dee and me, detail from a Mother-Daughter mural
that our Moms-Daughters group created.
Last night Jim and I attended a meeting for families who will be hosting exchange students from Mexico City starting next week. Our oldest daughter’s school has a two-week exchange program with a bilingual school in Mexico’s capital, and we signed up to be a host family.
Our exchange student is a twelve-year-old girl who has an older brother and younger sister. She loves animals—her menagerie includes a dog, rabbit, turtles, birds, and fish. I wrote last night to her father to let him know that we are also animal lovers, with three dogs, turkeys, a horse, and a bullsnake. (I made sure to tell him that the bullsnake lives outside.)
We’re excited to host this young girl. The exchange program coordinators have planned activities of all kinds to give the students a taste of the best things to do and see in Albuquerque and surrounding areas. The host family’s job is to provide three square meals a day, a private room, and a comfortable, safe, and stable environment. Of course, the mother in me is also prepared to provide love, support, and a wonderful experience—in short, a home away from home.
Benefits of Exchange Student Hosting
- Gain a lasting friendship: While two weeks might not be long enough to bond for a lifetime, foreign exchange is built on trust. The parents of the student send their child to another country with faith that she will be kept safe and cared for. In turn, we embrace the student into our family. Assuming all goes well, we enter this as strangers and walk away knowing that we each took a leap of faith and met one another’s trust.
- Learn about another culture: Having an exchange student is immersion into another culture, except instead of you going to another country, the country comes to you. We’ll plow this child with questions about her life, family, school, traditions, foods, friends, home. You name it, we’ll want to know about it. She’ll be her country’s ambassador, and we’ll be ours.
- See your family and your life through someone else’s eyes: There is nothing like putting the mirror to yourself to help realize how fortunate you are. And to remind yourself that if you can create the family you want to be for this student, you can be that family always.
- Do the things you love most about the place where you live: With almost all of our family living in our city, we don’t do enough of the things tourists do in our town.
- Be reminded of the importance of community: I hope to introduce our student to my parents and Jim’s, and to have her get to know Dee’s friends. Also, Dee’s best friends’ parents, who are all part of a common carpool, offered to accommodate this new rider in our carpool. Doing so wasn’t easy and involved a couple of people loaning vans to those of us who were limited by car size. Once again I was struck by the generosity of friends.
What to Expect (and Tips to Handle the Unexpected)
- Homesickness: This girl is still a pretty tiny person in the world. This is her first exchange, and I’m prepared for her to hit a wall. (My gosh, I do whenever I travel abroad, and I’m an adult!) If it happens, we’ll do everything we can to help her get through—cook a favorite meal or ask her to show us how to cook something from her country, let her sleep with the girls’ stuffed animals, hug her, take her somewhere fun to distract her, let her call home (although that can make it worse), or meet up with another exchange student if she has a friend in the group.
- Illness: I’m not the world’s best caregiver of sick people, but the good news is I’m better with children and animals than with my husband. (smile) Although, last night when the program coordinator asked us what we’d do if our host child woke up in the night with nausea, I whispered to Jim that I’d throw a towel over her head and run get him. But in all honesty, I can cope. We’d have to call the coordinator before administering any medications, even over-the-counter, although we can provide ginger ale, Saltines, and anything else that might provide short-term relief. And I will sit by her side and soothe her.
- Conflict: Even though 12-year-olds are less likely than high schoolers to rebel, we’ve been advised to expect that conflicts might arise. Perhaps the student will want to do nothing but listen to her iPod or be on email or want to go somewhere that we can’t accommodate. Maybe she doesn’t like the food or gets up late every morning. Who knows? What I do know is that it will be important to let her know our schedule and our expectations. We have routines, practices, and traditions, and while we’ll be flexible we also need to maintain sane, healthy lives.
- Exhaustion: Immersion in another country can be exhausting—all that thinking and speaking and living in a different language, not to mention that fact that you never really let your guard down. We were advised that our student might become withdrawn, expecially with all the activity, and if this happens to not take it personally. We’ll give our student down time, let her take naps or go to bed early. And of course, we love to sit quietly and read. Exhaustion we can handle.
Our temporary family member arrives this Saturday afternoon. We’ll let you know how it goes.
In the mean time, I’m curious if any of you’ve hosted foreign exchange students or have been an exchange student yourself. If so, what was your experience? And if not, have you ever entertained the idea of either role? Did you long to be an exchange student in high school? Do you toy with the notion of hosting a student now? I want to hear about it.
It’s really neat that you’re doing this, and your post is actually a great resource for other people who may want to become host families. What a neat experience…
We had a Japanese exchange student at our mom’s home when I was about 9. She got really homesick, but she taught me origami, and they give a lot of gifts. I ended up looking frantically around my room for something to give her back, cus we weren’t prepared for gift exchanges beyond the first acquaintance/courtesy gift. But she had a whole bunch of things- sheaves of paper, little toys and notebooks from Japan. I guess generosity is more of a common custom there.
I think your exchange student is very lucky to have you all as her host family.
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yb, a big horray for you & your family for doing this! I think I might have mentioned that for years a good friend of mine & her family did a similar thing. They lived on a farm in the area in which I grew up. They had a dairy farm, but also raised pigs. They hosted a child from NYC every year for as long as I could remember. That particular program was called The Fresh Air Program. I can’t tell you how rewarding it was for them to do this. Like you & Jim, they had children of their own. I was fortuate to have met some of the children & most of them had never seen a cow, let alone country life.
The concerns you mention are certainally real, but it seems like you are prepared for them. I hope it is a wonderful experience for all!
For my family, we always adopted a resident from the mental institution for Thanksgiving & Christmas. My Mom, who was a nurse there, gave us this gift. I say gift, because it was a lesson in life that I will never forget. We carried on the tradition for 15 years.
Best wishes to you & your family! Wonderful thing that you are doing! D
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I can just imagine you, your family and your house enveloping this little one in a big scoop of love and care. She is one lucky girl. What a great opportunity for your girls, but also for you and Jim too.
I think I would have liked to have hosted a foreign student when my kids were still home, but i think the fear of not knowing the language and problems with communication always held us back.
I do not have a good head for foreign languages, and I’ve tried many times, with several different languages, but anything but the simplest seems to escape me. All that Latin I took in high school can only get me so far. Grin!
My two oldest were not into languages either, though they took the obligatory courses – in Spanish. It wasn’t until my third child decided to take German, and did really well with it, that we looked into exchange students, but at the time there were no opportunities for a German speaking student. But it’s always an experience I would have liked to have done.
Hope all goes well. Enjoy!
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Thanks, amuirin. That’s cool that your mom hosted a student from Japan when you were young. I wonder if that had the effect of perhaps making you more aware that the world was bigger than what you knew of it. Maybe I’m reading too much into what a nine-year-old can actually take away from such an experience, but I would hope that my youngest one will start to think about the world at large as a result of this experience.
Re: gift-giving, I have noticed that anywhere I travel, my work colleagues always give me little gifts. Plates and embroderies and folk art, even jewelry. Not anything outrageous—just tokens. Things I can take back and remember the place I’d been to. But when they come to the US, we’re almost the opposite. We hardly ever give them gifts.
Well, I’ve changed that practice and now always try to take something small with me when I travel. And we are planning to get a stuffed animal for this girl so she can also hold on to it if she gets sad at night while in bed.
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diddy, the Fresh Air program sounds really cool. I think those of us who live in more rural areas take for granted the fact that we experience something totally different from what truly big-city dwellers experience.
Also, I’m intrigued by your mom and her work. She sounds kind. Has she kept in touch with any of her former patients?
Bo, Jim was pretty worried about the language. Of course, this is just two weeks—a whole year is a much higher level of commitment. But he kept saying—you will be around to talk to her, right? It turns out that her English will probably be very strong. But yeah, I’ll love getting the chance to speak Spanish should she want to.
German seems like such a hard language to learn. Taos Ski Valley has one of the best German language program (or at least used to) in the country. The founder was German.
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YB, we did quite a bit of hosting; not all students but a mix.
My husband belonged to Rotary International, and our first guests were young men associated with that; the first was from England, the next from Denmark. We also hosted people through a YMCA program; two Japanese girls, college age, who were English majors and, another time, two youg men from Japan, who were members of a club that loved all things American, but NOT fluent in English, nor were we any better with their language.
The youngest guests were high school age; a brother & sister from Germany, and a girl from France. Once we hosted two chaperones and kids from Russia, that were part of a musical group.
The French girl was the only one who got homesick, but just on her first evening with us. Many hugs, and a large bowl of ice cream made her feel better. She wanted, most of all to see a rodeo, and we found a small one to attend.
Lots of good memories…the Englishman asked for a drink of water the first night, and his comment was, “It tastes rather like a swimming pool.” (He never asked for another.)
The Japanese girls stood on either side of me, taking notes, while I made a Carrot cake for company. I had invited a family with daughters the ages of our guests. (This resulted in a flight for the girls in the family’s Cessna.)
All of our guests were fascinated with the “cowboy & Indian” culture of the frontier West. I usually took them on a trip from Bismarck to Medora & the T. Roosevelt Nat’l. Park in the Badlands, looping down to the Black Hills where they saw Mt. Rushmore.
I learned to first find out what their expectations were and then tried my best to meet them. Usually there were shopping trips for their gifts and souveniers to take home. The small paperback language dictionaries are great, (although our Danish guest was greatly amused by our pronunciation!) But then, laughter is the same in any language, and always appreciated! I found that they wanted to have typical American food; nothing too “gourmet.”
It was very beneficial for my family to get acquainted with
individuals from other countries. I believe it helped them see that all cultures have differences, but that the similarities of “humanity” far outweigh those differences. Escuse me for getting carried away.
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yb, our state closed the facility that my Mom worked for many years ago. It was state owned & they turned it into a prison, where my sister-in-law & two of my nieces now work. But, my Mom retired years before that all changed & started a reunion for the retired & current employee’s of the facility. They still gather once a year. Sadly, it is impossible to track any past residents. Most of them were not mentally ill, but simply had no family members willing to care for them. My Mom is a very kind person. I often did volunteer work there when she was the head of the Activities Dept.. I can’t tell you how many times she would bring an entire busload of residents to our home for a picnic, or just a day out. In my teenage years, it used to freak a lot of my friends out. But, I was used to it. Mom is a true angel, for sure.
Yes, The Fresh Air Program was awesome! The community in which I was raised was just the perfect place for it.
I admire what your family is doing. And, I’m looking forward to hearing more! D
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My youngest, yb, thinks German is a breeze, compared to the 3 years of Spanish she had in middle school. She oped out of the first 2 years of college German and then took a year before she couldn’t fit it in her schedule. As a comp sci/math major, she can’t fit language in, but she wants to. Maybe her senior year she can do the German lit.
Once you are in the sciences, it’s hard to get the other classes in. They seem so time-eating with all the labs.
It’s all beyond me, though I would love to speak a language besides English.
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yb, this is an inspiring post. Your family seems ready for anything that might crop up and excited to invite a new person into their home. (Do Em and Dee have any reservations about it at all?)
One thing I know for sure, all of your animals and pets will put her right at ease if she already loves animals. They love unconditionally and speak a Universal language. 8)
It’s great to read others’ experiences with exchange students, too. It was not something I ever even thought about growing up. I had dreams of traveling all over the U.S. by car and experiencing the different regions of our country (which I have done). But I was not a person drawn to go to other countries at all, until maybe in my 30’s when I made a list of places I wanted to go in the world.
I do have a few places left on my list I want to go, to see the art in Europe and some of the Celtic ruins. I wonder what makes some people more inclined to world travel, and others feel satisfied staying close to home or never leaving their own hometowns (?).
It seems like a wonderful opportunity for your family, yb. I’m kind of like Bo, I don’t have a good ear for foreign languages either. I took 2 years of Spanish, 2 years of Latin (required when I was in junior high) but don’t remember very much of it at all. Other students around me picked the Spanish up easily but I always struggled with it.
I’m in awe of people who speak 4 or 5 languages. Amazing to me. Maybe it has to do with people who are audio dominant as opposed to visually dominant and are attuned to their environment more through hearing.
BTW, yb, I love the Mother-Daughter mural from your Moms-Daughters group. Can you say more about that group? How did it form and how often do you meet?
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A great thing to do, I’m looking forward to our own exchanges down the line.
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oliverowl, yeah, Rotary is really big into foreign exchange. I have a friend who has hosted, too, via Rotary.
It sounds like it was a lot of fun in your household with all the young people from different countries. One of the things I wonder about with a long stay—say, a full year—is, how do siblings adjust? Was there ever any sibling rivalry on account of the attention paid to the exchange students? Or was it mostly seen as a real adventure for the family?
And you’re so right about the benefit of seeing how our humanity connects us all, regardless of our nationalities.
Bo, your daughter’s proficiency with both Science and language makes me wonder about brain connections that might influence one’s faculty with both types of skills.
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QM, the girls are thoroughly excited. We received photos of the family this morning, plus one of their dog. That’s made it seem more real.
We took the girls with us to the info session Wed night, even though it was mostly parents, and so we all heard at the same time about the many different types of scenarios to expect—homesickness, conflicts, etc. I think that helped temper all our expectations—this might not be all rosy. But the girls are very easy-going, and I think they’re prepared to take things in stride. Dee, of course, wants to introduce the student to Dooley, Dee’s horse. We can’t let her ride Dooley unless we get permission, however.
I’m really glad, btw, that safety is so key in this program. Makes me realize that if we send Dee to Mexico as part of the exchange—students from here go in March—then they’ll be as cautious as we are.
Regarding the mural, QM, this was created by five mothers and their daughters. Our daughters are all in the same grade and all good friends. The moms started the group last year as a way to support one another, and to see if we could counter the idea that girls must conflict with their mothers as a way of separating and gaining independence. Our group used a book—The Mother-Daughter Project [LINK]—as a guide. I can’t say enough about how helpful this group has been to me as a mother of a middle-school-aged daughter. (Also, this is on my list of posts to write about for rR.)
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Hey that’s gonna’ be fun! I look forward to reading about the adventure. Maybe you can persuade her to write a guest post!
Also, perhaps you guys could start thinking about the possibility of hosting a poor starving journalist from China. He misses a lot about the states but he is missing nothing as much as good Mexican food!
Just a thought!
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Great idea, E.G. I’m going to explore that for sure.
You would think with all that not chile from Sichuan that a person in China could cook up some good Mexican food there. How about corn tortillas? I guess those would be hard to find. And coriander (cilantro). Although one of the best places I go for fresh herbs and exotic vegetables and fruits, including many that can be found in the coastal areas of Mexico, is the big Asian market in Albuquerque. Really great stuff.
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What a wonderful thing for all of 5 of you to experience! I could never do it because I’d have to feed the poor kid but I love the idea of hosting and meeting people from all over!
My guess is, by the time this young girl leaves, you will all love each other madly, be teary eyed at the adieu…and will have made a bond for life. I think the portrait with their dog gives you a little view into their family. Anyone that includes the family pet is alright in my book 😉
yb, The closet thing to this for me was having 22 Europeans at the gallery 2 weeks ago. They were all visiting sales people from my husband’s company. They drank all my booze and spent allot of money on gifts for their kids. There was shouting and laughter all through the hallways in all kinds of accents. I loved the Scots best but the Parisians were hysterical!
My best wishes for a wonderful 2 weeks. It all sounds muy bueno!
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I hope you’re right, H. Well, I trust you’re right—you’re witchy that way. 8)
Wow, 22 European sales guys all crowded into your gallery and buying stuff?! That’s awesome. Way better than 22 European sales guys all crowded into a hot tub drinking beer. (Insider joke at the company I work about European sales guys and hot tubs. 😉 .)
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yb, thanks for the info about the Mother/Daughter mural. That’s a pretty cool project. I can’t wait until your post to read more.
Hey, keep us posted about the exchange student. She’s arriving today, right? It’s going to be an exciting few weeks!
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Right, QM. She’s here. A *very* sweet girl. We got some movies, Jim’s making popcorn. Had a good dinner. I’m ready for bed. 8)
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Looking forward to hearing more about it, I know she will hve a grand time. I would love to be an exchange student in your home! 🙂
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So far so good. We had a lot of fun today, first just hanging out in pajamas (well, our student, not me) until 11, and then heading out at noon to do a little visiting about. We went to a really cool Mexican market, and you should have seen her eyes. I think she thought she was back in Mexico. It is one of the coolest markets in Albuquerque, completely catering to Mexican immigrants and Mexican-Americans. Then to Mom and Dad’s, where my parents both hugged her and welcomed her as their latest granddaughter. Oh, and she got to meet my brother’s 6-week-old basset hound puppy; my gosh, what an adorable puppy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything that cute. Wished I’d had my camera. And then a potluck where she got to meet up with the other Mexican exchange students and host families. To bed early tonight, though, as tomorrow morning will be tough I’m sure.
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You are a generous person, and I’m sure it will come back to you with the beautiful experience you’ll have. I’ve never had an exchange student. Maybe now is the time!
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I think your youngest son is the perfect age to enjoy the experience of an exchange student. I notice the boys from this group are all pretty outgoing and talking to the host families, the boys seem to get comfortable quickly.
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That’s so cool that you are hosting an exchange student! How exciting! I myself was an exchange student for a month in Spain when I was a junior in high school. It was the most humbling, exciting, and new experience that I have ever had. Most think adapting to college is hard, but adapting to a family in a different country is much more difficult. I hope she is having a good time, because living with a host family is extremely fun, although a bit scary at first. I’ll be an exchange student again in about 6 months when I go back to Spain to study for a semester. But i bet 2 weeks as a 12 year old might feel like an eternity!
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It’s good to read about your experience, Adam. If it was hard for you to adapt—and you were in high school and an extremely independent gregarious guy, not to mention my favorite nephew—then it must be super hard for our guest. 8) But truthfully, it really must seem like an eternity for her, you’re right.
Today seemed like a bit of a shift in her level of comfort. She had been reserved and still sort of quietly moving around the house. But today for the first time she actually seemed somewhat at home. She got herself a snack (I’d been telling her that she never had to ask, just help herself). She’s talking a lot more. She and Dee took over a large table in the back and have made that their hang-out for doing homework and playing music. She’s settling in—we all are.
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Hi Yb –
I have a friend that just completed two weeks with an exchange student from China. He was 16 years old. It was such a positive experience for her and her family and when he left, they missed him alot and the house actually felt empty to them. They have been emailing frequently (at least for now.) He intends to return to the US for college and he has an open invitation to stay with them when he returns. My friend learned so much about a certain area of China (as did I.) He also learned about the “daily” life of Americans and how American schools operate. Plus, my friend and her family did the tourist thing over the two weeks which is something they rarely do by themselves (don’t we all.) It was quite a wonderful experience for them. All of the students from China took a day trip (via the Railrunner) to SF. They took the same RailRunner back that I did. I was watching them interact and of course, they were average giggling, joking teenagers having a great time away from home and parents.
I think that this exchange program is fantastic in that it slowly but surely creates a one world atmosphere by linking us average people (the ones who really run the world) together and makes us realize that we are really not all that different from each other after all, and if we are, maybe there are aspects about our fellow human beings that we can adopt to make life that much better. Neecy
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YB – I forgot to add that I know that you will have a wonderful experience with your student and I know for a fact that she will have a wonderful experience in your household. You are just too cool for doing this YB. Your friend Neecy
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Oh, Neecy, how cool. The Mexican exchange students also took the Railrunner to SF, as did all the host students and many of their parents. I didn’t go, as that was the day my friends from Brazil came to town, but it was a blast for all of them. And they went to Bandelier National Monument and sledding one day, and to the aquarium/zoo/mall another day, and to the tram another day. Whew, they were *exhausted*!
But, the latest news is that this morning we took our exchange student to the airport at 9. We stayed with her and the rest of them until 10:30, when they finally headed through Security. Everyone in our house was sad since last night, with my girls and the exchange student all crying and hugging. We helped her pack after a wonderful dinner with my Brazilian friends and their kids—so it was lots of fun to have all these kids in the house playing the Wii and such. And I thought I would hold it together, tickling everyone so they wouldn’t be sad. But when we finally stood together, all the New Mexican host families, waving goodbye to the Mexican exchange students, who stood similarly as a crowd facing us, I called out her name one more time to say goodbye and the tears started flowing. Em sobbed and sobbed, and off we trudged back to our car.
The house does feel empty. It was such a great experience. It was a lot of work, a lot of shuttling kids to places and getting them up and making sure they ate well. With your own kids you just let them make their own snacks or their own lunches, and if you’re not feeling well you hit the sack and don’t worry about them getting to bed. But having an exchange student, I was aware of not wanting to leave her to fend for herself.
But it was all worth it. I think we have a friend forever.
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YB – I think you will all have a life long friend. My friend’s Chinese student called her Mum. She is thrilled that he still calls her Mum when he e-mails them. Too cool. 🙂
I wish I would have done that with Bry. Too late now as he only has three more months until he graduates. Maybe there is some kind of program like that in college. I’ll have to check it out (even though Bry will be staying in the dorms.)
What a great experience for your whole family YB. I think that it will continue throughout the years too. Neecy
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PS – I just read oliverowls submission and it looks like there are different venues for foreign exchange students which I will look into since I will “soon” have a guest bedroom. N
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ybonesy, I love your update on the Mexican exchange student. That is so touching. I’m sure I would have cried, too. It sounds like you all packed a lot in while she was there and that it was a great experience all the way around.
Would you do it again? Or is there anything you wish would have been different? And I’m wondering now if one of your girls will want to do the exchange program the other way around.
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I would definitely do it again, QM. Although it adds a level of stress to have someone in your home, the whole family pitched in and helped her feel comfortable. I think the only thing I would recommend to the program coordinators is that they start each weekend day a bit later to let the students get more sleep. For example, instead of cramming in both Bandelier National Monument AND sledding in one day, just do sledding and start at 10a instead of 8a. Or start the zoo visit at noon instead of 9. I still think the kids would want to see all they did, but if they could have balanced the activity with more leisurely mornings, it would have been great for all of us.
Also, while two weeks was OK for middle-school-aged kids, I couldn’t imagine them staying for longer than two weeks. High schoolers, yes. They can take the month or six-month or year-long stays, but for these 12- and 13- and 14-year-olds, two weeks are perfect.
Dee wants to do the exchange next year or possibly the following year (or maybe both). I think she’d do pretty well there. She’s been doing week-long and two-week-long stints at camp or with friends (in Colorado or at Ghost Ranch, for example) since she was about 8 or 9. We’d probably have a harder time than her adjusting to the time away. 8)
Neece, yeah, you could definitely still host a student, any time. Some of our neighbors from our old street had a young girl from Korea. Their own kids had moved out, but they decided to host anyway. And they have since gone and visited her and her family there.
Likewise, I’ve received an invitation from our exchange student’s father to please come and visit and stay with them. And I extended a similar invitation to him and his three kids. I hope they take us up on it and come in summer. And I’d love to go back to Mexico City. It’s been years since I’ve been there. One of my favorite cities in the world. Very vibrant.
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Well, life seems kind of ordinary this Monday morning as compared to the last two. I was reflecting on this as I made breakfast sausage and hard boiled eggs for breakfast and got Dee’s lunch together. I didn’t do anything differently while our exchange student was here than I did this morning (except make one more lunch), but there was during that time in the back of my mind the notion that we had a guest in our house and that I wanted her to be well-cared for. How is it that that single notion would make things feel so different?
I hope we hear from her soon. I realized we still have the calling card that we got so she could call home. If we use it on a Sunday, we probably can call her and talk for an hour or so. I’d like to call her next weekend, perhaps. And other times during the year. Maybe for her birthday.
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ybonesy, I saw that this post was going to roll off the front page and remembered that I had wanted to follow up on your last comment. Did you ever hear from your exchange student after she got home? Any other feedback from her on how the experience was?
I was also noticing your question about how something different like having a Guest in our home can change the way things feel and our actions around that. It kind of wakes us up in a way; it’s a different angle from which to approach our own lives.
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[…] make matters worse, I had committed to taking on an exchange student from Mexico for two of the four weeks that I might have used to complete the paintings. In hindsight I believe […]
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