poka dot, painting by Em made in Paint, © 2008 by Em. All rights reserved.
There is no such thing as coincidence.
My blog partner, QuoinMonkey, took off last Wednesday to Pennsylvania, one of the places she calls home. The trip was, in large part, to conduct on-going research for her memoir.
It turns out, though, that her brother J. had just gone into Intensive Care with an as-yet undiagnosed illness. He has been on a respirator in ICU since her arrival and is expected to stay there until the middle of next week.
Yesterday we ran a post by guest Laura Fitzpatrick-Nager, with monotype prints by her husband Paul. QM got much strength from that story.
One of the things that struck me from Laura’s story, both in the words and the imagery, was the idea that out of chaos comes goodness. Starting with Hope. In fact, Paul’s first piece was titled Swimming with Chaos, and his second piece Hope.
And so the image for this post, QM, is one that my youngest daughter had created. When I saw it, as I was searching for an image to use in this post, it reminded me of Laura and Paul’s story. It also made me think of you and your family, swimming in chaos right now, but holding on to one another, with hope and love.
QM, this poem is for you and your family: diddy, MOM, R3, all the others who come in and out of red Ravine. And especially for J.
My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
Where Does the Temple Begin,
Where Does It End?
There are things you can’t reach. But
you can reach out to them, and all day long.
The wind, the bird flying away. The idea of God.
And it can keep you as busy as anything else, and happier.
The snake slides away; the fish jumps, like a little lily,
out of the water and back in; the goldfinches sing
from the unreachable top of the tree.
I look; morning to night I am never done with looking.
Looking I mean not just standing around, but standing around
as though with your arms open.
And thinking: maybe something will come, some
shining coil of wind,
or a few leaves from any old tree–
they are all in this too.
And now I will tell you the truth.
Everything in the world
comes.
At least, closer.
And, cordially.
Like the nibbling, tinsel-eyed fish; the unlooping snake.
Like goldfinches, little dolls of gold
fluttering around the corner of the sky
of God, the blue air.
-by Mary Oliver, in Why I Wake Early
I’m so sorry QM’s brother is ill. Much love to them all. She is with him and the family, right?
Your daughter Em is an amazing artist. I’m blown away! Yes, she does create symmetry and balance in the midst of chaos.
The poem too is fitting. It reminds me of dreams, how we wait for them in the morning, they fly away and then come back if we reach gently.
A reaching out post, yb.
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thank you so much, this was so kind and beautiful of you to post.
this has been a tough time for all of us and any and all support is appreciated.
j. has a lot of people pulling for him.
he heard my voice yesterday and opened his eyes; he motioned for me to come closer and i took his hand, which squeezed mine with a strength i didn’t expect.
he’s on his way back.
thank you again for this. : )
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yb, bless you! What a lovely post to come home from the hospital & read. The support & love that J, myself, & family have received has been very overwhelming. I do not for one minute believe that although QM’s visit had been in the her plans for quite some time now that this happened to J when it it did. Having her here is a blessing that was meant to be. I actually took J to the emergency room on Monday shortly after he had a Dr. appt.. The Dr. called me back to the office after taking J’s vitals & told me to take him directly to an emergency room at the hospital of my choice. He said that J was going into heart failure & that he would contact the emergency room & there would be no wait. He was right.
Today they shut the ventilator off & he is breathing fine on his own. The tubes from the poles are still there but the majority of them are no longer hooked up. If he continues breathing in his own they will soon remove it. All of his vital signs are great & he can open his eyes occasionaly & although he can not speak he responds well with shaking his head or sqeezing your hand to yes & no questions. Remarkable!
Friends & family have been showing up at our home for the past 2 days to clean up a much unattended yard that has become overwhelmed with weeds & dead trees. Their way of helping give back to J for all of the unselfish help he has given them over the years. A man who has always come to the aid of others when he was contacted by them. A man who would who would never ask for help himself. My soulmate & the love of my life.
Scaramstra is right on with her comments on this lovely & thoughtful post. It has been a tough time for all of us.
I also had time to read Laura’s post & found great strength while reading it.
J & I both are surrounded by a great network of family & friends. Prayer, hope, & good energy DO work.
Well, this comment is lengthy & I just wanted to respond to you & thank you from the bottom of my heart. It means a lot to me. And to let you & the readers of redravine know of the remarkable difference a day has made in J’s long road to recovery.
By the way, Em is quite talented! She comes from great stock! Please let her know how much I enjoy her painting!
I hope you have a wonderful week-end & as always,
Love D
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QM…I’m sending good thoughts and wishes to you and your Family in hopes of a quick recovery for your Brother. I know how hard it is to stand by and watch helplessly, putting all your faith in people you don’t know, as they care for someone you dearly love. But your Brother has his Family and Friends pulling for him…and even characters like me rooting from the sidelines. I’ll light a special candle for him tonight.
Make sure to take care of yourself while you wait…and Mama too.
yb, Em’s Polka Dot is so endearing and a lovely gesture…as is the poem. Not everyone is this world is so blessed to have such good Friends when they need them. You are that my girl!
H
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What a beautiful poem.
QM, you and yours are in my thoughts as you go through this . . .
Brian
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YB, You couldn’t have picked out a lovelier poem or painting to convey love, hope and caring! Em is a very talented young lady :^)
I am so happy to hear of today’s improvement in J’s condition, and I’m sure the healing will be complete!
D, QM, “Mom” and the rest of the family, I continue to hold you in my prayers.
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diddy, it is so hopeful to hear that J. has come off the respirator. And yes, that one day has made a world of difference. Thank you for that update.
Give big hugs to all in the family. Esp that QM girl!
p.s., it was wonderful to hear the ways that friends and family are pitching in, like helping with the yard. Wow. Isn’t that awesome?!
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ybonesy, thank you so much for this prayer post. You are an ideal blog partner and a good friend. I’m so thankful to have you in my life. Em’s artwork is perfect. Be sure to tell her how much it means that she let you include it. And the Mary Oliver poem makes me teary.
Thanks to all who have commented here and others who read red Ravine who have our family in their thoughts and prayers. It means the world to us!
As diddy wrote, J. is doing better and we are hopeful of his recovery. He improves a little bit more every day. I am thankful for my family who pull together during times like these and really show up for one another. It makes my heart full.
And thanks again to ybonesy and the red Ravine community. It’s one more place I can read and find comfort. Many communities, many tribes, love takes many different forms. More to come as we know more.
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Scaramastra, what a sign of his love that he gestured you closer and squeezed your hand. That’s just so very moving to read. Thanks for sharing.
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thank you, ybonesy, it was moving indeed. i had to look to the ceiling for a few seconds to blink back the tears in my eyes.
not only was it fairly unexpected, but it also made me realize that he was so close to the edge that a squeeze of the hand had become nothing short of a miracle, so the experience was both a gratifying and frightening one…if that makes any sense.
as was indicated, he is improving more and more everyday. if the thoughts and support we get from people like you are what heal him, he’ll be back to us in no time. i can’t thank you, and the rest of the redravine family, enough for keeping j. and the rest of us in your thoughts.
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Such relief to hear he is improving hour by hour.
QM, so good to hear from you. How goes that Southern cooking? Have you eaten scratch biscuits yet?
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Lovely poem. I’ll send good thoughts for QM’s family into the universe.
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I think it was Willa Cather who wrote:
Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.
So glad your brother is making a remarkable
change. I look forward to reading your memoir
QM.
Love the polkadots. Such joy in it…I find myself just looking.
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yb, the poka dot painting is wonderful, thanks to Em for her work – what a large effort for such a small person.
Love the Mary Oliver poem, she is a favorite.
I’m back after 10 days away, just now online again – this was a treat to see on first checking in.
Prayers and blessings to all.
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ybonesy, just back from the hospital for the day. J. is so much better! We stopped for breakfast this morning and one of the nurses (our favorite) called diddy to tell her that the breathing tube had been taken out. As you can imagine, we all high-fived across our plates!
As Scaramastra mentioned, all this week, even the squeeze of the hand from J. was a miracle. Imagine how wonderful it felt to have him acknowledge us, eyes open, a few tears flowing from his eyes and ours. Not much talking, but everything was said in our expressions and a few whispers. I broke down when J. reached, motioned, and pulled me toward him to give me a light kiss. I feel very full.
We stayed a long time and talked with family, then headed home. Though there is a long way to go, there was a turning point today. And so much hope. I’m so grateful to be able to be here with diddy, Mom, the family.
About the breakfast, Mom has been exhausted but she even (against our protests that she should be resting) took the time to make breakfast one morning for gritsinpa, E. Elise, and me. We had eggs, bacon and grits. And it was so good.
J.’s Dad who is up from South Carolina even teased the nurse about a good Southern breakfast. She was on board until he said Grits — then she was like, hmmm, no, no grits thank you! He quickly said how much she was missing out on. It’s not a truly Southern breakfast until you have grits.
Heading to rest a bit. Love to all the family that are reading and especially to diddy. 8)
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One other thought — I also wanted to add how much I appreciate all the support from our blogging friends who left comments here for me and my family. Many of you, Christine, Heather, Brian, Stevo, lil, were complete strangers to me until we met through red Ravine. I really appreciate all of your support and you taking the time to send good energy and warm thoughts. Thank you.
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I want to thank everyone who has commented on this post.
We got great news this morning from the Hospital while QM, Mom, & I were eating breakfast prior to arriving at the hospital. His nurse Kathy called my cell phone while we waited for our food to arrive. My heart dropped to the floor when I heard who it was. BUT, she was calling with good news! J is off the ventilator & they had removed the tube from his throat!!!! He was doing extremely well & she wanted us to know prior to our visit! He is lucid & his sense of humor proved that he was back to us!
It is difficult for me to type this through my tears of joy. This whole ordeal has been an emotional roller coaster ride for all of us. He still has a long recovery ahead.
Again, thanks to everyone for all the positive energy sent our way. I will let QM inform you of more details. Always, D
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QM, I guess we were typing at the same time & I got a call from our youngest son before I could finish my comment. I feel especially grateful to have had you here through all of the rough times. Yes, he has a long way to go, but our love is so strong & I can assure you that I will take good care of J. : )
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QM, my thoughts are with you and your family.
ybonesy, Em’s art work is perfect for the post.
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diddy, I have no doubt. I totally believe….. 8)
Thank you, Bob.
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Laura, I just read your comment again…I like the Willa Cather quote, one of my favorite writers. Miracles do happen. I have no doubt whatsoever. The memoir…I sometimes wonder if I will ever get to the meat of it. But I try not to rush because I know I am living it as I write. And the truth and structure will be revealed to me if I keep showing up. Thank you for your warm thoughts.
oliverowl, I have been feeling your prayers during this difficult time. I am so grateful to have you in my life. And it makes it even sweeter that you are my dear Liz’s mother. 8)
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Scaramastra, it’s been good to see you and E. over the last week, even under difficult circumstances. I wish we had more time to spend together. But I know I will see you on red Ravine over my travels. Thank you for your wonderful presence here.
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diddy & Qm,
It is hard to read through tears, but I thank God that they are tears of joy & gratitude for His tender, loving care!! As YB mentioned, there are no such things as “circumstance.”
I, too, feel that each of us, when in accord with Spirit, are right where we shoud be. D. & J. were in the right place when the crisis first became apparent, giving them the precious moments which count so vitally in that kind of emergency! I am so inspired and in admiration of your family’s faith, courage and trust!
God bless you all!
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Wow, how very moving to read about these latest developments. Wow and whew!
The medical folks sound humorous and compassionate.
I knew MOM would be cooking a Southern style meal in spite of her exhaustion. She can probably cook those kind of meals in her sleep.
Hey, QM, if biscuits are served, do grits get served, too? That seems like a lot of carbs. I’m just thinking of a way the nurse can get around the grits resistance. (smile)
lil, hey, welcome back! Hope you had a great trip. Looking forward to seeing you and Dr. L. soon. I’ll be out of town much of the week, but if I make it back by Thu afternoon, I’ll pop in then. If not, I’ll be in a week from tomorrow.
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lovely art
lovely thoughts
lovely poem
blessed w/o a doubt
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Update! J is sitting up in a chair in his room! This is so unbelievable considering that 2 days days ago he still had the respirator!!!! A true miracle of hope, strength, & belief! Yes, we are truly blessed indeed! D
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I’m just reading from a few days away from the computer. I send my thoughts for continued recovery – sounds like you were all in good hands. So happy that everything has turned course.
And as for grits, I get a LOT of grief, but I eat them all the time. I love grits, swimming in butter, real butter of course. One of my comfort foods. I think I may be the only person in Wisconsin who indulges in such ecstatic eating. Hey – why ARE grits so good, anyway?
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QM,
I’m glad to hear about your brother. Every step, every improvement when someone is seriously ill is such a celebration!
I suspect this means you will continue with your plans to head South mid-week. I hope you’ll be able to readjust your self-expectations for your Georgia research; I’m guessing you’re going to be starting out from a tired spot.
Gentle, gentle, gentle. You’ll get everything in The Peach State that you need.
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QM, absolutely, anytime. i’m guessing this means you’ll be leaving us as planned after all, and good luck in your travels. you’ll hear from me. : )
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Thanks for all the wonderful comments and support everyone. J. was so much better today, it was unbelievable. He has a great sense of humor in spite of everything that has happened and made us laugh a lot when we saw him today. Great nurses, too. He is getting amazing care.
After much soul searching, Mom and I decided to head out for Georgia tomorrow. We had postponed the trip several days to see if J. was going to get better and were prepared to cancel. But after talking to family members and to J. today, it seemed like we could go head. But we may not stay as long as planned. We are going to play it by ear.
We have a long drive tomorrow and are starting from a bit of a tired spot, as Teri mentioned. But we are both still looking forward to the trip and will be picking Liz up from the airport on Wednesday.
I hope to check in when I can. Mom and I packed up all the family tree info tonight and I printed the whole thing out and taped it together. It’s over 40 pages. This leg of the trip will focus on the Savannah area. But we will have J. and diddy and the rest of the family in our thoughts and prayers and check in every day.
Thanks again everyone for all the support for me and my family. You don’t know how much we appreciate it. The next time I check in after tonight will be from somewhere in the South.
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Bo, I forgot to mention, we’ll be sure to eat lots of grits for you! Swimming in butter for sure, and with Mom and me, shredded cheese. I can’t wait for all the good food down there. It’s a real treat. Do they really have grits in Wisconsin? That makes me smile 8)
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[…] to posts: haiku (one-a-day) and Out Of Chaos Comes Hope Possibly related posts: (automatically […]
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QM – Remember to stop in Juliette, GA at the Whistle Stop Cafe!
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lil, I don’t know if we are going to make it to the Whistle Stop this trip. I think Liz and I checked a map and it might not be in the cards this time. I realized after we arrived tonight that we are packing a LOT into the next few days with the Savannah leg of the trip. Then another few places on the outskirts of Augusta that we want to check out ancestry things. Then we’d like to visit a bit, too. But I haven’t forgotten about it. Thanks for the reminder!
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Bo, just wanted to mention in response again to your comment #27…we didn’t have grits today. But Mom and I hit South Carolina, we did order collard greens with a bit of vinegar, pinto beans with chow chow, and golden hushpuppies. Do they count? 8)
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Whoa, QM! You just got WAY too southern for me. I like grits mighty fine, though I have to cook them myself, can’t order them in restaurants in Wisconsin! My other favorite breakfast food is fried mush or “scrapple” – ya know what that is? 🙂
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Bo, you are right — no grits in the restaurants there. And no sweet tea. I had both this morning in Georgia. And we also went over to S.C. to get some boiled peanuts and fresh peaches at a little roadside stand. I was in heaven!
Oh, the scrapple — is that the fried brains stuff? I can’t remember. Or is it liver? I didn’t have it until I moved to Pennsylvania. Can’t remember it in the South at all. What is it again (for the record)? 8)
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Oh, I wanted to mention on this post, my brother J. actually called me today in Georgia to wish me well and talked to me briefly on his cell phone. I was so surprised to hear from him. His voice is still a little raspy from the tube he had in but I was amazed at how clear he sounded. What a difference from a week ago. Out of the ICU, eating and tasting food, many of the tubes gone, taste and color back…I am so grateful.
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[…] to posts: haiku (one-a-day), Memories Of The Savannah, and Out Of Chaos Comes Hope Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)A Question about NumbersSo, You Think You’re […]
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QM – the scrapple from my childhood, made by my German great grandmother for years of breakfasts, was corn meal and fried pork sausage molded into a loaf, sliced, and then fried some more in butter. What would the nutritionists of today say? I think I probably ate it with a side of bacon, too. (Groan!)
And while I am usually content with a breakfast of fruit and yogurt now, there are those days when I go for a bit of the old “comfort” foods.
Glad you are enjoying all those treats on your trip. Boiled peanuts – yum!
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Bo, that scrapple actually sounds good the way you describe it — corn meal and fried pork sausage molded into a loaf with lots of butter — hmmmm. Yeah, I have tried not to think of the nutritionists on this trip, can’t imagine what they might say. This morning they did serve bacon and pork sausage links in the same breakfast dish. The old comfort foods are surely a treat. Maybe I’ll have boiled peanuts for breakfast tomorrow. 8)
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Bo, I was waiting to read what QM had to say about scrapple. I’m so glad you brought it up! I thought it was only common in PA.. I like it just the way you you do, though I know some people who smother it with maple syrup. That method would turn me off! D
QM, today I meet with J’s Dr. to discuss some options on rehab, etc.. I will keep you posted on that! I’m so glad you got to speak to him as difficult as it is for him to talk. I hope you, Mom, & Liz are having a great time! Love, D
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diddy, I was delighted to talk to J. on my birthday. It meant a lot to me that he called. So sweet. Mom was talking to you in the car tonight as we were out taking some photos and she said he might be coming home soon. I’m just stunned by how quickly things have turned. And so grateful. A blessing. You must feel so relieved.
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Great to hear about J.’s continued improvements and that the trip South was still able to happen.
Scrapple sounds kind of yummy. The one time I had grits, I found them to be a bit bland. Sorry. Maybe I didn’t have enough butter. What are grits anyway? I definitely need to eat Amelia’s grits. I think I might have had boxed. Ugh, no wonder.
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QM, tell Mom not to cut short the vacation for now. J is hopeful, but today got 2 pints of blood. He thinks he is coming home tomorrw, but I spoke with is Dr.s & I seriously doubt it will happen tomorrow. Meanwhile, I am doing some moving around in the guest room that overlooks the driveway. He is doing much better, but the blood was necessary as some of his counts were slightly off. R3, the boys, Gritsinpa, T & DD, Scaramastra, & friends will help me get ready for his arrival & also with the initial needs. I have plenty of help right now. Don’t get me wrong, his progress HAS been going remarkable & he is in no danger. We opted to bring him home & have the Therapists visit here. It was a choice the DR.’s gave us & they agreed that it was probably better if he is in his home in his long road to recovery. This way he will be close to the bathroom & will most likely be confined to the guest room for quite awhile. Brant’s room is too small & I don’t want him traveling past the open stairwell. Everything is good here & under control. I am sure R3 can assure you all of that! Just enjoy your visit please. J would feel guilty if you cut the visit short. ALL IS WELL!!! And he will be coming home soon. Love you all, so please enjoy your visit. I am sure Mom Don’t worry, good old Nurse Hatchet (me) has it all under control! D
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Oops, my bad. I misread your comment to mean that Mom was cutting short her vacation. Can you tell I’m tired?
We are going to have to hook yb up with some grits!!!! But, in addition to butter, salt , pepper, cheese, & some crisp bacon bits are the way J & I eat them! YUM! But it goes straight for the arteries! D
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diddy, talked to sister on the road today and got an update. Sounds like a busy Saturday at your house. Amazing progress with the walking; such relief. Big hugs to all and we think of you both and mention you in our conversations every day. We send lots of love. Big hug to J.! Tons of health and healing.
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QM, Yes! Very busy indeed! R3 just left about a half an hour ago. He, along with everyone else have been a blessing to me. Tomorrow, more of the same, along with some much needed pressure washing & deck cleaning.
I made a crock pot of boneless country style ribs with bbq sauce that were so tender they were falling apart, white rice & extra sauce for over it & some sweet corn. R3 brought mac-n-cheese & yummy banana budding for supper & I grilled italian sausage. I will weigh 15 lbs more when you see me again!
J has a funny story to tell you about an incident that happened right before midnight last night. The entire ordeal lasted about an hour & 1/2 & I finally had to call A. to come & assist. It really wasn’t funny at the time, & J has assured me that he won’t try it again! (Gosh, I’m such a tease!)The only good thing was I was able to wish him a Happy Anniversary after minight!
Have fun & see you agian soon! Love to all! D
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You know of course that is pudding, not budding.
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diddy, happy anniversary! So it was July 25? How many years? Sounds like you all are getting a lot done. Will look forward to more stories. Ribs…hmmmm. We also had ribs tonight — Southern slow-cooked at a place in Savannah called Moon River. I love ribs and barbecue. More later. Liz and Mom are sound asleep. Got to get some rest. Sweet dreams.
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Sorry to hear this. hope he’s doing better.
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QM, I know you all are very tired from your “on the go vacation”! No, our Anniversary was the 26th, so after midnight the 25th was what I meant. We have been married 11 years now, though as you well know, we were together for many prior to our wedding. (Your brother kept turning me down on my marriage proposals!) By the way, last year we forgot about our 10th until the end of August. We always forgot the date, so we just went by the last Saturday in July!
Yes very busy here again today. Family & Friends working all day long again. But, of course I fed them with Italian sausages, Hamburgers, & Rubbed, boneless, skinless, chicken breasts. All done on the grill. R3’s mac-n-cheese again, & to keep them moving, I made them some baked beans!
I’m looking forward to vacation stories, just sorry that Liz won’t be here.:(
Love to all, Pleasant Dreams, D
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Jo, yes, he is doing better. Thank you for the well wishes.
diddy, 11 years (plus). A long time. It is easy to forget anniversaries sometimes. I think Liz and I might have remembered ours two weeks before this year — then forgotten on the actual day. Aw, I missed your baked beans and mac and cheese. 😦 Hope to have some good vacation stories. And yeah, we sure have been on the move. Heading off for a bit now. Here’s to the beginning of 12+ years for you two. And many many more to come. 8)
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[…] My brother went into the ICU the day before I left for Pennsylvania. And Mom and I weren’t even sure we should make the trip to Georgia at all. Mom spent a whole week, sometimes 8 hours a day, with my sister-in-law in waiting rooms, visiting at J’s side. His dad drove up from South Carolina and sat with us, too. I watched my parents (only recently connected again after over 40 years) standing side by side together over J’s bed. They never wavered. There were tears. And laughter. Things turned. […]
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Ok, I would tiltle this post “Out of Chaos Comes Hope & Childish Laughter”.
Just a quick update on J. He is still improving every day & eating way too many popsicles (the kind with the corny jokes on the sticks)! Last night:
J. “What do you call a lazy Bison?”
Me “I give up.”
J. “A Buffa-loafer!”
We laughed like fools! I can’t wait to hear tonights riddle. D
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diddy, sounds like things are getting better and better! Although J. never lost his sense of humor through that whole ordeal. I remember him cracking jokes in the ICU when he finally got that tube out of his throat.
Hey, keep a lookout for ybonesy’s post on Jim’s Homemade Popsicles. I think it will be coming right up this week. Maybe she can ship you a batch on dry ice! 8)
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[…] Daddy left to drive to Tennessee for the funeral of his brother, and then on to Pennsylvania to help take care of my brother, Mom and I stayed on a while longer. We took one more late afternoon trip to the roadside stand the […]
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