written about your mother, anhinga? If so, drop in a link here so we can read about her colorful personality, too. I love reading about mothers.
Grace! I left a comment on your blog. I think WP dropped you for a while. I need to add you back to our blogroll. Thanks a million for the link on Garuda. I read it over the weekend. What a fascinating god. I hadn’t know about him, but one would need Garuda around to write, paint, or do a lot of things in life. Definitely to help break out of the cage!
The doodle is chock full of symbols. The mind is a strange place. You should definitely put those watercolor pencils to work. Hey, I’ve bought a box of those before. I love the idea of being able to draw-paint at the same time. And I often buy art materials simply for the beauty of the materials, not so much because I’m going to use them. Although, not lately. Can’t afford to indulge that habit any longer.
LikeLike
I have not written enough about my quirky mother. The one with a link on my blog shows her sweet, loving side. You would find it under Published Works University of Texas in my side bar.
LikeLike
too funny. i noticed that i tend to divulge a lot of info on facebook through my status updates. i wonder if i also got that trait from nanny. my bro tends to be a lot more private, but my mom is very self-disclosing. cool piece!
LikeLike
I hope you have your Facebook settings all set to Friends Only. I’ve heard so many stories about young people who get passed over jobs because of what they say on their FB wall. I’m not sure how do these potential hiring managers find out what’s written on someone’s FB wall to begin with…maybe some people allow the whole world to see?
When we first started the blog, I felt more anonymous, and I think perhaps that feeling gave me a false sense about what I could divulge. But as my friends and family became readers, I realized I needed to not say anything that I wouldn’t want them to read.
LikeLike
Fortunately FB has extensive privacy settings. I am not even searchable (meaning no one can search my name and find me if they aren’t my friend). I was having a conversation with my roommate the other day about privacy settings. We were debating whether we should remove all tags from our pictures of our college partying now that we are graduated. It seems to be the trend among our recently graduated friends.
LikeLike
YB..this was a great read!
I felt like I was in a seat on the planes with you.
I had some interesting conversations on the long flights to and from France. Alas, the short flight from Atlanta to Jacksonville was the most interesting. I sat by a nice gentleman, and we shared common things of our childhood..some not so pleasant things. We had the common bond of acceptance of what was, our strengths from our history, and for not only surviving but thriving. When we landed he said, I can’t believe how much I talked and what I said..I’ve never said so much in such a short time! hee, hee (my son says I bewitch people, and they tell me things).
It was a connection between two people that will never see one another again..maybe that was why it was so easy to let the words spill out. We knew it was safe to let our guards down and open our hearts. We hugged and went our walked our separate ways…back into our individual worlds.
I had some great experiences on the flights..including trying congnac and coffee for the first time (Air France has great food and beverages).
Thanks for this great post!
LikeLike
I love what your sons say, that you bewitch people to tell you all sorts of things. Hee hee. I don’t know about you, but some people open up like mad if you simply show curiosity about their lives.
LikeLike
[…] Postscript: I’m presently in San Francisco en route to Vietnam for another work-related visit—my sixth since 2005. I’ve written several posts about travel and specifically Vietnam; this post contains links to a bunch of them. Vietnam was the inspiration for finishing the doodle in this post, which I sketched in a pencil outline almost two years ago. Fish Out of Water was a red Ravine writing topic in September 2007. I finished the doodle on my last trip to Vietnam. […]
LikeLike