By Sharon Sperry Bloom
QM and YB got me thinking about what my totem animal might be.
I’ve always had cats, my whole life, and I’m uncomfortable without one in the house right now. I think we probably have exchanged a few traits along the way, like a love of solitude and sleep.
I love dogs, especially the sweetheart who lives with us now. Two-Socks is a “rez” rescue and came to me via a friend at work who could no longer keep her. She is the most loving and obedient animal I’ve ever known.
I’m not big on fish; I feel they’re pretty but boring, but it’s likely just my lack of trying to find their personalities.
Same with turtles and rabbits. I never knew a gerbil or hamster.
I had a bat squeeze it’s way into my apartment once back in Michigan. I really liked having it there. We were peaceful with each other. I opened the front door and it eventually flew out.
I can stare into the soulful faces of the sea otters and seals at an aquarium all day. Once on a family outing to the Albuquerque Zoo, my husband had to literally drag me out of there because one sea otter kept stopping to stare at me each time he took a lap around the tank. We were communicating I tell you!
I like most animals. Unlike many folks, I don’t mind mice or snakes. Even cockroaches don’t freak me out. I wish they’d stay out of my house, but they don’t give me the heebie-jeebies.
Bees and wasps leave me alone as I watch them in the flowers. Even scarabs can be nice. I once came home and found a huge jewel-green one just sitting on my front door! It was beautiful.
I really had to think about this totem animal issue. And what I came to realize is that I’ve been sharing my life quite comfortably with big spiders.
I’ve seen some big wolf spiders in my travels around the state of New Mexico. I’ve always liked tarantulas and daddy-long-legs. And every summer here in Albuquerque, I have lots of black widow friends.
Yes, friends. There are some that live behind the potted roses on my porch. After a particularly windy few days, if the dust and dirt piles up, I may sweep them into the flowerbeds while cleaning the porch, but otherwise, that is their home. They stay outside and don’t seem to mind when my husband and I sit out there.
And there are the ones in our garage. The building is more of a carpentry shop than a place to park anything, and I am frequently in and out getting tools or making a frame for a canvas.
This past summer and fall, there was a big black widow female who had a web near an area I frequent for gardening tools. Every time I went in the garage, I would talk with her and tell her what I was going to do and where I needed to be. She was very accommodating.
I also warned her to move her web when I knew my husband would be near her space. I suggested either down very low, since he’s a tall man, or up very high where the shelves are filled with things we don’t much use.
She tried low for a while, but her choice wasn’t great. She was too close to the car jacks and Bill uses those to change the oil. So she moved up high, near the overhead door. I would tell her I was coming in before I opened the door so she could scoot out of the way if she was too close. Usually she would just hang out and watch me when I was in the garage. I talked to her. If anyone else came along, she’d scamper to a shadowy spot and hide.
I miss her now that it’s winter.
Spider. Creator. Grandmother. Delicate and strong. Shy. Dream weaver.
Related Links:
- Louise Bourgeois’ Maman, located outside the National Gallery of Canada
- The female black widow spider
- The meaning of Spider Totems, by www.animaltotem.com
- Dictionary of Insect Animal Totems, by www.starstuffs.com
- Spirit of Spider, by wolfs_moon.tripod.com
Sharon Sperry Bloom is an artist living in New Mexico. She wrote this essay based on a writing practice inspired by red Ravine post, What Is Your Totem Animal?
You can see Sharon’s art and read about her creative process in the post Under Your Voodoo.
I have my childhood copy of Charlotte’s Web, Sharon, and I love that book, too. (As do my girls.)
I feel bad because one day when we were moving out of our old house, I pulled out a wad of paper towel that had probably for years, even before we owned the house, been stuffed into a crack in the window. The windows were old and funky and rustic. I was trying to do a deep cleaning. Well, when I pulled out the paper towel wad, I also pulled out a female black widow. I rushed to take it outdoors. I had been wearing rubber gloves, being as how I was cleaning.
I shook the paper towel and looked everywhere for the spider. I couldn’t find it, couldn’t find it. Went back inside and because I was still a bit worried about where the spider had gone, I looked up and down my arms. Well, there climbing down into the rubber glove was — guess who? I freaked out and ended up smashing the spider dead. Bless its heart.
You have truly captured what I consider to be the gentle nature of the spider. I’ve only killed that one and only because I flipped when I saw where it was. But we have lots around these parts, and we live and let live. Spiders are amazing.
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I saw Louise Bourgeois’ Maman in London last NOvember, and there is also a smaller one located at Boston’s ICA:)
The only spiders I like are the Daddy-Long Legs. They’re the only ones that don’t make webs, and you can shake their ‘hands’. LOL.
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I have to admit I’ve killed some, too. I am not immune from freaking out when they surprise me or when I get a head full of webs walking where I shouldn’t.
Sometimes I worry about the brown recluse ’round these parts, and I’m not really sure if I could properly identify one. Don’t they look a lot like the common house spider?
What I didn’t talk about in this piece at all is the importance of the spider in native american cultures.
For the Navajo, Spider Woman helped The People come from the third world to this world, the fourth, and taught them to weave. Spider is known as grandmother in many cultures.
More commonly, those dream catchers you see all over the southwest come from the Lakota (I think). The small hole in the center is where good dreams & ideas come through and can be remembered. The web catches bad dreams & ideas so you can forget them.
My apologies to any native americans who know these stories much better than I do. I’m sure my version is awfully simplistic.
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http://www.surlalunefairytales.com/boardarchives/2005/jan2005/spiderstories1.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anansi
West African stories are rich with spider stories.
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Leslie,
Thanks so much for those links. Of course, I prefer the Navajo attributes over the African trickster!
One message on the SurLaLune board really caught my eye:
“…Navajo lore- the importance of weaving as a symbol for connections between people is extraordinary. Did you know that it’s still true Navajo weavers purposely weave a break in the pattern of their work in order for the weaver’s soul to avoid becoming trapped in the work?”
How cool is that? I wonder if I should do something similar in my paintings?
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As I child I recall my father being bitten by spiders more than once. I know at least one of those times was either a black widow or brown recluse. His hand turned a black-purple color, but he seemed (to me) unconcerned.
Jim got bit by a brown recluse a long time ago. It bit him on the foot when he stood on it (accidentally). His leg swelled big in just a few minutes, and his heart was beating fast. His leg started to sweat, and just when he was about to call 911, the worst of the symptoms subsided. He said it hurt for weeks, however.
We’ve had other spider bites in the family. We can always tell them by how they leave an almost perfectly round purple mark behind.
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Sharon, I enjoyed your piece. What struck me was the tender relationship you developed with the black widow and how you talked to her about moving her web low, then high. I liked the visual and the movement details.
It’s not the easiest thing to develop mutual relationships with animals that have poison or venom as part of their defense mechanisms. You really have to trust, to have faith. It tells a lot about your character.
When I was growing up in Georgia, we had black widows. I was fascinated and could watch them for hours (from quite a distance, mind you). I remember our neighbor got bit by one once and got pretty sick. And just last June when I was in Georgia with my parents they were talking about how my brother came home once with a spider in a jar that was completely covered with eggs – it turned out to be a black widow.
If he’s reading this, I wonder if he remembers? I love those kinds of family stories. And now you are passing this one along.
I had to check out all of your links. (BTW, thanks for providing them and the image. It really makes our job easier with the posting!) The photograph of the black widow reminds me how beautiful they are.
You know, honestly, I didn’t know there were black widows in New Mexico. You inspired me to read up on them a little more and there are 3 species: Southern, Northern, & Western. But they are very similar so they get lumped together.
In the Medicine Cards, I rarely draw Spider. But there are certain cards where I pay more attention than others. She’s one of them. Coyote another. Owl. They aren’t my totems. So when they show up, I know there’s a message a little off my beaten path.
Thanks for submitting the post. Always a pleasure to have you as a Guest on red Ravine.
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When I met my former wife, she lived in a rural part of Colorado, and had a well on the property that was full of black widows. She would climb down that well everyday, to turn the water on. I watched her climb down there at least a thousand times, and never once, did she get a spider bite.
So…..maybe there is something to this ‘intra-species’ communication!
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YB – Poor Jim! Is he spider-shy now? I’ve heard the bites are terrible painful. It’s interesting to learn the pain lasts so long. Yikes!
QM – Maybe these critters are smarter than we think. Or like dogs, they can sense things in us like fear and aggression.
Sellinstix – Thanks for commenting. She sound both trusting and brave. I’ll bet she was quite a sight to all the little spiders!
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I’d like to read a follow up on your life as a spider. Do you see things differently when in spider mode?
It’s great your connection with the mammals in your life. People, myself included, seem to be growing in their awareness of all creatures.
You’re a brave, accepting soul, as you even embrace snakes, mice, and other creepy crawlies. 🙂
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Mariacristina: I think that’s my normal mode. It’s when I get outside of normal that I’m not well connected with the world and those around me (human or otherwise), you know?
Here’s a bit of a follow up: I could not abide life with no cat in the house, so I went to the animal shelter and adopted one. She’s a spayed short-hair about a year old. Tall, thin and graceful, with a small but insistent meow.
She and the dog are learning to get along. (The dog is excited for the company – the cat is a little unsure).
I’m not sure, but her name may be Rita. I’ve been calling her Senorita, bonita, and mijita, and she responds well to all the ‘Ita’s.
Any suggestions?
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LB, I wanted to comment, how lucky that you got to see Louise Bourgeois’ Maman in London last November. I like her work. There is a lot of symbolism in it. She’s had a pretty interesting life, too. Strong woman.
How did you find out that Daddy-Long Legs don’t make webs? I didn’t know that. Now I’m wondering where they make their homes.
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I like the name Rita. I would call her santa rita.
I also like the name “mijita.” It’s a term of endearment, for those who don’t know. Means “my little daughter.”
Did you go get this cat in recent days? I wish we could have a cat. Jim is allergic.
QM, our old house used to be full of daddy longlegs, and now that I think about it, I never saw webs. Just the spiders. Almost every day, several in the bathtub. I cupped them into my hand and flipped them out of the tub. Gosh, it’s nice to live in a house that doesn’t have a ton of daddy longlegs. I mean, I like them, but I don’t really want to see them every day, many times a day.
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I like both of those yb, santa rita and mijita. I imagine they will get shortened somehow, too. If you’re anything like we are, we make up terms of endearment all the time for our three cats. They don’t seem to mind. 8)
I don’t remember seeing many daddy longlegs here in MN. I remember them more in the South. We must have them though. Hmmmm.
yb, how did they get into your bathtub? Did they come up the drain pipe? Doesn’t seem like a likely place for a lot of spiders.
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http://www.crossingworlds.com/articles/weaving.html
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leslie, that’s a wonderful link about Winnie Henry. I love this quote from her:
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YB, I think you’re on to something with Santa Rita.
Leslie, that link is wonderful. I was particularly drawn to this passage:
“I can pray anywhere. God doesn’t tell us to practice this way and that way. I don’t think there should be a routine. There are signs I see and notice when I pray. Examples make me believe–people living their belief. My culture and my religion live within me and won’t come out. Trees, water, every living thing has male and female. The heat, the air, is for a reason. All are team work.”
I guess it just resonates with my world-view. Not sure where I got it from, but there it is.
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HOw do I find out what my totem animal is? I feel like it is the Wolf , but I’m not sure.
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Last night I spent an hour trying to find a spider I had seen in the garage. I finally decided it looked like a fishing spider. I was getting out of my car one night and there it was right at face level , a couple of inches from me.It scared the daylights out of me. I’m sorry to say I think I killed it while knocking it down. I had no idea what it was and it was huge.It seemed to have no desire to move so I could get by.
I thought I would have nightmares after looking at so many on the computer, but I didn’t.
Today I spent a few hours cleaning the basement so i could transfer some things for storage there, guess what I was valcuming down ,spider webs. There is about an acre of land behind my house designated for a type of spider that is on the protected list and I was trying to find out what kind they are also. Needless to say this is my week for spiders, what a vacation !
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Mom, that’s kind of funny about the spiders. I’m sure it wasn’t at the time. But when I was just reading this and imagining you scouring the computer for all those spiders, I had to chuckle. Maybe the Grandmothers are trying to tell you something. 8)
ybonesy talked about a few ways to figure out your totem in her post:
What Is Your Totem Animal? (LINK)
A lot of our readers were taking the test in that post. You can also read some of the animals in the links she provides in that post. But you know mostly, it seems to be the animals, insects, birds, whatever beings have been coming in and out of your life, your dreams, consistently over time. Certain ones seem to make themselves known. Sometimes, they help me work on my fear. Maybe Spider is talking to you.
Hey, I’ve been wondering what spider it is that is endangered behind the house. If you find it on a local website or something let me know. I’m curious about that.
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I thought the Winnie Henry link was great. Sorry to just plop it in there, with no additional comment. My computer was doing a spasm, and I had the link already “copy”, so I “pasted.”
I thought everyone at RR would like her.
I like Rita, but I know I would wind up calling her Reet.
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The test said I was equally a wolf and bear, a little eagle and deer. Maybe we shouldn’t be to surprised that most of us are wolves. After all we all have something in common, we’re all on blogs and like to comment, write ,think deeply, and are trying to find our selves in one way or another.
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I just remembered that I have the Medicine Cards. I’ll have to get them out . I feel close to the Raven also. I’ve seen a lot of them in unusual places this last year. They are trying to tell me something.
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leslie, the link is great. I just read it. I liked the passages that Sharon (bloomgal) and QM highlighted. Her weavings are beautiful.
MOM, I probably have seen some of the same spider websites that you had to look through to identify the fishing spider in your garage. This fall we had a lot of one fast-running spider. I couldn’t find it anywhere. Finally I did google search on fast-running spider and it showed up. It was a Parsons spider (LINK). They get to be pretty big, but mostly they are just hard to catch. We caught a bunch and put them outside.
Aren’t those spider websites the coolest? So many beautiful spiders. I love the big yellow Orb spiders (LINK) that have huge webs. Those remind me of the Spider Woman who taught the Dine how to weave.
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YB – I love the Orb spider – so beautiful!
And Mom, I would worry about having nightmares after looking at those spiders online, too. I felt that way after looking up wolf spiders when I first ran across them.
Meanwhile, I think it’s time for me to make my own dream-catcher. I’ve been having crazy dreams.
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yb, that orb spider is beautiful. The Parsons spider a little creepy. 8)
Mom, I can see the wolf and the bear. Didn’t you used to have a wolf sweatshirt, or did I make that up? I think you’re right, too, we do all have something in common. Reading, writing, thinking about the state of things in the world and with ourselves. Reflective type people.
Sharon, it’s kind of cool because everyone seems to have at least one spider experience under their belts. It’s good to think about the way we relate to the creatures around us, big and small, wild or domestic.
Will you come back and let us know what you ended up naming your cat? And if you make that dreamcatcher, maybe you’ll post a photo on your Flickr account and let us know.
On Animal Planet the other day, I was watching a show about the way humans have interfered with the genetics of animals: cats with no hair, or stubby short legs. Same with dogs. And a lot of them, because of the alterations, are physically at risk (the short legs mean the heart can’t function as well, etc.). All this has been going on for years. But with all the human genetics research – well, you’ve got to figure, it’s just a matter of time.
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QM – I caught the teaser for that show and that is precisely why I adopt animals from the pound or rescue places. I just don’t believe that all this selective breeding is a good thing. Besides that, so many bred animals are produced and housed in horrific conditions.
I’ve known people with “pure-bred” animals, and the animals always have genetic deformities or diseases or recurring problems with their health. Shouldn’t that tell us something?
It’s like the intermarriage of royals. 😉
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I loved your essay, Sharon, the tenderness you showed for a creature usually feared. I’m very arachnaphobic, but with the emotional distances from the images, it was fascinating to hear how you developed a relationship with a black widow, and that she received your messages, even if you didn’t speak a common language.
The only spider I have a comfy relationship with are daddy longlegs (or the Oregon version of daddy longleg, a species which turns out not to be a spider at all) Mostly because they feast on other kinds of spiders, and just the sight of a big brown or hairy black spider fills me with horror. It isn’t the pain or sickness of being bitten, it’s I think a visceral fear of their shape… how they move. I’ve heard most people have this reaction to snakes, it’s kind of built into our evolutionary defense mechanisms to react instinctively to the shape and movement of a snake. I’ve never really been afraid of snakes, but always have been afraid of spiders.
Great essay.
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Thank you so much, Amuirin. I’m glad you didn’t stop reading when you found out it was SPIDERS! I kept the word spider out of the title because I feared people would run and hide.
I think the first time I considered whether to be afraid of spiders or not was when I saw a tarantula in a terrarium in a science classroom. Not sure what grade I was in, but I remember looking and looking at the big hairy spider and then feeling a bit sorry that it was trapped in there. Not that I thought it should be let out to roam the school, but rather what a small box it had for a world. That moment opened up for me that there were more choices than to fear or not to fear.
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Sharon, I also read your post & was fascinated by your relationship with the back widow spider! It was a great post & an entirely different approach to a creature that I admit not to have a fondness for. It is obvious that this spider has a connection to you.
I never gave much thought to spiders. Not until about 10 years ago when I was tending to some weeds in one of my flower gardens. I was bitten by one that I probably kneeled on & the bite was right on my shin. I brushed the spider off & continued to weed. The pain became intense & upon a second look, I saw that there was a swelling & redness in the area of the bite. I walked to the house & immediately took a benadryl & got an ice pack from the freezer. I was alone, my husband not home at the time. In no time it was the size of egg! I did not seek medical attention, however I could barelyput pressure on that leg for a week. Spiders now freak me out. D
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OK, I know I tend toward the morbid, but I once saw something on TV about the way some people are so allergic to spider venom that the venom can cause the tissues around the bite to atrophy and die. The show featured a man who lost his hand on account of a spider bite.
I think these are rare and extreme cases, and I wouldn’t want people to kill spiders on account of any alarm. Most spiders have little effect on most of us, and even many adults can handle the rare bites of the black widow and brown recluse. But I was fascinated, I have to admit, by that TV show.
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Loved the essay on the black widow spiders and your connection with them. We had several on our porch when we lived in California. I respected them and left them where they were. One other little entity I liked were the preying mantis. I was taking pictures of one with a close-up ring and I swear it posed with different angles so I could get a good shot.
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Thanks, Janice! I am getting to know the preying mantis here in NM. I never saw one until I moved here, and this fall I met a real friendly one on a roof near Los Alamos. They are awesome! I’d love to have one move in at my house and eat the aphids off my roses.
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As everyone else has said, beautiful essay! I love how you describe the spiders in your life… not as pests that need to be removed or worse, but as calm creatures that share your world.
Last summer, we had a big black spider (type unknown) living in our side door. She seemed happy there, and I was perfectly happy to leave her alone. I’d love it to be a spider haven again next year, but we’re using the door now to let the dog in and out, so I might need to create another spider retreat somewhere in the area…
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The way the praying mantis has adapted its body and life to survive is amazing. Aren’t they unusual looking? And I like where they get their name. The word mantis derives from the Greek word mantis for prophet or fortune teller. Maybe he really was posing for you, Janice. 8)
A couple of fun facts on the praying mantis from Wiki:
-One of the earliest mantis references is in the ancient Chinese dictionary Erya, which gives its attributes in poetry (representing courage and fearlessness).
-Aldous Huxley made philosophical observations about the nature of death while two mantises mated in the sight of two characters in the novel Island.
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