Birth order. Does it matter?
That was the headline, more or less, of a CNN article that came out last fall, which said that birth order may, in fact, matter a lot. That same month TIME ran its own take on recent hard evidence demonstrating “The Power of Birth Order.”
For example, firstborns are more likely to go to college than children in any other position in the family. Firstborn IQs tend to be higher — albeit by just a point or two — than those of younger siblings; second-born a point higher than third-born. These were the conclusions of a study conducted in Norway and the cause for last year’s flurry of articles about the topic.
Psychologist Frank Sulloway, a visiting scholar at the University of California, Berkeley and the U.S.’s leading authority on birth order, says that “in many families the firstborn is going to get into Harvard and the second-born isn’t.”
There are physical differences, too. According to the TIME article (which is worth the full read) earlier-born siblings weigh more and are taller than their later-born siblings. Older siblings are more likely to be vaccinated than younger ones. Firstborns are disproportionately represented in high-paying professions, while younger siblings are less educated but “statistically likelier to live the exhilarating life of an artist or a comedian, an adventurer, entrepreneur, GI or firefighter.” And researchers don’t know a whole lot about middle children, as they seem to have succumbed to the same not-very-visible spot that they tend to occupy in their families.
According to the book The Birth Order Connection: Finding and Keeping the Love of your Life, the order in which you are born determines a host of traits, positive and negative. These characteristics, which other birth-order resources and books also tout, are listed below.
Only Borns
- Mega-movers of the world
- Task oriented, well organized, dependable
- Like facts, ideas, and details
- Feel extremely comfortable with responsibility
- Often unforgiving
- Very demanding
- Hate to admit when they’re wrong
- Usually don’t accept criticism well
- To others, they seem very sensitive, feelings easily hurt
- Natural leaders and high achievers
- Majority of politicians and CEOs are first-borns (President Bush is a first-born; Brad Pitt, too)
- Come in two types: nurturing caregivers or aggressive movers and shakers
- Pay attention to detail, tend to be organized, punctual, and competent
- Want to see things done right the first time
- Don’t like surprises
- Often moody
- Can push people too hard
- Often poor at delegating tasks to others
- Tend to be perfectionists, overly concientious
- Relational, people-pleasers, dislike confrontation
- Basic need is to keep life smooth and peaceable
- Usually calm, roll with the punches, down-to-earth, great listeners
- Skilled at seeing both sides of a problem, make good mediators
- Less driven than first-borns but more eager to be liked
- Have difficult time setting boundaries
- Can drift into becoming “co-dependent” in an effort to please all
- Not good at making decisions that will offend others
- Tend to blame themselves when others fail
- The world’s cheerleaders
- Strong people skills, love to entertain and talk to others
- Make friends easily and immediately make others feel at home
- Extrovert, energized by the presence of others (Cameron Diaz is a last-born)
- Not afraid to take risks
- Tend to get bored quickly, short attention span
- Strong fear of rejection
- When they’ve had enough, they tend to check out
- Self-centered to some extent
- May harbor unrealistic expectations of finding a relationship that will always be fun
What do you think? Do these traits fit you?
If you’re skeptical, perhaps you should take the Birth Order Predictor Quiz. Although, be warned — that might make you more skeptical.
Maybe you think there is something to all of this. If so, you might want to forego astrological compatibility in your next relationship and plan your couplings using The Birth Order Book on Love by William Cane. (In case you’re wondering, the “perfect pair” is firstborn partnered with youngest.)
But before you do anything rash, check out PBS’s Celebrity Birth Order Quiz to make sure you want birth order to dictate who’s hot and who’s not.
Once you’re finished exploring the world of birth order and collecting your opinions about the matter, do a 15-minute writing practice. Think about your childhood. Think about your relationships to adults and to siblings (if any). Think about what your traits were then and what they are now. Seriously, does birth order matter?
Now write.
Big, Medium, Small, pen and ink on graph paper, doodles © 2008 by ybonesy.
All rights reserved.
Interesting…I took the quiz…says I am most likey an only child, but I am 3rd of 4. My two older siblings are very “successful” but so am I in a different sort of way. Also interesting, I fit into part of the mold as described above, but also in many ways, I am WAY more intellingent, “successful”, and different than ANY of my siblings… I’ve taken an unconventional path…its had some rocky patches, but I’ve learned along the way.
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I took the quiz: a washout.
I never thought about birth order playing a role in our personalities. I’m certain it does, but it isn’t something I’ve considered.
I do fit the traits listed for the first born, and my sister is similar to the youngest’s traits.
Cool beans, and weird.
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I think this is really fascinating stuff. My two sisters and me fall pretty much into these findings. It’s good to know that most other families probably experienced the same sort of close ties (as well as natural tensions) that these findings suggest might take place.
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I remember when all these articles came out. I thought they were pretty fascinating. They seem to fit my family to some degree, and to some degree they don’t.
I’m the youngest, and it’s true I take a lot of risks, generally speaking. True I can be self-centered. I’ve gotten less outward-oriented over time.
I’ve always thought that it’s a good thing that I’m married to someone who’s the oldest in his family. His more serious, responsible energy is a good balance to mine.
MM, I can see some middle-born traits in you, but you have a lot of the traits attributed to youngest. You’re pretty much up for anything. And I agree, you’re way successful. 8)
It’s is weird and cool and fascinating stuff, stevo and Eamon. The TIME article gives some extreme cases — President Roosevelt and his poor younger brother, and a couple of famous athlete siblings.
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As the middle child of three, the description given fits me exactly! But then I was already familiar with the theory, and have known it for years.
I found myself in the same role, though, as a mother and wife.
When the children became old enough to assert their own views, which often did not agree with their father’s, I was the mediator-negotiator-peacemaker all over again! Although their father was the 2nd born, he was the only son, with 3 sisters, and had more of the traits of a 1st born. I’m not unhappy with my status, as it has made life easier in many instances. I DO roll with the punches. Good example: I worked for a boss who was the “poster chiild” for Narcissistic
Personality Disorder! Whew! That’s a tough one!
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Wow, I’ve never seen these SloWalker. I cannot believe how accurate the youngest one (which I am) is to my own character. Made me laugh out loud! I can’t disagree with anything on the list no matter how sorely I’d like too! Thanks for sharing it!
😉 H
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ybonesy, really great doodle! Captures the energy of this Topic. It’s a fascinating one. I am firstborn of 6 with many of those traits. But there are lots of varibles, too.
Here are a couple I see:
-gender affects the responsibilities of first, middle, youngest
-what if the family has more than one marriage? – a child can be a youngest child for a while and then fall to the middle in a remarriage, sharing traits of both youngest and middle
-where do your parents fall in birthorder? I think it makes a difference in your experience of them and their world view
All things to consider. I know this theory has been around a while, but it’s interesting to look at it again, in the context of today’s world.
Something I’ve noticed, too, is that we talk about it a lot in the comments. I think the last time we talked about it, I mentioned that I was an only child for 4 years until my brother came along. And today, I feel like the youngest sometimes when I go home and am treated like a Queen! So maybe our traits can change over a lifetime.
I wonder, too, how birth order affects our work relationships. I haven’t read the Time link yet, but want to do that before I write my Practice on this Topic. I’m curious about the physical differences in birth orders. And also why there are not more studies on middle children (who make up most of the world’s children, since only one child can be first born, and only one can be the youngest?).
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oliverowl, yikes, I would not want to work for a Narcissist. I couldn’t imagine a worse personality to have as a boss. You really do roll with the punches 8) .
I have three siblings who are middle-born, and I have to say that I have found all to be easy to get along with. And QM, at least for our generation of biggish families, you’re right, there are a lot of middle borns. One would think they’d be the focus of all the research.
QM, good point on the variables. It does seem that they would make a difference. Relatively large age differences between kids would too, it seems, as you had with your next-in-line sibling.
Both my parents, btw, are middle born, although in the case of my mom, she had two half-siblings and was the first of the next round of kids from my grandmother’s second husband (her first died in a mining accident). But in her family, the tradition was that the oldest was given a lot of responsibility over the younger kids, and in both my dad and mom’s cases, they had to address their oldest siblings differently (with a Spanish term of respect) than everyone else. The oldest was almost like a parent, with certain privileges.
When I was six, my oldest sister had a child, and at some point, maybe when my niece was about 8, I think, she came to live with us. Some of the kids in my neighborhood would make fun of her, and I ended up protecting her and defending her. So even though I was the youngest, I eventually took on this caregiver role over my niece.
I was telling my parents and two of my sisters today about the birth order traits, and we had some laughs about whether they fit us or not. I think our consensus was that they fit more than not, but that there are some exceptions. Especially my oldest sister didn’t seem to fit the description, although I’m not sure why.
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As the firstborn sibling in my family, I can see how many of the traits listed apply to me, but, when my younger siblings, although they have some of the traits listed, only a select few of the others listed apply to them. The second born, for example, seems to walk through life with blinders on. He cannot deal with many many of the truths that are right in front of his face & because of that he holds back on his true emotions. The youngest sibling has it all going for him. He is an extrovert, yet, I believe much of that has to do with his profession & the time in which he grew up.
Because I was much older, I believe I was overly protective of both of my siblings. We are all very close.
I wonder how my Mother felt being the youngest of 13 children! Perhaps much has to do do with the era in which we are born. This was a very interesting post! D
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Wow, diddy, the youngest of 13?! Hey, that reminds me, I once had a co-worker who was the middle-most child in a brood of 15. He was reserved, quiet, polite, facilitating. He had big accomplishments yet never showcased them. I often pushed him to be more in the spotlight — the work environment required it — but it just wasn’t his nature.
BTW, diddy, I do think certain professions can enhance the extrovert in a person. If the job is exciting and fun and the human engagement gives a person energy.
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Birth order cannot tell you absolutely what your personality, confidence, career success etc will be but can be used as a parenting tool to ensure we try and treat our children more equally.
It should be recognised as well that the reported differences in intelligence are more marked in large families and may not be very noticable in 2/3 child families.
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fay, your comment reminds me that we should probably take a “common sense” approach to understanding and trying to use birth order as a predictor. It can only say so much.
I know as a parent, I certainly see some of those traits, and like you said about using it to ensure we treat our children more equally, I can see how I might be more inclined to put more expectation on my first-born and less on my youngest. It’s almost a reflex of mine to do that, and this bit of understanding that I have just from this post has raised an awareness that I didn’t have before. That’s helpful.
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[…] -related to Topic post, WRITING TOPIC – BIRTH ORDER […]
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[…] Being the youngest, I think how much I adored my older siblings, how much they left their imprints on me. I sometimes wish we could go back to those days, those natural roles. My oldest sister says I’m bossy now. I think she’s probably right. -related to Topic post, WRITING TOPIC – BIRTH ORDER […]
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