Not I, But The Wind, tombstone of Frieda Lawrence, near Taos, New Mexico, February 2007, photo © 2008 by QuoinMonkey. All rights reserved.
Emma Maria Frieda Johanna Freiin
(Baroness) von Richthofen
In Memory of twenty five years of incomparable companionship – Angie
Emma Maria Frieda Johanna Freiin (Baroness) von Richthofen was a distant relative of the “Red Baron” Manfred von Richthofen. But she became famous as Frieda Lawrence, wife of the British novelist D. H. Lawrence. Married to David Herbert Lawrence for 18 years, Frieda returned to Taos after his death in Vence, France in 1930, to live with her third husband, Angelo Ravagli.
After Lawrence’s death, she wrote Not I, but the Wind about her nomadic and turbulent years with D. H. Lawrence. It was released by Viking in 1934 and sold for $2.50. The book title is from the poem, Song of a Man Who Has Come Through, and contains many of Lawrence’s unpublished letters.
In a Time magazine article, D.H.L. – Last Word, published Monday, October 8th, 1934, Frieda admits the relationship was stormy, and that Lawrence would sometimes lash out, and hit her in rage. She did not remain silent. It wasn’t her way:
“I did not want to write this book,” says she. “I wanted to give Lawrence my silence.” Then, with refreshing candor: “Do I want to blow my own trumpet? Yes, I do. . . . I will try to write as honestly as I can. Lies are all very well in their place but the truth seems to me so much more interesting and proud.”
ybonesy and I visited the D. H. Lawrence Memorial in February of 2007 on one of our “free days” at a writing retreat at the Mabel Dodge Luhan House. She read Frieda’s epitaph out loud and we chuckled when she mistook incompatible for incomparable.
It is said that Mabel traded Kiowa (the D. H. Lawrence Ranch) to the Lawrences for the manuscript, Sons and Lovers. And she welcomed them to stay at her home when they were in Taos. But according to the Time article, Mabel’s and Frieda’s relationship was strained:
As for Lawrence’s women worshipers, Frieda put up with them as long, as she could, then made a scene.
One day in Taos, N. Mex., whither they had been invited by Mabel Dodge Sterne Luhan (Lorenzo in Taos), “Mabel came over and told me she didn’t think I was the right woman for Lawrence and other things equally upsetting and I was thoroughly roused and said: ‘Try it then yourself, living with a genius, see what it is like and how easy it is, take him if you can.’
If Frieda’s epitaph is any indication, she found a kindred spirit in Angelo Ravagli. The day we walked the winding path to her headstone was blue and chilled. Ice dripped off the tin roofs. Crows swooped in over the power lines. Dorothy Brett’s blue chair sat motionless in her cabin; the typewriter she used to type D. H.’s manuscripts was gone.
Near the Lawrence’s cabin, knotted branches of Georgia’s pine rose in spiky swirls to the sky. Not much had changed. Time seemed to stand still. We walked step by step over the same land they had walked in the 1920’s. The same sun beat through the oxygen-thin altitude.
I thought of everything I had read and heard, including the uproar over Lady Chatterley’s Lover and D. H.’s rocky relationships with women. Frieda answered those questions, too:
“In his heart of hearts I think he always dreaded women, felt that they were in the end more powerful than men.” And her indignant denial that in Lawrence there was anything of the pornographer: “Passionate people don’t need tricks.”
Frieda Lawrence, photograph on her tombstone outside the D. H. Lawrence Memorial, near Taos, New Mexico, February 2007, photo © 2008 by QuoinMonkey. All rights reserved.
Well, not quite. Between the two lovers, flows a river of contradiction. Through letters and words. Even in death.
As Lawrence lay dying he said to her: “Why, oh why, did we quarrel so much?” She answered: “Such as we were, violent creatures, how could we help it?”
-posted on red Ravine, Sunday, March 16th, 2008
-quotes are from the original Time magazine article, D.H.L. – Last Word, Monday, October 8th, 1934
-related to posts: The Name Game (What’s In A Name?), Giants Sat Here
“Between the two lovers, flows a river of contradiction.”
How well you captured this in prose and in photos — the snow entombing a heart that was often frozen. Certain details in your description — like that motionless blue chair. Good stuff.
Now I want to visit the D.H. Lawrence memorial.
I’ve been pretty lousy at relationships most of my life (until about four years ago) because I tended to be a “violent creature.” I’m not certain what happened specifically, but I think it was related to losing two people I loved. Also, getting old just tends to shut you up and make you more patient, more willing to compromise.
All that being said, D.H. seems like he was difficult. I’m reminded of something Shelley Winters said about her divorce, “We had a lot in common. I loved him and he loved him.”
QM — thanks for a lovely morning read. rR posts have become part of my morning devotions. Really.
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“incomparable companionship” What more could anyone of us wish for in a relationship?
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QM– this post is great for many reasons. You tell a good story, about complicated lives, but in a brief and deliciously descriptive way. It makes me want to know more about all of the people you’ve described. That’s a gift. Thanks.
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I enjoyed this post so much, QM. Thanks for writing it and looking up your photos. They jogged my memory and made me smile.
You do have a way of pulling together these various aspects of a person’s life in the telling of a simple story. So rich, and such a great source for those of us who are fascinated by writers’ lives.
I remember when we went to the memorial that day, we had shared some of what we knew about Frieda and DH Lawrence’s troubled relationship — the other women, large egos, competing talents, harsh conditions. By the time I read Frieda’s epitaph, the idea that she and DH Lawrence had had an “incompatible relationship” made complete sense. EXCEPT, who would ever say that on a headstone??, PLUS the words inscribed on Frieda’s headstone were from her second husband to describe *their* relationship, not DH and Frieda’s.
After that trip to the Kiowa Ranch, I was for a time fascinated with Frieda. I remember talking to one of the women who was staffing the Mabel Dodge Luhan house one evening, and she suggested I get the book Not I, but the Wind. They didn’t have the book in the little shop, so I carried the book’s name around with me on a Post-it note for many months. I found it recently in my coat pocket. I still haven’t bought it but will do so next visit to a bookstore.
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I’m just getting back to this post to Comment. I wasn’t able to get online from Sears yesterday (but I did practice!).
sharonimo, I think relationships are some of the hardest work we will all do in our lives. The art of compromise. When I look back at some of my partnerships, I sometimes thought I was doing a good job (and I may have been for the maturity level I was at for that time), but later was able to see where my methods were flawed. I have learned a lot in hindsight.
BTW, everything I have read about D.H. points toward him being quite the difficult person. But his writing can be descriptive and moving. It’s a reminder that not all writers are nice people. And good writers are not always nice people. I feel lucky so far. The more famous ones I have had the pleasure of coming into contact with have been generous with their time and knowledge.
breathepeace, thank you. It’s true about these particular people – very complicated lives. Hard to distill down into a blog post. I’m glad it came across as working. I try to add meaningful links so that people can dig deeper if they want to.
Something struck me as I was writing this comment, ybonesy’s post about Ordinary Lives (LINK). If you strip down to the day to day lives of Frieda or D.H. or Mabel, I think they are pretty ordinary. And if you take our lives and add all the richness of hindsight, family histories, mistakes we have made, outside relationships, broken relationships, sex, affairs – they become as complicated and fascinating as D.H. Lawrence or Frieda. Maybe it’s all in the perspective.
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barbara, so right. What more can we ask for? 8)
ybonesy, good point. Who would put something negative on a headstone. That would be something to research. Because I’m just positive someone probably has.
Frieda looks kind to me in her photograph. She has a kind face. And I’m thinking she had to have a bit of the altruistic in her to stay with D.H. until his death, don’t you?
I remember reading the plaques and how they described all the squabbling that went on around the ashes of D.H. Lawrence. How there is controversy about whether they are even his ashes dropped into the concrete when they were pouring it. If you read the Vence, France link in the post, there’s a little info on that credits Angelo with getting rid of the ashes before they got to the Memorial.
It seems like there are certain men who draw a bustle of women to them to take care of them, keep them going, get things done. Truman Capote comes to mind as another of those men. In the end, they don’t seem like happy people to me. And what are these women thinking? Is it charisma? I don’t know.
BTW, I looked for some info on Angelo Ravagli (Frieda’s 3rd husband) because I wanted to know more about what he was like. Apparently, Frieda was having an affair with him while she was with D.H. (and, of course, D.H. was having many of the same). Lady Chatterley’s lover was supposedly written about Frieda and Angelo.
The most interesting thing I found was in Time magazine (a section on deaths and divorces) from Monday, February 9th, 1976 (LINK). He would have died exactly 30 years (less one day) before we were there on February 8th, 2007.
Here’s what it said:
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QM, yes, Frieda does have a friendly, down-to-earth face. For some reason it doesn’t seem to fit with how I picture DH Lawrence — morose, serious, temperamental.
I didn’t know she’d had an affair and all the bit about the book being based on that affair. Hmmm. I have much to learn about the Lawrences. I once tried to read Sons and Lovers, but I couldn’t get very far into it. I sometimes have a very hard time with literature from long ago.
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Great post!
I visited Taos several times when I lived in Colorado, but had no idea Frieda was buried there.
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Leonard, thanks for your comment. I didn’t know nearly as much about the history of the area until I started visiting the Mabel Dodge Luhan house in 2001 and spent time in Taos during writing retreats over the last few years.
The time I went with ybonesy was the second time I had visited Kiowa. The first time, a few years before, I didn’t know as much about the history as I did the second time. It was fun to read about the history and background before visiting the second time.
Right before the Kiowa trip when I took these photos, I had picked up a little book at the Mabel Dodge Luhan House gift shop called D. H. Lawrence in New Mexico: The Time Is Different There. It was written by Arthur J. Bachrach, a man who retired in Taos and now owns the Moby Dickens Bookshop (another Independent Bookstore, support them!).
The little book is full of little tidbits about D.H., Mabel, Frieda, Dorothy, all the other characters that surrounded D.H. at that time. It’s short and easy to read. I’d recommend it as a primer to anyone heading to Kiowa for a visit. I hope you get back there sometime!
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I forgot to mention, I ran into this blurb in the Taos News a day after I wrote this post. What strange timing. I guess the ranch is hurting according to preservationists. Another area where funding for the arts can help in preserving places like this. Or maybe a wealthy patron and/or D.H. Lawrence lover will take an interest. You just never know.
Taos News: D.H. Lawrence Ranch ailing, but still alive (LINK)
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