I continue to pore through photographs and tapes of my trip to Georgia and South Carolina last summer.
“What’s taking you so long?” Monkey Mind yells from the wings (grabbing every opportunity to scratch his haunches).
“It’s a slow process, excavating the past,” I soberly reply. “Don’t rush me.”
Family history rises from the rich, black compost – memories, stories, memories of stories, sail by, like wispy transparent dots in front of my eyes. Then sink to the bottom while I digest. Pieces of kelp and seaweed. A crab leg floats by. Sometimes fresh catfish on the grill. Everything is grist for the mill.
When we drove from cemetery to cemetery last June, I listened to my parents recall details of their lives. I taped their voices (a gold mine). I took hundreds of photographs of the things left behind: ancient magnolias, crumbling brick, historic churches, lazy rivers, proud neighborhoods, rundown houses, antebellum architecture, and chiseled headstones. So many headstones.
My eyes sweep the marble and granite for the slightest hint of who my ancestors were: dates, places of birth and death, poetic epitaphs. And names.
But what’s in a name?
My sister is the namesake of my great, great Aunt Cassie. One of my brothers is named in honor of my uncle who died less than a month before I was born. Another brother is named after his grandfather and is a III. And yet another is named after his dad and is a Junior (yes, it’s complicated in my family!).
My mother’s middle name is her dad’s first name with -ine on the end (this is common in the South). My grandfather’s middle name doesn’t sound like a birth name at all, but more like a last name. And I want to make a point of asking Mom if his middle name is generational, and is really his mother’s last name.
Whew!
Remember that song, The Name Game written and sung by Shirley Ellis in 1964? (If not, please feel free to refresh your memory by watching the video! It’s a real blast from the past.). The lyrics go something like this:
The name game!
Shirley!
Shirley, Shirley bo Birley Bonana fanna fo Firley
Fee fy mo Mirley, Shirley!Lincoln!
Lincoln, Lincoln bo Bincoln Bonana fanna fo Fincoln
Fee fy mo Mincoln, Lincoln!
Shirley Ellis used to take requests and make a rhyme out of anybody’s name. It’s crazy, but this song was a HUGE hit when I was a kid. People love to hear the sound of their own names.
The Name Game. Many of us don’t use our real names on our blogs. Others do. But we don’t have to reveal our birth names to talk about where they came from.
Who are you named after? Do you know the historical origin of your last name (or is your last name hyphenated to preserve your mother’s history). What about your first? Do you know another person with the same name? Were you named after someone famous? Or did your parents choose your name because they loved the sound of it. Or wanted to make you stronger (a boy named Sue?).
When we are long gone, our names are the one thing that will live on through time. My great, great grandmother wanted to be remembered by the things she loved. What epitaph would you want next to your name?
Her Life Was Simple, and Edges,
Augusta, Georgia, June 2007, all photos
© 2008 by QuoinMonkey. All rights reserved.
-posted on red Ravine, Thursday, March 13th, 2008
I watched the “Shirley” video. What fun. The only song I can think of with my name in it is the Knack’s, “My Sharona” with its pathetic lyrics:
Ooh my little pretty one, pretty one.
When you gonna give me some time, Sharona?
Ooh you make my motor run, my motor run.
Gun it comin’ off the line Sharona
Never gonna stop, give it up.
Such a dirty mind. Always get it up for the touch
of the younger kind. My my my i yi woo. M M M My Sharona…
They had me at “Sharona.” Lost me with “motor run.” Kind of got me back with “i yi woo.”
I’ve always hated my full real name because it’s so dull. Too many “a’s,” “o’s,” “r’s,” and “n’s.” Who’d want to read a book by an author with a dull name? That’s probably one of the reasons why my matron saint is Flannery O’Connor. Cool first name, but did you know her birth name is “Mary” but she never liked it and went with her middle name?
Speaking of O’Connor, that tombstone is precisely the sort of thing you’d read about in one of her short stories. I love the simple directness of what’s engraved here. Once while visiting that cemetery at the edge of Taos, breathpeace and I tried to figure out what ONE word would be on our tombstones, if we could only pick one. Without much hesitation, she suggested my word would be, “OUTRAGEOUS.” What can I say but, “i yi woo”?!
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My name was selected from a dictionary that had a section of names in it. My parents gave my older sister the ‘family’ names.
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sharonimo, who could forget My Sharona. And wasn’t it even re-released a few years ago by another band (whose name escapes me). You have to admit, it a catchy tune.
Great that you bring up about writers (and artists) changing their names for their work in print. I recently ran across another writer with a big name change, but I can’t remember it at the moment. I’ll come back and add other writers’ names in the comments as I think of them.
There are probably quite a few writers who use their middle names as their pen names (like Harry Sinclair Lewis). Oh, and Oscar Wilde’s full name is Oscar Fingal O’Flahertie Wills Wilde. Wow. I had a Catholic girlfriend once who had quite a long moniker after she added her confirmation name. It was so poetic though.
The other aspect you bring up about too much of one letter, or too many vowels – reminds me of names that parents spell uniquely, but then no one gets the spelling right for the rest of that kid’s life. I would have been one of those parents who went for the unique spelling. I mean how many different baby names can there be?
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leslie, did you ever feel slighted by that? I wonder if the kids who do get the “family” names end up getting more attention (unconsciously, of course). That might not be true at all. I was just thinking that when someone is a namesake to another person in the family, it connects them to the history and people of the past. Families like that.
But then, sometimes an old family name can be a curse if it’s a name that is “old-fashioned” (as we used to say) and kind of sticks out in the crowd. It’s interesting how names revolve, go out of style, then come back again. So you can kind of tell the era when someone is born by their name.
Then there are classic names like Elizabeth, Mary, James, Michael. They will be used throughout time, and also stand the test of time.
Going back through family history in terms of family names if fun and a great way to educate current generations about the past. How names skip generations, come back again. One of my aunts was named Edna. I don’t know that many Edna’s. It takes you back.
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I love names and epitaphs, QM, so this post is lots of fun for me. (I’m trying to think of the engraving on Frieda’s gravestone at the DH Lawrence Ranch; remember, it used some word, which I mis-read, and we laughed our heads off because the wrong word actually fit everything we understood her to be?)
I am named after my fiery grandmother. Mom just found out that Grandma’s first name and mine were the same; we used to think mine was a shortened version of Grandma’s first name.
The story goes that Grandma wanted her name on one of her grandchildren, but it was a strange, not-very-pretty name, so none of grandma’s kids gave it to their kids. Finally, when I was the last kid of my mom’s, she felt she had no choice but to give me the name. I hated it my entire childhood, although I used it to make up exotic stories about myself.
I love it now, though, and have only ever met 3 other women with the same first name.
My psuedonym is also an unusual name, which some of you might know was made up by my youngest daughter and her best friend.
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QM…when it came to naming our daughters, Jim and I really struggled. Giving someone a name is a hard thing to do. So much gets wrapped up into names. Will the child hate it, love it? Will there be 3 other kids in the class with the same name? I gave each of my girls two names (first and middle) that were very different, so that if either girl hated their first name, chances would be high that the middle name would be appealing.
I also wanted to say that another Sharon who sometimes comments on the blog sometimes goes by the moniker mysharona. It’s kind of a cool song, now that I look back on it — i y woo!
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Great post, QM. I remember that conversation with Sharonimo in the Los Dolores Graveyard in Taos, NM. What started it was my recollection of my favorite tombstone from a graveyard in the north country of England. On a simple grey granite tombstone, engraved with white letters, centered in four lines was:
In Memory of
GORDON COMRIE
1905 -1999
Gone Dancing
I think I would have liked the guy. A photo of his tombstone “rests in peace” now in my photo album.
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ybonesy, it’s exciting that you were named after your fiery grandmother (it also really fits). I love your name and have not met many with the same name. You bring up the good point about how we can sometimes not like our names as children, then love them as adults when we begin to understand the history and meaning behind them.
My two nieces carry on my mother’s and grandmother’s names as middle names. I just love that history and connection.
Choosing a pseudonym for a blog is hard. Or at least I found it so. Maybe it was because I knew I was going to use it across all genres of online work. And since I’m a weird artist and writer, I wanted it to have a layered meaning. 8)
Is your Mom glad she named you after your grandmother?
I’m going to look for the epitaph on Frieda’s grave at D. H. Lawrence. I think I have a photograph, too. Maybe I can post it over the weekend and link it to his post. I do remember that exchange last year at Kiowa. We were cracking up.
Hey, have you thought much about your epitaph? Some people like to write their own. I want mine to be poetic like my great, great grandmother’s. But then, I don’t know if I’ll have a headstone since I plan to be cremated (even though some still do). I guess there are people who bury their urns. So much to think about.
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breathepeace, I love cemeteries. And visiting them in places when I travel. I also like to go to places where writers or artists are buried. I hope to do more of that in my travels over the coming years.
I love that – Gone Dancing. Simple. Yet it doesn’t get much better than that.
I don’t think I could only choose one word for my tombstone. The poet in me would have at least 2 or 3 – a phrase.
ybonesy, I forgot to mention that it’s great that you gave so much thought to the future of your girls’ names:
I gave each of my girls two names (first and middle) that were very different, so that if either girl hated their first name, chances would be high that the middle name would be appealing.
We can always choose to go by our middle names. Or even change our names later if we wish. One of my employees chose to change her entire name – first, middle, and last – when I was at my corporate job. I couldn’t believe how hard it was for her to get everything in the world changed over.
Then it took us months to remember to call her by her new name (in person and in emails). It was amazing to watch the process we all went through (and her). Our identities are so strongly attached to our names.
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I haven’t thought about an epitaph, QM, probably because I have this notion that if I do something like that, then I’ll suddenly and completely unexpectedly die and everyone will say, “Wow, and she was *just* talking about her epitaph!”
Re: whether Mom is glad she gave me her mother’s name — I think she is. She loved her mom a lot. They talked on the phone every week, several times a week. Mom called her mother “Mama” always, even when my grandma was old and Mom was pretty up there in age. I found that to be endearing. They had a great relationship, and I am very fond and also proud of my grandmother. She was quite the character.
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ybonesy, I can understand being superstitious about epitaphs. Well, is that the right word? Maybe not. Cool about your Mom and Grandmother. My mom was close to hers, too, (though they did have their moments!). I hope you write more posts on your family history as you start to dig into your memoir.
This post kind of came to me out of the blue last night. I wasn’t planning on doing it, but it’s been very helpful to me. The process of going back and digging up the old red Ravine posts and photographs of when I was in Georgia last year has been good.
I listen to the voices on the digital recordings I made (I will always call them tapes, I guess!), and hear so many nuances in language and tone. And speaking of names, I hear the dropping of names from the past – helpful clues and leads I can follow.
Going through this process informs the writing. When I started I had one structure in mind for the book. And as I continue to go through the material, another structure is emerging. Invaluable.
I have to get over how much time it’s taking me. I’m doing the best I can. And there has to be space to let things move through you.
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Oh, one other thing about “names” that I thought of this morning. I kind of wish I had put it in the post. But I’ll add it here.
When I was 2 my mother remarried and I really bonded with my step-father (who drove around with Mom and I last June and let me record his memories). He and Mom went on to have 3 more kids, and, of course, they had a different last name than mine. As a kid, that felt odd to me. I didn’t quite fit in.
So when I started grade school, one day I just began writing my step-dad’s (who I called Daddy and considered my real father) last name after my first name on my school papers. The teachers noticed it and let me keep on doing it for a time. But after a while, they said I needed to start using my legal last name.
Well, that didn’t sit well with me. I fought it tooth and nail in the beginning. My step-dad tried to adopt me but my blood father would not let him. I reluctantly ended up going back to my legal name on my grade school papers. But the whole process we went through as a family changed me.
My blood father (who had not wanted much to do with me up to this point) tried to keep control by refusing the adoption. It was good to see that Mom and my new Dad rallied around me and tried to make change so that I felt like I fit in more with the rest of my siblings. (Thanks Mom and Daddy!) I felt supported and like they stood up for me. By the time I got to Junior High I was fine with it. And I love my name now. But the whole process had a big impact on me.
Our names are such big part of our identity. And one of the ways we can go back and trace our history. There are many blended and single parent families today. I just hope parents continue to pass on the history – even though they may not be married into the family anymore. It’s important to feel connected to the past. And sometimes the only way we can heal and come to respect it.
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You raise a good point, QM, about our last names and family identity/heritage. And it is more complex today than when we were kids.
I didn’t change my last name when I married. My daughters have my last name as a second middle name. Maybe it’s confusing, but I wanted them to know that they were a part of me given that I would have a different last name.
But I want to say that it was such a sign of deep love that your step-dad tried as hard as he did, and your mom, too, to change your name as a symbol of their deep love and desire to make you equal to all the other children. That’s huge!
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ybonesy, thanks. It sure was. I still feel that deep love they have for me. I do not live near them or see them often. But the thing about love – it transcends all that.
I don’t think the second middle name you gave your daughters is confusing at all. I think they will love having it. And probably be writing about it someday on their own blogs. And they will think of you each time they see your name as part of theirs. And remember how much you love them.
We are just getting home from looking at the studio space in the Casket Arts Building. We met with our potential studio mates as well. We had never met them before and everything went swimmingly. One step closer to maybe having a space where I can lay out everything for my book and start writing away. A space I can leave everything out and all set up. We are all very excited. Not finalized yet. But oh, so close!
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QM, I can relate to the Southern way with names. My mother never called her sister by her given name, instead, she called her “Sister.” She called one of her male cousins “Beau.” I was an adult before I learned their real names. I grew up calling my Dad’s two Aunts, “Aunt Tem & Aunt Bert.” Again, I found out much later that their names were Emma & Bertha!
One of my great, great, great grandmothers was given the name “Andrewzilla” Family history states she was the 12th child born to the family and DUH, they hadn’t named one of their sons after the father, “Andrew.” (poor girl was, indeed the last child they had.) I always wondered if she hated her very different name.
We have four generations of men with the same name, beginning with my paternal grandfather. It was made a little less confusing, as each generation alternated, going by their first and middle names.
My favorite experience in a cemetery was while I was taking a self-guided walking tour in Boston. Don’t remember which church it was, but it had a small cemetery on its grounds. I walked in, not looking at closely at every tombstone until I seemed to be drawn to one…I looked down to read it, and there was my maiden name on it!! I felt like someone was behind me, watching. Of course, I wrote down what was on it. A few months later, I had my last visit with Aunt Tem, before she passed on, and I asked her if there were any of our family that lived in the Boston area in the early 1700’s. She said, “Yes, they came from Swansea, Wales and settled Swansea, MA!”
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Awesome news, QM (about the step closer).
oliverowl, that must also be generational, as in a courtesy thing that older generations encouraged (and perhaps insisted on). My dad calls his one living aunt “Tia” (Aunt), and some of my cousins call my dad “Tio.” I didn’t adopt the courtesy, so I call my uncles by their first names 😦 .
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oliverowl, the story of your visit to the Boston cemetery, seeing your name on a grave, then finding out later from Aunt Tem that you were related makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I mean, what are the chances you would have actually seen that tombstone?
And “Andrewzilla” your great, great, great grandmother’s name – that’s wild. Truly unique. There are a lot of Emmalyne’s in my family’s Southern history. Though I don’t hear that name much in the North or here in the Midwest. Old name.
Yes, that Southern thing you bring up about calling a female sibling, “Sister.” That used to be what the family called my mother. When I asked them about it last time I was there, no one really knew why or how that started. And “Beau” is kind of the male version.
Some great history there oliverowl. It’s fun to compare notes with regional family history. One of my brothers is thinking of taking his kids to Ireland, Scotland, and Wales to visit some of the family history. Maybe not this year but the one after.
I told him I might want to tag along. But I want to throw in London. We also want to visit Stonehenge and some of the Celtic sacred places. Time before time. Back, back, back. How far back can we go?
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ybonesy, that’s interesting about “Tia” and “Tio.” It does sound like the same kind of generational thing as “Sister.” Hey, did you mention your dad was from the South? I can’t remember now. Or am I thinking of mimbresman’s dad? Where did your parents grow up?
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My dad named all of his children; 4 of us. My mom says she had nothing to do with it. By strange coincidence my brother and my name starts with the same letter, and my two sisters names start with the same letter (though different from us boys). My middle name is the same as my dad’s, but my first name is very unusual. I like to think I am a one-and-only.
My dad would never tell me where he got my name. He would say, “I’ll tell you on your 18th birthday.” Well, my 18th birthday rolled around and I asked him. He hesitated and teased me and made me wait. Finally when he was ready he revealed where my name came from…
A character in a 1930’s science fiction movie serial/comic book.
There was a “modern” version of this movie released in 1980. I remember because I was living alone in Twin Falls, Idaho. I went to movie just to see the character and to see my name in the credits.
Kind of cool.
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mimbresman, great comment about the origins of your name. It seems like it was one of those playful family secrets your dad had that kept bonding you both until the moment he told you. It would make a good short story. Now I’m going to be trying to guess what 1930’s movie that was.
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QM: I envy your trip. I look at the past with your parents as guides would be a fascinating journey. Cemeteries and tombs are my favorite haunts, I could spend weeks wandering among headstones.
I did wonder about your statement: When we are long gone, our names are the one thing that will live on through time.
Are we not also remembered by our deeds? Names are mere syllables, sounds, easily forgotten. Will not our actions, both positive and negative, be remembered when our names are not?
Just a thought….
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The posts on names resonates with me as i struggled when i divorced about whether to keep his last name or return to my maiden name. i had a daughter, and he asked if i could allow her to retain his name even if i remarried. (which i did out of respect to her) i believed that it was important to stay connected in some way to parents and inlaws and outlaws for the child’s benefit. (and i believe everyone has to figure out what is right for their situation). i did return to my maiden name and i wondered if it would cause my daughter headaches over time. i found myself answering to any name, MRS somebody, regardless of the last name. it just made things easier. What’s in a name? not much. and everything. It is what we attach to it that counts.
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QM, J & I decided against heading to western PA. Still just not up to it. But, I did want to comment on this post. I shared with J your story about Daddy(I call him that, also) & how he & Mom had wanted to have you legally adopted by him. Something we didn’t know, but did not surprise either of us. So, we just learned something new. Thanks for sharing that!
I often visit cemeteries with my Dad when I am home. He has photos of all of the family headstones & the history to go with them. He & my mother already have their’s in place. I haven’t seen them & am not ready to.
Very interesting about names & I actually like my own (though boring & very common for the time that I was born)
The biggest problem I have is that most people tend to put a y in it when they talk to me. K is one of the only people I know who doesn’t do that.
I think J is fine with his first name & proud that Mom chose it for him because of her brother. It is his middle name (that I think might have been a name of a grandfather or great-grandfather) that reminds one of a famous cartoon coyote that seems odd.
By the way, I selected my epitaph many years ago when I decided on cremation. My urn will read “Pardon my dust!”. I believe it was Erma Bombeck who might have said that many years ago & I knew it was what I wanted. D
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Stevo, I loved your comment:
Are we not also remembered by our deeds? Names are mere syllables, sounds, easily forgotten. Will not our actions, both positive and negative, be remembered when our names are not?
And you are absolutely right. We *will* be remembered by the way we live our lives, the things we do, the choices we make, our everyday actions, the way we treated our family, friends, people on the streets. All of that will be passed down from generation to generation.
When I read your comment (#21), I was thinking back to when I was walking through the graveyards with my parents. As soon as we would actually find the plot, walk up to the tombstone, and I would see the relative’s name, I would have a visceral reaction – images of them would pop into my head. And the images were associated with their lives, the things they did, what I remembered about each one of them.
And I’m sure the same thing was happening for my parents – but their memories were probably completely different than mine (or each other’s). And that’s what makes memoir writing filled with energy. All those different thoughts & emotions going on at the same time.
I also imagined all of them somewhere up in the ethers smiling down on us. And probably reading our thoughts as we were having them. Quite the journey indeed.
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reccos62, thanks for sharing your experiences around returning to your maiden name (Comment #22). I didn’t know that about you. It’s great to read the process you went through, imagining how it would be for your daughter. Then having to consider your ex-husband’s wishes as well (out of respect for you daughter). It seems like the compromise you made worked for everyone involved.
Your comment reminds me of how women are usually the ones who have to work all this out, since they are most likely to have changed their name through the marriage customs in this country. And since women literally used to be the property of their husbands, I guess we’ve come a ways toward change. But I can see by the conversations here that women still struggle with the name changes.
I’ve got to say, I was so happy when my mother went back to her maiden name a few years back. And she said she would never change it again. It seemed so symbolic to me, like she took a big piece of herself back.
But I think you said it best when you said:
…everyone has to figure out what is right for their situation. What’s in a name? not much. and everything. It is what we attach to it that counts.
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diddy, are you really putting “Pardon my dust!” that Erma Bombeck quote on your urn? Or are you teasing me here? 8) Hey are you going to have your urn buried? Or what are your plans for it. I never thought about that before this post. What happens to the urn?
I really like J.’s name. And I had forgotten about the significance of his middle name to Daddy’s side of the family. That is an honor as well. I kind of like his middle name. It’s unusual. You just don’t hear it often.
Yes, I figured it would not surprise you two that Daddy tried to adopt me. We talked about it last June, too. I had memories but could not remember the exact circumstances. But Daddy remembered them, for sure!
BTW, maybe I should mention to others, that when I grew up in the South we called our parents Mama and Daddy. Grandparents were Grandmama and Granddaddy. That’s the only thing I heard back then. When I moved up North, it was Mom and Dad. And Grandma and Grandpa. I kind of like the Mama and Daddy of the South. But I stopped saying it after we moved. Got teased too much for the Southern accent!
Sorry to hear you didn’t make it to western PA this weekend. It sounded like fun. Hope you feel better!
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[…] her post on names and the importance of names, QuoinMonkey wrote that “When we are long gone, our names are the one thing that will live on […]
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Wonderful subject QM, I could write a lot on this!
Apparently Susan, my first name, was very popular in the 1950’s because all the way through school there was at least two of us in every class…sometimes three! :O
So when I named my daughter I sort of made up a name. I wanted her to be original. I think the flower child in me ran amuck too. hee, hee.
She started school and she was original all right…everyone had trouble with her name. Before My second husband adopted her at age 11 we sat down with her to talk about her name. We all agreed while changing her last name we would also add a few letters to her first name to make it a more “normal” name.
She was happy with that until, much to my surprise, she legally changed it back to her original birth name when she married! She is a registered nurse now and her birth name is front and center on her name tag. 🙂
Now she has a daughter, and guess what she gave her an unusual and unique name. Also, her daughters middle name came from her great great great great Grandmother, and it was an unusual name in her day. My granddaughter will be 11 this year, and I am happy to report she had no problem with her name. (thank goodness)
As for me…I finally embraced my name. There are fewer and fewer “given” that name now, and someday when I am long gone I am sure someone will use it for it’s uniqueness!
As for my epitaph, I am thinking something like:
“I’d rather be painting!”
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Great epitaph, Suz!
You’re right, names come in waves and yours is now unique as far as new names go. Em has one classmate named Suzy, and I was surprised to hear that name, as these days there are a host of Madisons and Samanthas and Sarahs and Sidneys, but not many Susans.
I think it’s interesting how our own childhood experiences with names informs the names we choose (and avoid) for our kids. I love flower child names. I also love the kind of old-people names from great-aunts and uncles, names like Hazel and Frederick.
My Latina friends and I have always joked about the old-tio and tia names that we heard growing up. Sarita or Guadalupita or Inocencio. We’d joke that we were going to give our kids these long-winded names. Eulogia or Constancia. It’s amazing how in Spanish, names are so symbolic: Innocence, Eulogy, Constance. You don’t see many English versions, although I do know someone named Prudence, whose name I love.
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QM, I’m still considering that Erma Bombeck quote! I haven’t honestly made up my mind on what should be done with my ashes. Part of me wants to be remembered, so I have considered having the urn buried, but another part of me wants to have them spread somewhere special. Perhaps I make a split decision & do both. The front of my urn could read “She loved her family & friends, enjoyed nature & living life to the fullest of her abilities”, then “Pardon my dust” on the back to add a little humor.
Just a quick story on Daddy. The first time Brant met him, J & I explained that he was J’s Daddy & therefore Brant’s Great Granddaddy . Brant thought about it & couldn’t accept that. He refers to Daddy as Great Pap Pap! D
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Suz, great epitaph. And I loved your story about your daughter’s name. I think it’s so cool that she changed it back to her original birth name when she got older. She wears it with pride.
I’m dying to know the name of the great, great, great grandmother that your grandaughter is named after but I know most of us don’t do names on the air.
BTW, all those “greats” remind me that I realized when I went back through my older Georgia posts, I have all the “greats” mixed up. Is my Aunt Cassie my great aunt or my great, great aunt? I’m so confused. And I need to go back and correct the “greats” in some of those old posts!
I need a visual. I was thinking yesterday, I’m going to roll out some orange tracing paper and make a simple family tree (from Mom’s longer one) – just far enough back that it helps with my research.
Oh, Suz, my best friend in elementary school was named Susan. And one of my good friends now is named Susan. It was an EXTREMELY popular name in the 50’s. And now I rarely hear it at all. Everything special goes around and comes around. 8)
ybonesy, Sarita, Guadalupita, Inocencio, Constancia are names that sound beautiful to my ears. I had not thought about the symbolism of them. But it seems like that would be rich territory when you go back in your memoir writing.
I have grown to really like the name Prudence. After it was made famous by the Beatles, it gained huge ground. I don’t know anyone with that name at the moment though.
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diddy, I like the idea of a split decision. But there is something so freeing about being scattered to the wind and – that’s it. I’m going to continue to ponder.
Where did Brant get the Pap Pap part? What does he call you and J.?
Hey, diddy, have Brant try the Name Game. The words are below (or you can watch the video link in the piece).
Liz and I practiced last night with Shirley Ellis, then went out to order and pick up a pizza. When we got to the counter, we were singing the Name Game. The young 16-year-old at the counter started laughing.
“Do you know this song?” I asked. She nodded her head yes. “Your mother must have taught it to you then,” I laughed, “since I was about 10 when it came out.”
Then I said, “Hey, what’s your name?” She said, “Courtney.” Then Liz and I broke out in the Name Game and it echoed through the pizza place:
Courtney!
Courtney, Courtney bo Bourtney Bonana fanna fo Fourtney
Fee fy mo Mourtney, Courtney!
We were all cracking up. I saw a comment on the Shirley Ellis YouTube page about a mother who had taught it to her twins.
ybonesy, you should try it too at your place. It’s still very popular!
(Oh, the exceptions are names with B, F, or M. You have to read the contrary rule in the song to get how she does those!)
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QM, Brant calls J Pap Pap, so that is what made sense to him when it came to Great Pap Pap! We all chuckled & agreed that for him it just seemed right.So. that is what stuck. Brant calls my dad Pappy B______ (last name). I am MeMe to Brant.
Yeh, the split decision might work. I have gone head to head with my Dad about having a headstone. He just now is comfortable with the idea of cremation. My decision to be cremated was made well over 20 years ago.And I agree with you that there is something freeing by being scattered in the wind.
I forgot to comment on the Shirley Ellis Name Game. Brant & I often do this & in fact, when I was working & called a customer & got voice mail, I would often (depending on the customer!) start out my message with that tune & their name. So if I called a girl named Lisa my message would begin “Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, bo fisa monalisa, fee fy mo misa, Lisa!
& then usual this is so & so please call me”.I cannot tell you how many customers would return my call & tell me how that had brightened their day!It’s very catchy & I remember the show well from my childhood!The story about you & Liz starting the trend at the pizza place is a treasure! And you know what? That is exactly something I would do! I think sometimes we all get too caught up in “our world “that we forget to include strangers & look at the results you & Liz had. I’m certain many of the patrons are carrying that name game out today! D
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[…] -related to posts, The Name Game (What’s In A Name?) […]
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diddy, I’ve been meaning to come back to this post all week. Finally making it here. So does your dad want you to have a headstone? And, if so, why is that so important to him? Just curious.
About the Name Game — I think it’s great that you would sing the Name Game in the voicemails you would leave your customers. Says a lot about your playful nature. Life’s too short to be serious all the time.
Liz and I have had the Name Game in our heads all week. In the morning, Liz gets up, goes to make coffee, comes back and shouts out a name, Chaco! (one of our cats). I immediately poke my head up from the sheets and join her in the Name Game:
Chaco, Chaco bo Baco Bonana fanna fo Faco
Fee fy mo Maco, Chaco!
We’ve been doing that since this post came out!
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What’s in a name? Two other writers who changed their names:
Jack Kerouac’s original name was Jean-Louis Kerouac. He renamed himself after Jack London.
Fannie Flagg was born Patricia Neal. At 17, she changed her name when she registered with Actors’ Equity, since there was another actress named Patricia Neal.
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QM, yes my dad wants me to have a headstone. It is imortant to him that each of us leave our mark for generations to come. I will probably comply with his wish, perhaps with a memorial headstone.
And yes, The Name Game & rhymes. We do a lot of that. We also take well known tunes & make up our own words to them. Too much fun! Brant & I took a trip to visit my family in early November & he had me in stitches with some of his during the ride up there. His favorite rhyme is “I had an old dog & his name was Jack. I put him in the barn & he pee’d down a crack” I suspect my dad is guilty of teaching him that one. That’s as bad as they get! D
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You know, that’s something to consider, leaving a mark in the form of a headstone. A place people can visit. When I think of that in terms of writers and artists whose birth places and graves I like to visit, it makes sense to me. And, in terms of family, maybe even more sense. I’m going to ponder on that one some more.
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Reading these posts reminded me of a conversation I had with Granny and Pop (fraternal grandparents) regarding my father and my name.
The first name (which neither of us use frequently) is from a man who helped them get started when the moved to where they lived in Tennessee. He owned a garage and helped them get started. Our middle name is actually Granny’s middle name (an unusual middle name for a woman).
Growing up I was always Little __ and my father was Big ___. When it came to naming my children D wanted to name our daughter after our mother but I didn’t want her to have the same Little _ and Big _ experience I went through so we compromised and made it her middle name. She uses that name with some friends because it is different and she likes it.
My son’s first name was actually going to be a middle name that we were going to call him by but D in her wisdom reminded me of how I hated correcting teachers in school to have them call me by the name I knew myself by so we used it as his first name and found a middle name that sounded well with that name and our last name.
Like Reccos62 said – What’s in a name? Everything and nothing.
As for an epitaph – I was thinking “He made me laugh” or “In your memories I still live”
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QM, yes a memorial headstone.
R3, as for your epitaph, I like them both! They are so you! The first one is you & the second, well provided you go first
(we have had conversations about this subject) would hold true, for sure! It beats J’s epitaph for me-“She made great macaroni & cheese”. Wow! Now that is something I want to be remembered for!
Names, remember when I married J & your D & I then shared the same name? We moved into her childhood home! I got some prescriptions filled at the local pharmacy & although I provided them with my insurance prescription card, they still charged your insurance company. I didn’t see the mistake until after I returned home. BTW, I got it corrected, but your prescription benefits were better than ours!
I like the idea of adding humor to an epitaph. R3, I thought you also wanted to be cremated?
I love Brant’s middle name Mckinley (part of his mother’s family history!) When his whole name is spoken, it is quite a manly name indeed! D
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R3, I just came back to this post and remembered that I had wanted to respond to your details of the names passed down from Granny and Pop. I’m so glad you added the pieces about your middle name (and your dad’s) being Granny’s middle name (and, yes, unusual for a woman). I had forgotten that.
And I always loved it that you (and my sister) carried on Mom’s and Grandmama’s names through the middle names of your daughters. I think it’s great that your daughter is using the middle name (our mother’s name) because it’s unusual and she likes it. I have always thought it to be a beautiful name.
diddy, what a strange story about the mix up of names on the prescriptions after you moved into D.’s childhood home. I didn’t remember that! It brings up the whole issue of people with similar or the same names, how confusing that can be sometimes. I like Mckinley. It sounds distinguished.
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[…] to be male. If they ended up with a female, well, you got names like Earline or Fredericka or Andrewzilla (just ask oliverowl). Isn’t there a story in the Bible where a faithful believer was asked to sacrifice his […]
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QM. I came back to this post today after having to send the most difficult sympathy card that I have ever sent. I’m not sure this is where my comments belong, but a long time friend of mine passed away yesterday. He was only 54 years young & his death was due as a result to an antibiotic given to him that he was unaware that that he was allergic to. Actually he & is wife were longtime friends from high school on. I read his obituary today in my hometown newspaper on line & I must say it was the most loving tribute that I have ever read. There is a family & friends visitation tonight. Not enough notice for me to be there, however, there will be a celebration of his life (a party) on July 3rd, which would have been his 55th birthday. His ashes will be distributed to the wind in a place that he loved most. I will be there no matter what. His wife has suffered from MS for years & he leaves behind 4 children & his companion “Huck”. Rest in peace, my good friend. I will always hold on to the memories. D
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diddy, so sorry to hear about your friend who passed away yesterday. How shocking to have something like that happen to someone you have known that long, an old high school friend. So sorry for your loss. Sending prayers and regards to the family. And will be thinking of you over the July 4th weekend.
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diane- i am named after my great grandmother whom i have never met, derives from the name dion which mean devine queen in greek.
my last name derives from spain “costa de luz” before the great inquisition
Cheers,
Diane
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pc, your names sound very exotic. I think it’s great that you know their origins and word meanings. It is interesting to have this post revived at this time. I’m back down in the very territory where I took these photos and we are heading to a few of the same cemeteries today.
I am also steeped in ancestry names as Mom and I work on the family tree. It all takes me back to this post. Thanks for commenting. Welcome to red Ravine.
BTW, I am noticing from the family tree how and when first names repeat themselves. I like to see when families pull the old names forward and revive the past. It lives on through those repeated first, last, middle names.
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[…] have always loved the name Amelia. It reminds me of Amelia Earhart. I never thought to ask Mom if she was named after the famous […]
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[…] least two.) Who was your grandmother? Was she the matriarch, a dowager, estranged from the family? What was her name? Did you call her Grandmother, Granny, Grandma, or Grandmama. Did she spoil you, was she strict, […]
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[…] through memoir old gravestones crack and crumble worn secrets […]
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[…] ________________________________ Related to posts: 40 Days, 8 Flags, and 1 Mennonite Choir, Memorial — Day & Night, Bridge To Nowhere — The Great Connector, Fear Of Bridges, Thornton Wilder & Bridges, Minneapolis At Night, The Name Game (What’s In A Name?) […]
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