Forbidden Fruit, range of wines to be tasted at Casa Rodeña in Albuquerque’s north valley, March 2009, photo © 2009 by ybonesy. All rights reserved.
My definition of torture: A half day off from work to go to a company-sponsored wine-tasting event. God, am I a whiner or what?! Well, at least I’m not a wino, which I definitely was on the road to becoming.
My fondness for wine started in 10th grade. Annie Greensprings and the apple-based Boone’s Farms, so-called pop wines that peaked—in popularity only—in the 1970s. I was 15 or 16 and for one short summer steeped in the fake ID business. Yes, my boyfriend Corky and I, and Corky’s best friend, a wunderkind with graphics, set up a New Mexico drivers license processing station in Corky’s bedroom. Droid painted an exact simulation of the New Mexican goldenrod yellow and brick red background, Zia symbol and all. (This before the Department of Motor Vehicles went high-tech, with holograms to certify authenticity.)
In 11th grade I was invited to Elizabeth Z.’s dinner party. Elizabeth was a year older than me. She served lasagna in fancy plates on a linen-covered dining room table dotted with bottles of Liebfraumilch, a German wine that was almost as sickly sweet as Annie Greensprings. Yet, it had a name that looked nothing like the way it was pronounced, and the sophisticated Elizabeth was endorsing it. I figured it was the wine choice for people of good breeding and immediately co-opted it as my own favorite.
My love of wine and my continued devotion to cheap wines in particular, got stronger the year I moved to Spain. There wine was like water. You drank it starting at about 10 in the morning (at least people in my neighborhood did). We took our first break of the day, dropped into the little bar for a quick copa de vino tinto, a glass of red wine, and ate a little plate of peanuts or olives, or maybe if the tapas were good, a nice-sized serving of ceviche or a cured-ham-and-hard-cheese bocadillo.
Pepe, the guy who owned my favorite bar, La Llave, which sat one small step across the cobblestone road from my apartment, liked to share with me his private stash of wines made of apples or plums. They were sweet and fruity and reminded me of the time Dad tried his hand at making wine in the garage, one year when he grew too many Concord grapes.
In Spain I took to buying myself bottles of Cortesía, a sweet white wine, probably similar in taste to a Reisling. In addition to hanging out at La Llave, I often sat on the rooftop terrace outside my bedroom and indulged. When I got to finishing off about a bottle a day, I realized I had a wine problem. I noticed a small shake in my hands as I lit my first cigarette of the morning, and it became harder to convince myself to wait out the hours before breaking out that first glass of wine of the day.
As the year progressed I became increasingly bewildered about what I was doing with my life. I’d gone to Spain to write, make art, and learn Spanish, but by eight months into it, I’d dropped out of all my classes, became part of and then later stop going to a still-life art studio, and spent most of my time in La Llave or holed up in my room writing letters, doodling, and drinking wine as I pondered my next step.
Fortunately, my body protested to my wine addiction long before my brain did. For about 15 years after returning from Spain, I continued to drink wine. I eventually learned about and started drinking good red wines. I mostly loved reds on the dry side—sauvignons, zinfandels, and pinot noirs—although I would also imbibe in the occasional chardonnay.
I never became as heavy a drinker as I’d been in Spain, although I had intense wine cravings. I allowed myself two glasses of wine each evening after work, and if I went to a party I allowed three, and on the rare occasion, four, assuming it was a long party and the drinks were stretched out over several hours.
Then what I call “my wine allergy” kicked in. Here’s what I noticed:
- Morning aftertaste: The morning after having wine, even after having only one glass, I could still taste the wine on my breath. It seemed as though the wine were sitting in my stomach, and that all I had to do was exhale and there would be a lusty, boozy smell. It made me feel like I’d already been drinking from the moment I woke up.
- Face blushing: Suddenly, the very first sip of wine caused my entire nose and the area just on either side of it to blush. My sinuses and lips would heat up, and I knew that whoever was looking at me was now seeing a red-nosed reindeer version of me. There was nothing I could do to stop it from happening. Eventually, halfway through the glass, my face would go back to normal, but the blushing was intense and embarrassing while it was happening.
- Smell intolerance: Wine, even expensive bottles, took on a rubbing-alcohol scent. I stopped being able to discern a fruity bouquet or any aroma save for the overwhelming smell of something flammable. A friend could walk up to me, her goblet exuding its eau de vin, and all I could smell was something akin to ethanol.
- Taste intolerance: Same thing finally happened with taste. It all tasted bad to me, like wine from a bottle that had been uncorked for months. My wine connoiseiur friends insisted I try good wines, assuming I was drinking the cheapo stuff (again!). It didn’t matter. Good wine, even great wine, tasted like hootch to me.
People tell me it’s the sulfites. I tell them I don’t know what it is, but secretly I believe it’s divine intervention and my body warning me that there’s not too big a step between me and alcoholism. My body can’t process liquor. The good news is that the allergy killed all cravings for wine. Just the smell in the wine-tasting room was enough to send me outdoors every once in a while.
I can still go to wine-tasting events, watch everyone swirl their glasses and check for “legs” while I eat more than my fair share of olives, salami, and cheese. When they inhale the wine’s bouquet, I sneak out, creep around the place and snap a few shots.
But I’ll let you in on a secret. Now my drink of choice is beer, and to tell the truth, I don’t think there’s a whole lot of difference between wine and beer as far as my body is concerned. Already I’ve noticed some of the same “wine allergy” symptoms starting to appear.
So this is where I stand: on the edge of accepting that I’m not made for any of it. Maybe I started too young, or maybe I got the low tolerance gene that resulted in goofy-drunken-relative stories that both my parents have from their respective families (the great uncle who always showed up to parties drunk). I was a heavy drinker for the one year I was in Spain, but what little I drink now has a big effect, too big an effect, on my system.
I’d like to declare right here that I’m giving it up, too, before my body forces me to. And maybe I will, with all of you as my witnesses. I’ll let you know, but believe me, I just raised the ante on myself.
NOTE: Alcohol addiction is no laughing matter. I’ve actually been kicking around declaring myself alcohol-free for over a year. Somehow I can’t reconcile the fact that I don’t drink very much, yet my body still has an intolerance. It’s probably an excuse, but I think I’d be laughed out of Alcoholics Anonymous if I let it be known that I was trying to wean myself off of a beer a night.
Still, wean myself I must. And, if like me you are even slightly concerned about your own drinking, check out the sources below. You and I are not alone.
Resources
yb, when I was young & really into partying, I could drink Boones Farm, I think it was called Granapple Grannies, at the rate of 2 bottles a night at a get together. It wasn’t until one night after I had eaten tuna noodle casserole for supper prior to a party (you can guess the unpleasant result), that I swore off wine. I began drinking beer instead, even though I really didn’t like the taste much & hated that I had to pee every 15 minutes. After that I would try anything. To this day I cannot drink or smell rum or tequilla. I’ve come very close to alcholism & it wasn’t until J’s illness that I woke up. I still drink on special occasions, however I never want it to control my life again. I like a good merlot, zinfadel, & pinot gregio; mostly in the form of a spritzer. I also like beer & a canadian blend whiskey.
But, I see now that I can easily spin out of control, so I stick mostly to water & flavored waters at home.
However, I will still drink at family gatherings or special events.
Addiction is a tough thing to overcome. D
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Yuck, I can only imagine! Because of my puke phobia, I’ve never drank until I got sick to my stomach. Probably a big reason I haven’t gone overboard on my drinking.
I never could drink hard liquor. Still can’t. I think my low tolerance prevents me. I don’t know why beer is such a hard thing to give up. I wish I’d just get the full-on allergy like I did to wine. That would make it a lot easier. Although I think that’s the direction I’m heading.
Thanks for sharing your experience, diddy.
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I never drank before I was the legal age. In Kansas the age legal age for 3.2 beer was 18. In Missouri, you had to be 21 years old to drink anything. I didn’t like beer, still don’t, so I was dry until I was 21.
My first drink of choice was sloe gin and 7 Up for sloe gin fizzes. Tasted like an alcohol version of a Shirley Temple. The first time I got drunk and then got sick was the last time I drank sloe gin.
Then I took up bourbon which remains a favorite…bourbon and 7 Up with a lemon wedge. A civilized drink in my opinion. I have found memories of bourbon from my childhood.
Then I discovered margaritas which I could drink and drink and drink. Then I discovered that my liver functions were abnormal. The doctor’s advice: stop drinking except on rare occasions.
So, now I will have a margarita or two once every three months if that much. A bourbon and 7 on a festive occasion.
I don’t drink at home. I always thought I would turn out to be the home alone alcoholic. I’ve seen too many of those and they aren’t pretty pictures.
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Drinking age here was (still is) 21. I don’t know why we were so eager to get there.
My parents drank bourbon and 7 as cocktails after Dad got home. They always had one drink each before dinner. I don’t think they did the lemon wedge.
Margaritas *are* yummy. I love the salt.
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Never could drink yb…wine, beer, nothing…the “face blushing” as you call it proceeds straight to “face fire” on me. I’ve always been the designated driver but never really felt like I missed anything.
My guess is, as you age, your body is becoming less tolerant to chemicals. I used to be able to wear perfume until my early 30’s. Now I can barely clean my house and it must be with the “green” stuff.
What I’ve learned is that if it causes me to not be able to breath or makes me feel poorly, it can’t possibly be good to put on (or in) my body. If a simple hairspray can make me lose my voice within 120 seconds…think about what other real damage it might be doing.
Listen to your own body girl. It’s trying to tell you what it doesn’t need or want…and when you’re really in tune, it will tell you what it does. You’ve only got the one..unless you know something I’m not in on… Now’s when it counts.
😉 H
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Hi ybonesy – the short and simple answer is that if you’ve identified something as problematic, then it is. You’ve shown yourself that moderation is well within bounds of personal choice and it sure sounds with this public declaration like you’re prepared for the next step – action and abstinence. Best of luck in sticking with that choice….. and no, you certainly won’t be alone in not drinking. Make a point of treating yourself to something other than that beer.
The ‘blush’ effect is an alcohol induced ‘rosacea’ caused by an inability to fully process the metabolites of alcohol.
You cite some great sources in your links. The AMA recognized alcoholism as a disease in 1959 and is currently diagnosed by either an MD or psychiatrist using the APA’s DSM-IV criteria.
One day at a time…….
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As you know, I just finished a 30-day quit drinking alcohol challenge. It took a little getting used to, but by the end I so thoroughly enjoyed the vacation from alcohol (beer is my drink of choice) that I’ve decided to stay on this vacation for a while.
I did, however, become a hot cocoa addict. 😉
I have a cup of hot chocolate every night. I found a recipe that was used in a skin study where there was vast improvement over the course of just six weeks (even more after twelve weeks) in skin tone, etc. It’s a pretty simple recipe (2 tsp. of a good, dark cocoa; 2 tsp. sugar or whatever sweetener your prefer; 1 cup skim milk). You can use soy or almond milk in place of cow’s milk. The trick is to heat it slowly so the antioxidants in the cocoa aren’t destroyed by too much heat too fast. I like to add a little cayenne to it because I like my chocolate spicy. And I froth it up a little with a whisk. As for the cocoa powder, I’ve been using Scharffen Berger Natural Cocoa Powder. The original recipe called for this brand and I like it. You want to use undutched cocoa powder. It loses a lot of the antioxidants when it’s been dutched.
I get that flush when I drink, too. It’s one of the signs I took as it being time to give up alcohol, at least for a while.
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Hey Heather, yeah, I do think my body has changed. Plus, I’m not a big person, which could account for why only one or two drinks have such an effect. One of the things I didn’t mention is that with the beer, even if I only have one, I’ll often wake up with a headache. I can’t remember if I had that with the wine, but that’s a new symptom.
I know I won’t be missing anything by not imbibing, and yet those cravings are so strong. That’s what’s so worrisome. How can a person crave one beer a night? It’s bizarre to me, and yet I do. The power of addiction, I guess.
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Thanks Norm. I know you speak from experience, and I appreciate that enormously.
I do feel like this is going to be hard, but I’m ready. It’s part of a larger force in my life, picking up painting in earnest, getting fit. It’s all relatively new, and I shouldn’t portray any of it as being a life change, because as you say, one day at a time, but I’m just feeling in a rut and wanting to get out of it. So many things I’ve been saying I want to do (paint, be fit, stop drinking, etc.) and I’m just tired of sounding like a broken record. When do I finally make the leap?
As for giving myself a treat, I love chai tea, and Robin’s hot cocoa sounds like a wonderful treat, especially the way it’s gently melted to preserve the antioxidants. Robin, I was inspired by your 30-day alcohol vacation; I think I mentioned that I also wanted to give up drinking. In fact, I had, and then I took it up again.
All of you are an inspiration!!
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ybonesy, great to read this post and all the positive responses. I like the skin tone hot chocolate from Robin. I might just have to try that.
Sounds like a big commitment and I’m guessing you will get lots of support for it. Awareness, acceptance, action. The acceptance piece, the part where we admit we have a problem, is a big transition. The action part — it really makes a difference to have the support of other loving people.
You know what’s interesting living in a state like Minnesota where it seems like recovery groups and programs are everywhere (including Hazelden), is that you really get to see how we are a culture of addictions. We like to self-medicate, for whatever reason, and alcohol is one of the legal and acceptable ways we can do that.
There are also addictions to food, sex, money, debting, spending, and all the highs people get from using them in excess. I’ve certainly had my share of issues. I’m thankful there are recovery groups available where all people need is the desire to stop whatever it is that is holding them back.
I don’t really drink much anymore at all. When I take a look at your symptoms though, I may have an allergy. My face gets red and I usually don’t like the taste after the first sip. I do have a glass of wine about twice a year, usually in celebratory situations with friends. But if I have more than one glass, I feel like crap the next day. And also get a bad headache. I also don’t like the taste of alcohol so that helps. Hard liquor has never agreed with me.
I was thinking about what you said, about how your parents drank bourbon and 7 as cocktails after your Dad got home. And how acceptable it was in the past for couples to drink every evening. It also reminds me that tolerances run in families. They can be hereditary. The intolerance may not depend on the amount a person drinks, but their chemical make-up.
I had two grandfathers who were alcoholics. When I was growing up, Mom wouldn’t even allow alcohol in our home so it just wasn’t around in our immediate environment. Yet socially, as teenagers, you find it all around you. And you are faced with choices about alcohol at a young age.
Recently I read how here in Minnesota they are thinking of lowering the drinking age back down to 18 (where it hasn’t been since 1973). Now mind you, MN is one of the few states who has raised the drinking age from 18 to 19 in 1976. Then again to 21 in 1986 where it is now. So there is talk that this is a ploy to make more money off of college age kids buying liquor.
I think trends to drink or do some kind of substance abuse or self medication happen at a young age. And then it seems we continue to have to make hard choices about reversing them for the rest of our lives. I know, for me, I’ve realized my issues are never going to go away. I’m going to be managing them in some capacity for the rest of my life. Even if I stop self-destructive behavior, it’s always in the background and rises to the surface again if I don’t seek support.
Thoughtful piece, ybonesy. Makes me think about a lot of aspects of a complicated issue.
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QM: Your comments reminded me of something that I meant to mention.
In the early days of my vacation from alcohol I would start my day with a simple statement that usually began with “Just for today, I choose not to drink alcohol or otherwise engage in self-destructive behavior.” I’m still using that statement with other statements tacked on for good measure. I usually pick an intention for the day and base the other statements on that (for instance, “just for today, I will be kind in thought, words, and deeds” or on days that seem to start out bad from the beginning, “just for today, I will sit with my anger, explore it, get to know it…” etc.).
I’ve noticed that when I try to make one change in self-destructive behavior, another tries to take its place. By adding in “or otherwise engage in self-destructive behavior” I take care of that loophole. I’m not saying the statement solves everything, but it does set the right tone for me to start my day and it gives me something to fall back on when old habits try to make a comeback later in the day.
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I hope they don’t lower the drinking age in MN, QM. That seems like an irresponsible way to generate revenues, playing with kids’ lives. Also, alcohol poisoning among college kids has become a concern.
QM, I have to say that I had the first two symptoms—morning aftertaste and face blushing—for quite a while before I finally gave up wine. In fact, it took the wine becoming distasteful, literally, before I gave it up. Then I had no choice. It just tasted bad to me. I had no desire to drink it any longer.
I think many families have histories of alcoholism. In my family, we never really knew it but then when my parents starting thinking back to their relatives, both could recall these characters who always seemed to show up drunk. That goofy uncle thing.
I remember when Jim and I first got married, Jim didn’t drink then. He gave up alcohol in his late 20s, because he started having physical symptoms—really bad headaches the minute he drank a beer. Anyway, I used to wish he and I could just go into a bar and have a drink together. Now I’m happy he doesn’t drink. It’s a good influence on me.
You’ve been a great role model, too, QM. Thanks for the awareness, acceptance, action mantra. It’s a good way to keep in the forefront how to make it work.
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Robin, what a great practice. I am definitely going to adopt it as well.
I’ve noticed lately when I fall into bed, I’ve been ruminating on a bunch of negative stuff. And then I’ll catch myself doing it and stop it and go back to a gratitude prayer. Which, I’m glad I stop myself, but I’d rather start the day (instead of ending it–or both) with a strong intention.
Thanks again for sharing your experience. These are simple things, not easy, but simple steps that you’ve shown work.
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Robin, good point about how other self-destructive behaviors usually try to sneak in and take the place of the old one we are trying to quit. I like your mantra which kind of covers that aspect of addictive-type behaviors. It reminds me, too, that many addictions are not physical like wasting time surfing the Internet. People spend hours doing that. Or on FaceBook or some other kind of electronic gadget. Addictions take all shapes and forms. I think there will be support groups in the long-run for these kinds of electronic addictions. Who knows how all that will play out.
We have talked in our Poetry Group a couple of times about how addictive texting or FaceBook can be. There are many generations and ages in that group and it’s a good discussion. The issue usually comes up of electronics taking the place of face-to-face communication or intimacy. Maybe we are always seeking the easiest way around things. I know a lot of times, I just don’t want to do the work it would take for me to change. Change requires WORK! Yet when I do it, I feel so much better. And usually want to clean up other areas of my life. There are so many aspects to all of this.
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ybonesy, I hope they don’t change the drinking age, too. I’m totally against it. There are tons of statistics on accident rates among teens who have been drinking that supports that it’s not a good idea. I think kids are going to experiment anyway. It’s just part of being a teenager. But encouraging drinking behavior by legalizing it at a younger age only condones drinking and adds to the problem.
I think mantras are helpful. And short slogans. Something you can grab quickly when the urge hits to do something self-destructive. I think that’s why the Serenity Prayer has been so successful for those in recovery. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. (with God being whomever or whatever a Higher Power is to you). If you say something often enough, you start to believe it. So it’s helpful to have that thing you say be positive!
I had a friend tell me last weekend that she’s doing the positive thinking thing about the economy right now, what she calls Happy Therapy. She’s stopped watching negative news stories and started focusing on what’s actually working. She said we should focus our thoughts on the 94% of the people who do still have jobs, rather than those who don’t, and it creates a pocket of hope. Not that positive thinking takes away the work we have to do to move forward. But it does affect where we choose to focus our energies.
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ybonesy, one other thing I wanted to mention…about your photographs….wineries seem to be such peaceful places. They sometimes remind me of monasteries. I’ve visited a few in the Napa Valley and the wine at one of them was stored in a cave. I like the fact that things are growing there, and have to sit and age. It’s a good reminder that sometimes good things take time to come to fruition. And aging can be a beautiful thing. 8)
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This was such a carry-me-along read, I was completely curled up and ready for stories by the time the tone changed. And at first I wasn’t even- I donno, ybonesy, I so trust you as a writer, and that kind of playful voice that I started out reading with, I still didn’t quite wrap my head around that you had a *real* problem with wine. Actually loved the idea of being abroad, going to that little joint with the locals for the late morning drink, the guys homemade fruity wine.
You almost made it too welcoming! 😉
As to the addiction stuff, maybe you’re lucky that your body intervened, though it’s always hard to lose something you love. I agree with your secret belief that it was intervention. That makes sense to me, although then I’m hard-put to wonder why other lives that go to addiction don’t receive key interventions.
My family has the gambling gene, and it’s the only way I’ve ever been able to understand alcohol or drug addiction. Cus, knowing full-well that I’ve lost way too much money at it, knowing I’ll play till I lose, and feel horrible afterwords, and knowing that this is a problem so it has to be cut out, I still want to go. The very idea of gambling makes me want to go a casino right now.
Addiction is the reason-less disease.
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Do it Ybonesy! You do it! I’ll do it. I am not a heavy drinker, but alcohol is king in Venezuela. It is not unusual to see people drinking beer before 9:00 AM.
Being away from home and Tania, I have found myself drinking with the guys more than I wish too. Tania hates it when I do, so I’d rather not. Besides, the older I get, the less my body can deal with alcohol.
BTW, I gave up on USA wines long ago due to the sulfides. I don’t think I can tolerate them either.
Also, my brother’s wife, she’s French even…developed a wine allergy. Similar reactions you describe too. If she drinks now, she drinks sake’.
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Correction: Besides, the older I get, the less my body can’t deal with alcohol.
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I’ve never liked wine or beer, so I have no temptation there. The only alcohol I’ll even consider drinking is a really good tequila–so good (and expensive) that it is for sipping, never chugging. I’m good for about a shot a month.
I watched too many family members behave terribly when under the influence, so it never had much appeal. A couple of over-indulgences in college, and I decided that wasn’t anything I wanted to be a part of.
I’m glad I don’t drink alcohol, though I think there must be a better way to learn.
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Funny, Jim can do a shot of really good liquor at Christmas, maybe Thanksgiving, but that’s it.
MM, let’s do it! It’s fattening, to boot! Especially the good beer that we like.
Sake…yucky. I have the same smell aversion to that that I do to wine.
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amuirin, you’re so perceptive. The thing is, I started this post being only about the fact that I went to a wine tasting and it wasn’t all that fun. But, as I told QM, I’ve had on my list of blog posts to write the notion that I wanted to give up drinking beer. So I guess that theme ruminated long enough that it came out unexpectedly. So it is a bit of a dual post. Interesting that you caught that by hearing my voice.
BTW, my family on my mom’s side are big gamblers. I’m surprised your family doesn’t have drinking along with it, as the two go together often. I don’t like gambling; too much exposure when I was young. I also don’t like football. Way too much of that. Why I picked up drinking, I don’t know.
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yb, my Mom’s family is also addicted to gambling. In fact tonight is bingo night for her. Her family even bets on games of Yahtzee. My Dad is a beer drinker though he never drinks at home. He has one day a week that he makes his rounds. So, yes, QM is correct that there are many addictive things in life. I guess, the first step is really seeing them for what they are. Tough for many. Best wishes on your taste for beer. See it for what it is & if it becomes occasional, well heck go for it. My thing is don’t drink & drive. (been there, done that long ago)
As for myself, I love poker, though I no longer gamble for money, I was always good at it. When I can’t sleep I watch Poker After Dark. Years ago I was one of two woman allowed to play at The He Man Women Haters Club. I always walked out a winner! D
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Well, good for you. Any woman who walks away having won fair and square all the money from He Men Women Haters is a She Woman in my book. 8)
I think I’ve mentioned before but my mom is a stellar poker player. She regularly beats all of us. I only went one time with Mom and Dad to Las Vegas, but Dad and I went to see shows and what have you, always running back to the casino to check on Mom. She sat at tables with some real characters.
But I think she definitely had more of a passion than an addiction (not so with others in her family, including her father’s oldest brother, who gambled away over 3,000 acres of land in northern NM). Mom moderated how much she’d spend. She looked at it the way anyone taking a vacation would. Instead of spending $100 on some activity, such as going to Disneyland or what have you, she’d take that money to the casino. If she lost it, she walked away.
She often won, though. And she was good about walking away when she was up, too.
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Wow! A ton of great support and shared insights for you here, yb. Awesome. I’ve been following along all day as the comments flowed in and wanted to chip in again with a couple of things.
The practice that Robin mentioned of setting up your mindset at the beginning of each day with a series of positive affirmations is excellent advice. It’s one I try very hard to be consistent with.
As you mentioned it in both the post and comments I wanted you to explore the nature of how cravings present themselves for you. It’ll allow you some self discovery and thus arm you with necessary knowledge. Some prompts:
– does it seem to be more a physical urge or a mental obsession? a blend of the two? if so, what would the split look like?
– how are they in frequency, intensity and duration?
– are they related to time of day or activity / situation?
– try to track the incidents as they happen and rate them as to intensity (over time you should see a reduction in frequency, duration and intensity – which will show that you are progressing)
– try to identify what is behind the urge – for some it is a thought process e.g. – a sense of entitlement; for others it’s a bone deep craving that precludes thought.
I hope that gets you started in solution based thinking. What does craving look like through your eyes?
How about a Writing Practice? 15 minutes on ‘Cravings’. GO!
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The 15-minute writing practice on CRAVINGS is brilliant, Norm. Thanks!
I will definitely explore the cravings per the prompts you suggest. Those cravings are one of the most troubling parts of this whole thing. And now that you mention those different types of cravings, physical urge versus mental obsession, I honestly don’t know which one it is. So I will pay attention and note those things, as you suggest.
I can say that the cravings are associated with a time of day. There is that conditioned thing, similar to my parents’ ritual of having the cocktail before dinner, of wanting to reward myself with a beer after work. And notice the word “reward”? Yes, there’s very much a sense of relaxation, letting my hair down, kicking back at that point.
So, more on this. Perhaps I’ll post my WP on rR. Just depends on what comes out and whether I’m comfortable sharing it.
Thanks again, Norm.
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Amusing reflecting, yb. In Canada these is a wine called Baby Duck: a sweet sparkling vino akin to soda. You can drink it with a straw straight out of the bottle (as many a teenager does).
There was a time when my drinking worried me. It was situational (stressful job, etc.). When I extricated myself from the situation I was able to leave the behavior behind. These days, I’m too concerned with my weight to drink a great deal. That, and Chinese beer and wine, are a rather acquired taste.
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Your comment about stressful situations, Stevo, reminds me of how much many of my coworkers drink. I have often wondered if drinking is the main outlet for the stress of certain jobs.
Baby Duck is such an innocuous name, yet it sounds kind of dangerous. Like the Canadian version of good ol’ Annie Greensprings. That was like drinking soda, it was so sweet.
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@ Stevo – Thanks for the reminder about Baby Duck. Recalling my single youthful exposure to it still makes my skin crawl and stomach turn. Sickly sweet dreadful stuff. I haven’t visited your blog lately and will have to rectify that.
@yb – I’m happy you like the idea and I hope you find the practice beneficial. The phenomena of craving is a peculiar to each individual so it’s a good to backtrack and explore to see if you can get to root causes and a greater understanding. Just know that they evaporate with the passage of time and distance from your last drink.
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[…] skipped my usual evening beer these past several nights. I get the craving right about 6, and if I’m cooking dinner (like I […]
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ybonesy – great post and some wonderful clear advice in the responses to it.
In some way, you are fortunate to have allergy symptoms to alcohol which make you feel dreadful so you are disgusted by the scent and taste of alcohol. As to your ‘reward’ of a beer after work to look forward to, what daily pleasure can you substitute in its place? A relaxation session with a toning facial (homemade of natural ingredients)? A stroll around your yard with Jim and the girls to suss out what new changes have taken place there? You are such a proactive and creative soul; you can probably come up with a long list of possible pleasure treats for yourself and yours.
I admire your honesty and your desire to seek solutions to an area of life which troubles you. G
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Hi G. Thanks for the words of encouragement and the ideas. It’s been over a week since I’ve had a drink, and I’m feeling good. I’ve only had a strong craving maybe two days, but the craving passed fairly quickly. And even when I was on vacation, I didn’t really want a beer…maybe just last night with the pizza, but I didn’t get one.
One pleasure I’ve been indulging in more since has been water. Lots of glasses of water. It’s so refreshing. But yes, I do think there will be other simple pleasures.
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Another week, no beer. I’ve had a craving maybe once. I don’t even think I had one (a craving) this weekend. I’m liking it.
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*(atta-girl!!)* 🙂
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yb, I am in total agreement with Norm!
BTW, I never walked away from a game of poker, I stayed until the game was ended by the men. I think that’s one reason I was allowed to play with them. I have a great poker face & the other trick was the men all got drunk on Schlitz Malt Liquor on tap. I’d babysit a beer or 2 while they drank themselves stupid. Plus, I also stayed in the pot even when I was dealt a bad hand. I think they were impressed by that. Other females were welcome, but forced to play at the women only table. Still, I never walked a loser. I used to bet at the horse track also, but set my limits to $2.00 per race. One day a week with friends & once won over $300.00 on a long shot. I don’t do that anymore either as it too can be a serious addiction for some. D
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I spent a lot of time at horse tracks growing up. While my parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles bet, I wandered the bleachers picking up used tickets. I especially like when people didn’t tear them up after they lost, and I organized them by size and color.
Lots of memories of horsetracks.
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ybonesy, you are doing it! One day at a time. Sending continued support your way. The water consumption sounds really good. I always feel better when I drink a lot of water.
I heard a story on Antiques Roadshow about how this young boy would wander under the bleachers picking up empty discarded Cracker Jack boxes back in the day when they used to put baseball cards in them. By the time he was done, he had a complete collection of original Cracker Jack cards. He has passed them down to his children and they are now worth thousands of dollars. I wonder if the same could be true of used horse racing tickets? I can totally see you collecting them as a child.
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