Swimming with Chaos, monotype 1/1 etching ink on Arches archival paper,
print © 1990-2008 by Paul Fitzpatrick-Nager. All rights reserved.
I received a handwritten rejection letter in the mail. It was signed in a feminine, soft green script. “No,” the agent said. “No market right now for your book. There’s a cancer glut, too many books about being afraid of death, looking for hope. Like short stories, memoir doesn’t fly anymore. I love your writing though. Have you tried a novel? Good luck. J.”
Never mind that my memoir was about much more than where to find a doctor who will listen or a good hair salon while chemotherapy strips you bald. My rejected book proposal contained a real life love story about jumping into the deep end of the pool on my wedding day and treading water through cancer and healing, my own as well as my husband’s. I wrote about standing in quicksand after a recurrence of breast cancer and about all the waves of support we’d continued to receive. About the potting bench my husband built for me last spring so I could stand under pine trees in our yard and pot daisies without getting a sunburn. About our sex life.
And, in more recent chapters, I talked about what it’s like living in the land of remission for a couple of veteran survivors. I also shared this secret – that writing saved a life. Mine.
I threw away the letter and dabbed my eyes with a pile of tissues. I climbed the stairs to my writing desk. My laptop glowed in the morning light. My heart was on the sleeve of every page of my writing. I wasn’t up for more rejection. Surfing cyberspace I came upon a self-publishing house that built books for first-time authors like me. I started humming My Way by Frank Sinatra and crunched the numbers.
The world of self-publishing was unknown to me. I knew it was print-on-demand and that I wouldn’t get the wider distribution channels available to mainstream authors. I knew I’d have to sell my book myself.
That didn’t deter me. I’d survived cancer three times and had landed fully in my own Middle Ages. Surely I could publish a book my way versus letting it perish unread by my as yet unknown fans (the one or two that must be waiting out there…). Why bother with one agent’s opinion? How many zillion books on love are there? Cancer Schmancer. Oops, that title was taken.
Writing for me is like a ladder. Not the quaint, wooden paint speckled kind but the big monster Home Depot model that my husband used to shingle the peak of our cottage. It reaches corners not for the faint of heart. Real writing climbs.
Each day, I clambered up with my pen in hand to gain perspective on living. I climbed past the pile of junk mail on my kitchen counter and the cluttered spice rack, past the pantry stuffed to the gills with bags of cat food and kitty litter and empty cardboard boxes waiting for recycling. I stepped even higher to find out how little control I had over most things in my life. Like the spider webs hanging from the lacy kitchen curtain, or when yet another friend I cherished would meet her death from cancer. I wondered how I’d ever begin to say my goodbyes. Writing helped me face it all one rung at a time.
Self-publishing offered me control of my story. I had a voice in every step of the process — from what publishing house to choose, to the cover design, to the size and color of the pages. I only had to pay for it. There’s sadly no advance with this circuitous route to the bookstore. It helped, however, that my mother gave me the premier-plus literary package as a Christmas present.
Once I signed on, the clock was ticking. It took me five years to write the bulk of the book. Another six months of editing and revising drafts led me to my self-imposed deadline.
I pressed the SEND button on my birthday last year at 5 pm Eastern Standard Time. I had made a deal with myself. If I met my goal, I could have the biggest piece of Oreo cookie ice cream birthday cake I could find. Bribery worked. My polished manuscript flew across the country that evening on internet travel to an unknown but friendly person typing “Thank-you” to me from somewhere in Nebraska ten minutes after I started in on the cake.
Bundled into the top-notch publishing package was an editorial evaluation and a book manager named Michael who saw to it that every step on my checklist took place in a timely fashion. We e-mailed each other daily. Michael helped me through the maze of book editing (more money) to the art department to approval of the final copy. All in all, my book took six months to build from the day I sent off my manuscript.
The day I received my ISBN number in the mail I cried — and ate more cake. Wow, it even looked like a book. I sniffled louder. I flashed on my book being placed in the trim stacks at the Library of Congress. Or Barnes and Noble. Or Oprah’s bookshelf. My mind raced with the possibilities of print-on-demand.
My friend Alicia e-mailed me just before New Year’s. “Your book is on Amazon. I just ordered it!” I cried again and opened my computer. There it was, Swimming on My Wedding Day: My Cancer Journey through the Seasons. I surfed the net and found my new book on other less familiar sellers, too. It was listed among some of the strangest of book fellows, like Biotechbooks.com, Entrepreneurs.com, and Diesel books. I’ve never been an entrepreneur but maybe this was my chance. I was even listed on Weddings.com, sharing an on-line bookshelf with Princess Grace’s wedding day coffee table book.
My hallway is now packed with 500 books fresh from the publisher (more money). I never leave home without my purse and at least two cartons of books packed in the trunk of my Mazda. My calendar, too, is filled with book signings and book talks through the end of the year. If I sell 5,000 books in my first year, I was told by another agent, she’d be interested. What a ride.
Amazon woman hear me roar.
Self-publishing websites are everywhere! My choice as a first-time author was iuniverse.com because of their range of services, worldwide distribution, quality of design and alliance with Barnes and Noble booksellers.
- Publishing packages range from $500 – $1500 (and up) depending on services desired. Additional costs for advanced editorial services like line and copy editing.
- Minimum number of books required – may be an issue based on publishing house.
- Approximate cost per book is based on number of pages and industry standards. My book in paperback was priced at $12.95.
Self-publishing packages may include:
- A legal contract (read it carefully!) with the publisher, which often includes a royalty agreement and initial number of books to be printed
- One-on-one support, from design to production
- Editorial evaluation and guidance
- Editing services (line-editing, copy editing, proofreading, etc.)
- Custom cover design
- ISBN assignment
- Formats, such as hardback, paperback, and ebooks
- Free paperbacks based on volume for author
- Worldwide distribution on-line with book retailers worldwide (e.g.: Amazon, Barnes and Noble)
- Marketing support, from tips to website design and promotional materials
The self-published author provides:
- A manuscript, usually submitted on-line (along with the guts to press the SEND button!)
- Artwork, photographs (often an additional cost based on number of graphics and whether color or B&W)
- Format (industry standards apply to size desired)
- Copyright permissions to use quotes, etc.
- Marketing and channel distribution support, which is about getting your book into readers’ hands (and you thought writing was hard — I hired a publicist to assist with this part of the book process)
Hope, monotype 1/1 etching ink on Arches archival paper, print ©
1988-2008 by Paul Fitzpatrick-Nager. All rights reserved.
Laura Fitzpatrick-Nager writes, teaches, and celebrates remission on the shoreline of Connecticut. Her newly released book Swimming on My Wedding Day: My Cancer Journey through the Seasons was self-published in January of 2008. Her husband Paul, also a cancer survivor, wrote the Foreword and included four of his prints in the book. (Two of those are featured in this post.)
Here’s what Laura says about writing her book: I began writing my memoir as fast as I could after receiving a third diagnosis of breast cancer in 2001. My husband’s treatment had recently finished and I was starting up again. It was a terrifying time. Having a writing project helped me to cope and heal from the fear of living with so much uncertainty.
I’d been a journal writer since high school and always taken notes on my life. Writing led me to find my own voice through the wilderness of cancer…and find hope along the way.
Self-publishing was another way for me to get my story out there on my own terms. I didn’t want to be side-tracked by searching for an agent. Now that my book is written, I feel such a sense of completion. And there’s so much more to write about.
Throughout our last eight years together, Laura has had cancer, I have had cancer, and Laura has had cancer again. We have been harbor to an emotional storm that rages and ebbs…and each time, we have found something to keep us in the world…something to work at. It was good to have a goal, but it would be the process that would take us away from cancer.
I painted, and with help from family and friends, built our house. Laura went from keeping a journal…to becoming a writer… We were going to build our future no matter what the obstacles were. Cancer would not keep us from living. Cancer would not keep us from being happy. Cancer was going to teach us about life… and about love.
I am so honored to be a part of this story. I’ve watched it progress from inception to completion… in all its phases. I’ve watched Laura grow in her craft, develop confidence in her abilities, and move beyond the trauma.
-Paul Fitzpatrick-Nager (excerpt from the Foreword to Swimming on my Wedding Day)
To read more about Laura’s story, go to the Swimming on my Wedding Day website. (And, from red Ravine editors: We hope you’ll buy the book. These two are special people, their story inspiring.)
Thanks to new technologies, writers have much more control over their work and their careers. POD will take the monopoly out of the hands of the publishing industry (moron editors, half-bright agents) and allow authors to go directly to readers.
I wish you all the best of luck with your work and endeavors.
Write on…
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Thanks for your comments Cliff!
Best,
Laura
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Not being familiar with the terminology, I had to think about what POD means. Ah, print on demand. Yes, I agree. POD democratizes publishing. (As does blogging, btw.) I’m actually pretty blown away by the whole notion of POD. It is so exciting.
Laura, was the title Cancer Schmancer really taken? One of the things that came out in this piece was your sense of humor. I imagine that helped keep you sane, perhaps as much as the writing did.
I was also curious about the part in your piece where you mention that 5,000 book sales is a magic number. I thought that seemed high. I mean, given that you’re selling the book yourself, even 1,000 would seem hugely promising.
Last thing for right now, I am so impressed by the fact that you’ve established such a great website and are doing all these book tours. How have the readings and signings been? It seems like one would have to muster up quite a bit of extrovert energy to go to a reading or signing, but then to actually have to schedule them on top of it all — I imagine that takes *lots* of energy.
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Comedian, actor, and fellow survivor, Fran Drescher, wrote a great book called Cancer Schmancer. Without humor it’s hard to get through the day, ya know?
So far I’ve sold about 1500 books (and counting!). The agent who quoted the 5,000 number may have been high. I don’t know. It’s really a one foot in front of the other thing when you’re doing it on your own. But, I have to say, the response has been so affirming. And with a book like this, people begin to share their stories which only adds to my experience and inspiration as a writer, reader and listener. I’ve been invited to not only libraries and colleges, but book clubs, church and hospital groups, a synagogue and even the LPGA (I don’t golf except in miniature so this was a treat). My world has grown so much larger.
I was naive though. Doing it yourself, like writing on a blank page is hard!
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I loved your book and found the article interesting and so hopeful and promising for us writers. The art by Paul was great, too. As someone who’s attended several of your book readings and signings all I can say to those in the Connecticut area is – you’ve got to experience this woman live.
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1500 books, Laura? Wow! I would feel affirmed, too!
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I had the pleasure of reading Laura’s book on a writing retreat next to Lake Michigan. Being next to one of the great lakes feels like being next to an ocean, so I could pretend I was sitting next to the Atlantic in Connecticut, just like Laura when she wrote it.
It ‘s been two months since I read Swimming, and the thing that sticks with me most is the honesty of the book. It is the sort of honesty that goes *so directly* to the truth of what is happening that there is some measure of relief from the terror. I was taken with Laura on every step, even finding out the indelicate details. It made me trust Laura. And I felt respected as a reader.
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Thank goodness that Laura had the courage to self-publish. I read the book in one sitting because the honest of it pulled me through the story. When I was done, I felt a little sad that it was over, but glad to know that Laura and Paul were okay at the end of the book (and in real life too).
Here’s to 5000 copies sold by the end of 2008. Only 3500 to go.
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Laura, I like the way you began this post. I am wondering how many writers end their story with throwing away their rejection letter. But, not you, which is a perfect testimony to your survival over cancer AND as a writer. You had the confidence to KNOW that there is another way to move forward. You did not give up.
What a gift you’ve offered to the rest of us, as writers and as humans with sometimes fragile health… mental or physical. You have chronicled the possibility of survival with both your book and this post. Thanks for offering your life’s story as inspiration to others.
I look forward to reading your book soon.
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Thank you. Its hard NOT to be honest when you’re afraid. Or desperate. Or hopeful. Or in love. Am I sounding too dramatic? We can’t lie or fabricate when we’re on the edge. There’s a measure of trust, too, that it will be received. Thank you. Where would my world be without writing buddies?
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Ah yes, Fran Drescher. I remember now.
Laura, I meant to come back to the 1500 number. That is amazing. Is there any one channel of distribution that seems to have worked best? (I think I already know the answer — it’s a book-by-book process…)
I was talking to my walking partner this morning about your piece. She groaned when I told her about the agent’s feedback regarding the glut of cancer survivor books. My walking partner’s sister is a breast cancer survivor.
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SO glad to know of another strong survivor out there! I’ve met so many. Marketing is a book by book process but I’ve found I just follow one lead after another. Some of my family sent out e-mail blasts to their circles and so I received some keynotes and book sales from that. Most of us walk in many arenas that are opportunities for sharing your book.
We all know folks who’ve been touched by cancer or major illness. Little by little it builds. I made a goal for myself to do just one task a day (like my ten minute a day writes). Way seems to open at times even without too much effort on my part (I love when that happens…).
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Laura –
I am SO proud of you…I will order the book tonight! Andy sent me this link today and I am humbled by the journey you have been on since last we met. Thank you for sharing your story. I am thankful I know you.
PS I am a librarian now so I will pass the word in my circles – we’ll get to 5,000 no problem.
Love to you-
Colleen
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Colleen! What a wonderful surprise from an old (not so old!) high school friend! I’ve been thinking of you. Send me an e-mail so we can chat.
xo
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1500 copies! That’s so impressive. Keep climbing!!
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Laura, thank you for being our Guest on red Ravine. This piece is full of joy and miracles (and hard work). I am finding this piece and ybonesy’s piece on the Saints especially comforting this week as my brother has been in the ICU and we’ve been spending a lot of time at the hospital.
Family and close friends become very important — when it gets down to it, these relationships and the love between are the things that matter most in this world. Your story is tender, supportive, and hopeful. And I marvel at the self-publishing; another great tool for all the writers out there. This is a piece I’ll come back to and reread again.
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Laura, I forgot to mention, I really love these monotypes using etching ink. I am familiar with the intaglio process and have done a little printmaking (a labor intensive process). But if memory serves, monotypes are a one of a kind thing, more spontaneous in nature, kind of like combining painting and printmaking? They go so nicely with the piece. Wonderful art.
There were a few little sketches in the last book, a memoir I read by Louise Erdrich. And I’ve always wanted to have personal art or photographs as part of my writing and books as well. I love words as they play against images, a nice balance.
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all I can say is…”YOU GO BABY” !
Never… ever… take no for an answer!
I wear a “celebrate courage” pink bracelet every day of my life. I wear it for Women with courage and strength and tenacity who never give up…women like you!
😉 H
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Yes! I can see your bracelet on your wrist…looks like mine I’ll bet.
Thank you.
I’ll let Paul respond to the printmaking. He has taught me so much about process and spontaneity. Don’t worry so much, he’ll say. Just do be, do be, do…He ‘s working on a book of his own that combines his (his)tory with his images. Paul’s an animator at heart and you can see that movement in each print he does. I’ll look for that memoir. Thanks for the suggestion.
My heart goes out to you and your family during these sad days.
Love…
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First off…thank you for such an inspiring website.
it feels mmmm…salon d’art….such a comfortable interchange
for the creative endeavor.
and thank you for the kind words…printed above and my exchange of emails with yb…
I greatly enjoy the monotype process, and it’s exactly as you described, painting and printmaking.
For me…the most enjoyable part, is the painting.
I love the moment to moment choices that must be made…how one brush stroke can lead you off in a completely new direction.
the beauty of it lies in the short amount of time you have to create something…the ink can be retarded, (drying process slowed) but, where’s the fun in that?
you have an hour…approx. to make something happen.
no laboring and thinking and revising…
1 hr., win or lose. It’s a great game to play.
thanks again…
paul
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Wow!!! Congrats!!!! on all levels. My Dad has passed the five year mark and is still counting. I just went to a benefit for a 4th grade girl in my district. Its everywhere. I look forward to reading your book and proudly passing on your words.
My best wishes to you and Paul.
Love, Kathy
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Thank you! So glad to hear about your dad’s good news.
Let’s meet soon on the Green.
xo
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[…] since her arrival and is expected to stay there until the middle of next week. Yesterday we ran a post by guest Laura Fitzpatrick-Nager, with monotype prints by her husband Paul. QM got much strength from that […]
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I remember when one of my brothers was seriously ill. He turned to me and said, “Do you think there’s any hope for me?” I said “Yes, but I will carry your hope for awhile as long as you need…”
That’s what we can do for each other. Sometimes we offer that with just our presence, or our stories or an image or two. Oftentimes, we don’t even know how its possible to find a spark in the chaos. But it’s there.
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i love this last comment, laura. what an inspiration.
in times when it’s so easy to fall into negativity, even a little hope and positivity go a long way. facing reality is always crucial, but it never hurts to look for the good that can still come out of a bad situation. nothing is ever hopeless.
QM, myself, and others found a lot of strength in your post, and it couldn’t have come at a better time (QM’s brother j. is my family, too).
‘finding the spark’ is something we all need to do at this time, not only for ourselves, but to share with others who need that hope and support so much.
thank you for sharing, i enjoyed reading it through my tears of sadness and joy. : )
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Laura, I also found much strength while reading your post. I am QM’s sister in law, married to her brother J (He is the love of my life)
Your story is quite remarkable & I also want to give you many thanks for sharing it. D
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Paul, really great to hear a bit about your process. I can see where the 1-hour limit would feel freeing, liberating. You can’t labor for hours, days, weeks about a particular piece. Like a timed writing practice in some ways.
Laura, it’s been great having you as a red Ravine guest. (And, Paul, you too, as this has truly been a collaborative process.) I did want to ask you, What’s next? I know you are steeped in marketing and selling your book, and there is that magical 5K number, which you’re well on your way to achieving. But is there another book in there that’s waiting to come out? I’d really love to know what you’re thinking about.
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I just keep writing. The story continues. I’m working on some articles to send out and my mom and I are talking about a book together. A kind of guidebook for mothers and daughters while sharing our personal stories and history.
We’ve given some workshops together that this book is growing out of. My mom was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease last year. The initial diagnosis (like with cancer) is devastating. Then, you find there are so many resources available to deal with it- and live with it.
In our conversations, we are facing the fears we harbor, the living with uncertainty, outloud. She’s a minister and a poet. For both of us, healing happens on a deeply spritual level and is ongoing…
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Your mother is a minister!? Isn’t that cool? I bet that explains your connection to some of the clergy in Ghost Ranch (per our emails), yes?
I can only imagine how terrifying that initial Parkinson’s diagnosis was. But that you two have channeled your energy into positive — well, I know I shouldn’t be surprised, but still. It does make me wonder what ingredient it is that you possess — you, Paul, your mother — that turns obstacle into creation.
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We all possess it. It’s equal doses love and trauma along with the desire to live. Just look at those folks held prisoner in the jungles of Columbia
for six years. How does anyone come out of that alive let alone shining with resiliency and humor?
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Laura:
When I think of you, words like
“alive”, “survivor”, “brave”, “beautiful”, “loved”
leap in front of my mind’s eye.
Your story inspires me to make the most of each day in this journey called “life” and to come out smiling.
Have a sparkling day.
With love, from your old friend Jeanne
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NOT so old, Jeanne!
Thanks for your kind words…
Love to you,
L
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Greetings, Laura!
1500 sold already; that is fantastic! It is good to know that I have so many fellow readers of the book. Like another poster, I sat down with it and couldn’t get up until I had reached the last page.
Your replies to posts here, too, show many articles (that could grow up to be books) in the making. Should we send you more cake? 🙂
Paul’s pieces look really nice on the site. You must pass along my regards.
Be well!
Carolyn
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Laura – How wonderful to see your post here! As you know well, I loved your book – the integrity, the humor, the openness, the strength and the honest grief and even despair, the love between you and Paul. Your book made me want your family to adopt me!
I spent two days a couple weeks ago at a workshop at The Loft in Minneapolis. The topic was how to find an agent and/or publisher. I learned -from this very generous and knowledgable man named Scott that “there is always a market for a good memoir!” He also said that many agents will tell you otherwise. Because memoirs aren’t their thing, or not what’s hot that week or because they’re too busy and overworked and maybe didn’t even read your whole book!
He was very pro-self-publishing and told us stories about people like you who prove to the world that their book is a seller, by selling it themselves, and then offering the proven-successful book to an agent or publisher. He told us that getting published, as a first-time writer is very hard and self-publishing is often the best route. He also said you should send out your book proposal to at least 120 places before you consider giving up.
All this to say: you are a great example of everything Scott told us. I will be surprised if some big publishing house doesn’t pay attention next time you knock.
Love to you and Paul
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Jude,
Thank you for your words of wisdom and for passing on that info from the writer’s conference. I have some time this August and will pursue a wider audience more actively. You’ve given me the hopeful push I needed.
How is your book coming? I know you are close to sending it out…
To 120 places!
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Laura,
Just a note to say I received your book in my little pile of mail that Liz had stacked up for me after my trip to Pennsylvania and the South. It’s a joy to have it (thank you for signing it, too). And after posting your piece on red Ravine, I know all about your process which makes the effort even richer.
Liz and I were thumbing through it a few nights ago and it is on my list of books to read. I like that the chapters seem short and manageable (maybe because I tend to be so long-winded). 8) I also like seeing Paul’s work interspersed throughout. It was a bright spot to receive your book in the tiredness I seem to feel after coming home from my trip. I am starting to regroup and get back into my routines. It’s good to be connected to all things bigger than me. Thanks again.
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Thank you qm. I realized after I sent it that you may have requested two?
Hope you find rest in your reading pile.
I just started Amy Bloom’s new novel, Away. She’s a CT author whom I’ve never read before. Its raining buckets today- a good thing since I’m drawn right in to her story.
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Laura, one’s great. Rest in the reading pile — I have several books going, one kind of thick. Summer is a great time to read. And rain, all the better. 8)
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[…] The Art of My Self-Publishing by Laura Fitzpatrick-Nager […]
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