American in Vietnam, pen and ink on graph paper, doodle
© 2008 by ybonesy. All rights reserved.
I once went bathing suit shopping in China. The store I went to was tiny, the size of a master-bedroom closet. All the swimsuits were either Large or Extra-Large. After poring through the racks I finally found one Medium-sized bikini. I took it to the sales clerk, pointed to the M on the tag and asked by motioning around the store if there were any others that size.
The sales clerk looked at me askew. At the time I was a size 4, and what I really wanted was a Small but figured I’d have to make due with Medium. I pointed again to the M on the tag then to myself, and with all the flair of Vanna White I waved my arm up and down the length of my body as if to say, See? I’m not Large or Extra-large.
The clerk said something in Mandarin, at which point four Chinese shoppers broke out giggling. She disappeared to the back of the store and soon emerged with three more bathing suits, all size M. I picked out a bikini with bottoms more like shorts than panties, gave her my money, and walked back to my hotel without trying on the suit.
When I got to my room and changed, I could hardly pull the bottoms up over my hips. Once on, the fabric squeezed so tightly that what bit of fat I had rolled over the waistband. The top was even worse. I could barely get it over my shoulders and breasts, and in the end it looked like parts of me were vacuum packed. It was then that I realized that Large and Extra-Large in Chinese women sizes were more like Small and Medium in U.S. women sizes.
The night before I bought the suit, I’d walked down to the pool and noticed a man who I assumed to be European, rather large in the belly, wearing such a skimpy Speedo that you could barely see it under his rolls of flesh and flab. When I saw my own reflection in the mirror, that way-too-small bikini pressing me like sausage casing, I decided to go down to the pool anyway. If men had no compunctions about flashing their imperfect bodies, well, I’d have zero shame about bearing mine.
This might seem a tad disingenuous, a size 4 woman lamenting the phenomenon of incredibly shrinking body sizes in Asia, but on my recent trip to Vietnam I became even more aware of how large we Americans look next to the Vietnamese. I asked my female work colleagues about it and they said that young Vietnamese women are extremely body conscious and have landed on the tiniest of sizes as the body ideal.
When I lived in Spain in the mid-1980s, women in their early 20s smoked and drank coffee to stay thin. The food I loved most—sharp cheese, air-cured ham, and chewy rolls—was comida non-grata among my Spanish amigas. My best friend regularly pulled the soft doughy sections out of her dinner rolls, and at times after I finished eating whatever was on my plate, I’d polish off the guts from her bread.
As middling ages tend to have middling effects, my body has slowly grown into a size 6, which it is barely holding. I can’t keep up with the exercise regime that once kept me at my thinnest and firmest. One of my Vietnam colleagues and I talked over dinner my last day in Saigon, and she confirmed that in her country, size 6 is not even close to Small. More like 0 or 1, she said, which is not surprising given that women there naturally have much smaller frames to begin with than we Americans.
Fortunately, like me she enjoyed good food, and so the two of us ate our several shared meals with gusto.
For better or worse, I did feel more self-conscious of my body while in Saigon than I’ve ever felt before. Walking behind throngs of size 0 Vietnamese women, I found myself wondering what will become of the body ideal over time as images of super-thin supermodels become ever more pervasive.
Interestingly, the woman across from me on the flight home from Hong Kong was a U.S. Olympian returning from Beijing. Her body was muscular yet by no means small. She looked healthy in all her sinewy glory.
In the end, I realize, it’s not size that matters (except insofar as weight—too much or too little—imperils one’s health). What matters most is how you feel, inside and out. One can be super-thin yet unable to swim across a pool or hike up a mountain.
What good is a skinny body that can’t do much but look great in clothes?
You call it “American in Vietnam”, I call it “Buddha of the Pears”. Love the illustrations, Ybonesy, regardless of title!
I won’t get into the meat of the discussion — except to say that in some countries, I’d be forced to take up sewing — but I do recall when I was working with kids through Japan America Academic Center, one of the students remarked to me that she couldn’t buy clothes in America, because they were all too big.
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Strange how sizes vary. I find feet can be even more dramatic than bodies. In the UK some ranges of shoes don’t do my size because it’s too small, here in south america I am at the upper end of the size range!
I have to say I’m enjoying having a huge choice of clothes and shoes in my size… no more having to find special ranges of clothing for women of 5″ as that seems to be the target size. Not to mention that they seem to get the shape right. I feel another shopping spree coming on…
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Yb — great and colorful doodle. I always appreciate the honesty in your writing. I have never been a size 6, even in grade school. As a young adult, I dieted my way to a size 7 once and some people accused me of looking emaciated. No one would accuse me of that now…
You said, “What matters most is health,” and I agree, but those of us who carry extra weight and “get away with it,” are often sadly surprised later in life when high blood pressure or diabetes is diagnosed. At my last physical, I told my doc that I thought I’d been fortunate not to have health complications from my extra weight. I thought at 52, it was time to lose it. My doc offered, “Women who carry extra weight often have stronger bones.”
Well, “Amen” to that. Two weeks ago, I fell 12-feet from a deck, while trimming a tree and landed on my back. I suffered a compression fracture to one vertebrae. I was very lucky to have survived the “extreme bone density test.” Now, however, my poor fractured back wishes that it didn’t have to haul my big ol’ butt around! I think I’ve hung on to this excess weight just long enough and now, I’m ready to release it, with gratitude for it helping to keep my bones strong. I’ll take-up lifting weights that I can put down, to keep them strong in the future.
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Amen, sister!
breathepeace – Your doctor was righ that “women who carry extra weight often have stronger bones.” At the ripe old age of 25, I am already osteopenic. I’m skinny, and come from skinny genes. My grandmother (who, incidentally, died of osteoporosis) weighed less than 90 pounds in her last few years. My mother weighs around 100. I’ve been instructed to take up weight-lifting, but I don’t do it as often as I should.
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Interesting how you comment that girls used coffee and cigarettes to stay thin. At my college campus, which is plagued with pre medical students, cigarette smoking is becoming increasingly common. And it isn’t only young women; most of my guy friends have taken up smoking, even admitting that the reason they smoke is to decrease their appetite. I wonder what is happening to our generation when body appearance is a priority over health.
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fascinating. I lived in Hong Kong for five years, and was a size US 6 when there and the women were tiny…….I couldn’t even buy shoes to fit my small for my height size 9s (US). I felt like a giant at 5 ‘9, was taller than almost all the men. But the Chinese girls I knew ate well, very well, they were just genetically disposed to tiny, sigh. Welcome home.
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Love the Botero-like blimp woman in checkered pants. When checkered pants were in style, back in the 70s when i weighed 115lbs, I always felt as if i was a large pneumatic clown-woman whenever i wore the ever-so-stylish black and white plad pants, which soon were given to the sewing pile. Ugh!
Oh, and the coffee and cigarettes habit – back in U, we used it as a way of ignoring we had little money for food – yet we puffed away on roll your owns like they were going out of style. Of course, for young women even then skinnyness was akin to virtuousness. Only slobby slatterns alllowed themselves pillowy plush proportions.
Glad you are back! G
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Thanks, G. I’m glad to be back. I actually slept through the night last night, although as I recall, jet lag was worst on about day 3.
Yeah, I remember balloon-like checked pants, although they had that same effect on me — clown woman.
I thought of Botero when I drew this fellow (it’s a man, but I can see where he could go either way). Funny how he and other artists have influenced me without my realizing it.
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Jo, there absolutely is a genetic disposition among Asians to be thin, just as there is among Chicanos to be large. But what I heard from some of my friends on this trip was that there is a great deal of pressure these days to *remain* extremely thin and small.
Hey, what were you doing in Hong Kong for so many years?
Hey, Beak, happy 21st! I hear you and your friends had a little hoopla in Vegas. Cool. Yeah, that’s so ironic that folks will sacrifice health for “beauty.” Especially smoking, as it kills cells and eventually causes the skin to look so very sickly. Glad you’re healthy both inside and out.
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breathepeace, while in Vietnam I read about your fall. WOW. I’m so relieved to hear you made it through that 12 feet with your life intact. The “extreme bone density test” — HA! Glad your strong sense of humor is also intact.
It is a balance, isn’t it? My parents have both been lucky. There is oodles of Diabetes and high blood pressure on both sides, yet they’ve been able to keep their weight–and, consequently, health–in check through walking (Dad) and working out at the gym (Mom). They both watch what they eat as well.
Some body types are just naturally prone to weight gain. Jim is an ectomorph, forever thin. Not me, and one of the reasons I work out and keep the pounds in check is precisely because I don’t want to outweigh him. Not easy, given how thin he is.
teaspoon, with that genetic disposition, you’d best get to the weights, girlfriend. Do you also consume lots of calcium? Trader Joe’s yogurt!!
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Sam, I had the opposite problem at the Saigon Market, which, btw, is the best place ever to shop. Many authentic brand names, most less than $10. But yes, small sizes, and then every so often a really big one. Love the new title, btw. Budda of the Pears. Nice.
Lirone, I would imagine you have some nice shoe choices, what with South American leather being as good as it is. I do like shoes from countries other than the US. Israel has the best shoes, oddly. Brazil uber-stylish. My shoe-hoggish tendencies would, indeed, come out if I found myself in a good, cheap shoe place in the world.
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This is a priceless work of art. Gotta love magenta skin, too. And I am sure glad to hear about that bone density issue – just in case. Ha!
Welcome home!
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Priceless illustration yb…love the perspective leading to the tiny feet. That cracks me up.
size 4 indeed…I’m sure I was once a 4 yb, possibly in the second grade, but I’d have to think on it. I remember being a 6 for a long time in my twenties but I also remember having to sew 3″ brocade ribbon on the bottom of my pants. God bless Levi Strauss who always made pants at least 8 inches longer than any human ever needed.
All of my friends who hail originally from Vietnam are a whopping 4’8″ or under. They all wear shoes with 6″ foam soles. When there’s a sale at Target with funky hi-rise sandals involved, I always know I’ll soon see them sported in every color.
Rose, who is the tiniest of the group at about 4’5″ and 80lbs sopping wet, had a 10 year old boys body until she had the recent “American Boob job” (which BTW, I’m still laughing about). Now she has a boys body with boobs…but she’s happy… so I am for her.
I’m tall and big boned (some German in there) (not the grim look, just the big bone part) and I’m glad of it. I once rode the elevator that takes you up to the top of the Eiffel Tower with about 200 tiny Chinese people. I was the only American, right in the center…and naturally they didn’t understand my American spacial needs. With a bit of height, I was still able to find adequate oxygen levels 😉
yb, glad your back and may I assume… gave and got many hugs 😉
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I was the managing editor of a bunch of architectural mags…..and boy was that the place to be……building crazy. I loved my time there, they were some of the best years of my life.
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Yes, I would imagine so. What a heyday that would have been. It’s such a beautiful cityscape.
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Heather and Bo, thanks. Heather, you crack me up. Size 4 when in second grade?? LOL. I remember spending the summer between fifth and sixth with my grandma and going from 61 pounds to 72. It was a big deal.
Great description of standing in the elevator. I can just see you there, some great giraffe. 8)
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ybonesy, this drawing rocks. I’m so happy to have you back. I missed your energy and fire. We make a good team. 8) Your doodle reminds me of how I felt last week at the MN State Fair!
There is a lot I can say about weight. I have struggled with weight for my entire adult life. I am heartened by breathepeace’s comments about some of the more positive sides, like strong bones. I have to really work at keeping my weight down, and right now is one of those times when I feel like I’m busting out of all my clothes. I vowed to take action after I gobbled down all that Southern food in July and Fair food in August. But I don’t yet have a plan. I find it’s one of those things I have to be emotionally ready for, or I won’t be successful.
I have learned to hide the weight well. Or maybe I just carry it well. Most don’t know I weigh as much as I do. Considering everything, I have relatively good health. But we all know how easily that can change. Especially, as you mention, with age. Or as breathepeace mentions, with a fall or unexpected accident.
I guess it goes without saying that there are double standards for men and women around weight issues as well. And have you ever noticed how the sizes and quality of men’s clothes are pretty uniform (a 30 inch waist is a 30 inch waist)? And for women, the sizes vary from label to label. And they throw pieces of affordable clothing out there that are way below standard in terms of quality. You really have to shop around and try everything on.
I found out about the weight double standards firsthand when I was in high school, I was a jock, solid muscle. And because of that muscle, I weighed outside of the range (at that time) for women to get into athletic programs in colleges. So the college wrote to tell me I was overweight — too heavy for their program. Talk about confusing. I had to go to my family doctor and get a signed letter from him telling them I wasn’t overweight — that, in fact, I was the healthiest, in shape, and most muscular I had ever been in my life. Talk about eye opening.
I did end up getting in. But what a thing to tell a fit young woman (who had lettered in three sports and exercised nearly every day of her junior high and high school years) about to embark on a college career. Anyway, you know what I find interesting about your story is the way you were able experience (by way of being in another country) the kind of uncomfortableness and giggles that most women here in America who are overweight feel on an almost daily basis. This is not a place that is kind to overweight women. And it’s dangerous to judge other people’s weight without knowing the story of their general health.
I really feel for women who are raising girls in this day and age. And even young boys who are overweight can become self-conscious and be teased by other kids. Weight is a big part of body image. And there are as many different body sizes and types as their are personalities. How in the world can everyone be expected to adhere to a certain standard?
Good topic of discussion. I’m glad you opened up the conversation. Maybe it will motivate me. 8)
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yb, first of all welcome back! This is a good topic of conversation & as QM pointed out several reasons to be concerned about so called standards. I have constantly battled up & down weight issues & must say that when I weighed the least was also when I was in the worst possible shape ever! ( Healthwise, that is) Several years ago I joined a weight loss clinic & I really felt so small & insignifcant after I attended the first meeting. It was then that I realized that others were battling weight in a much different way than me. Most were easily 75 lbs. overweight. I was there to lose 20 & be at my ideal healthy weight. I felt like I didn’t belong there & must look ridiculous to the rest of the group. But, the program I was on was very well monitored & I was able to discontinue one of my blood pressure meds. That & my back pain were my reasons for joining, though I doubt the others ever knew that & probably thought of me as a vain individual. (However, I do find that the better brand clothing is sized smaller than my actual size & I take great comfort in knowing that! 🙂 )
Oh, & a size 6? Never in my wildest dreams. And shoes? I’m a very normal 7 1/2 and when sales comes along that size is usually not as available as the smaller & larger sizes. D
Oh, & love the doodle!
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If Shrek had ever gotten a gander at that purple pear beauty, poor Fiona might have become a distant memory.
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LOL, amuirin.
Thanks, diddy. Ah, yeah, that’s a tough shoe size as far as sales are concerned. I’m an 8, slightly better. Interesting about the experience with the weight loss clinic and feeling self-conscious about only need to lose those 20. It’s really great that you achieved that and got off the meds. Twenty pounds can make a huge difference.
QM, I hadn’t noticed that double standard about men’s clothing sizes, but I certainly did know that women’s vary greatly. Seems like the boutique or designer brands want to make women feel good, so they make bigger sizes smaller. And then stores that start with 0 as about a size 6. That’s goofy. I think Chico’s does that, although I’m not a big Chico’s shopper.
Wow, amazing what you had to go through to prove you were healthy and not overweight. You lettered in three sports? What were they? I knew you were a jock (is that how you self-described? — that’s what we called athletes). Do you do any sports now? I know you like to walk and hike, right? Gardening is also good exercise. Yeah, you do carry weight well. If I gain any, it all seems to go to my face.
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8) amuirin, that’s so funny about Fiona. And you know what, you are right.
ybonesy, my time as a jock seems like a past life. I did a lot of team sports, lettered in basketball (back when the half court rule existed for women), field hockey (it was tough then, and it’s tough now), and softball. Later, I played volleyball, soccer, and softball recreationally. Soccer is a great sport for women. It’s such good exercise. I dabbled in tennis and racquetball. But I love team sports over individual sports.
These days it seems like I sit on my butt a lot in front of a computer. I need to be more active. I miss the fun of team sports. But I’d have to do a lot of work to get into shape. I don’t know. I don’t like to hike that much, not in the mountains anyway. I do like to walk. And garden. But those don’t get my heart going the way it needs to get going. I’ll keep you posted as we move into winter.
Hey, did you ever do any sports in your life? I don’t think I ever asked. I know you like to work out. I always want to ask people what motivates them to work out at a gym. How do you get yourself there? I much prefer fooling myself into thinking I’m not exercising by running down a soccer field with a bunch of other people. 8)
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RIGHT ON YBONESY! I for one am so tired of the rhetoric — -we should all want to udergo surgery, buy magical pills and potions just to look like freaky stick people. No thanks.
Great post! I blogged about it (well ok, it was a rant). http://sibyllae.squarespace.com/home/2008/9/6/and-about-media-rhetoric.html
Love, Sib (a size 12 and proud of it) 🙂
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i found this really interesting. i didn’t realize how much sizes can vary. i don’t even know my actual size and i’m kind of glad. size 6 seems really skinny to me. i think this should be called still skinny chick.
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