Dear Person Sitting Next to Me on the Plane,
Do you plan to never make eye contact? I thought I was a cold traveler, but you take the cake.
BTW, that haircut is kind of silly. It’s so David Schwimmer on Friends.
Signed,
yb
Dear Person Sitting Next to Me on the Plane,
Why did you have to take *this* middle seat? There was one available three rows up.
Wait a second, is that you who smells like garlic?? My God, did you take a bath in garlic oil?
Ah, I see. Someone packed you dinner for the ride. How nice of them. Mmm, garlic chicken. Yum. Ooo, garlic mashed potatoes. Wow, you just squeeze them out of the baggie into your mouth. That’s attractive.
P.U. I could do without the smell of steamed broccoli and cauliflower. I see you can’t.
Em, excuse me but the airline attendant is trying to pass me my peanuts. Yes, thanks. This is my dinner tonight. Not that you care.
Signed,
yb
Dear Drunk Man Sitting Next to Me on the Plane,
Don’t you think you’ve had enough to drink? I mean, they fill those glasses pretty full.
Really now, do you honestly need two Baileys-and-coffee after four glasses of red wine??
I mean it, you’d better be able to hold your liquor or I’m never sitting next to you again.
Signed,
yb
Dear Couple Sitting Next to Me on the Plane,
I take it you’re newlyweds. Sweet how you hold hands during the entire flight.
You guys are so young to spend the entire hour reading quietly like that. Gosh, you already seem to be like an old married couple.
Not that it’s any of my business.
Signed,
yb
Beautiful drawing, ybonesy. I can relate to this post, having just flown to Pennsylvania from Minnesota last Thursday. I lucked out by grabbing a last minute Exit row with plenty of room and next to two great passengers. I usually require a window seat (since I get motion sickness). But this time, I had to grab what I could get, since this was a last minute trip to PA.
The man next to me (by the window) was handsome, quiet and polite. Come to think of it, he kind of had airport hair. 8) The woman on the other side of me was from Wisconsin, heading to a food conference in Virginia. She was nice, too, and talked just enough. I sat in the middle and read my book between peeks out the window to keep my balance.
Thanks for holding down red Ravine. I’ve got a few posts I’m working on as we speak. But I’ve been loving the time with my family and haven’t had much time to write! Mom’s birthday was joyous. More to come on that one.
I’ll give you an update on Flying With Strangers after my flight back to Minnesota on Thursday. Always an adventure to travel!
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Good to hear from you, QM.
I hope the post wasn’t acting too odd while you were commenting. I can’t decide whether to include only little square images or one bigger one. I settled on the squares for now.
I thought of you when I did this post. It was tongue-in-cheek. I know you are prone to motion sickness. I wonder how you would have handled garlic man. Boy, at least it was good to realize there was a reason for his strong smell.
Glad you had (and are having) a good time with family. What a great thing to be able to surprise your mom like that. Give her a hug from me, and R3, too. And R3’s daughter.
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Ah, I’m glad you said something about the images on the post! They were acting *very* strange when I was commenting. Then when I went back, the large image was gone! POOF! {BTW, I loved the way you had it, with the large image at the top, with all the smaller ones breaking up the bottom passenger vignettes. Mostly because I like seeing the detail and color in your drawings. But I know how you like to mix it up.}
The Garlic Man would have driven me crazy! My sister was just talking last night at dinner about how every restaurant these days seems to put too much garlic in their food! Ugh, that smell.
I’ll tell my family hello for you. Though, I’ve been wanting to tell you that I’ve found out we’ve got quite a few dedicated red Ravine readers in my family. I had no idea until I came home this trip and started talking about it. They don’t all comment. But they love reading. It makes me quite happy to know that people are getting something out of red Ravine.
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[…] The Phoenix PHLOG wrote something that might interest you todayHere’s a brief breakdownFlying With Strangers & Other Anomalies Nov 13th, 2007 by ybonesy Dear Person … , Doodling, Laughing, Life, On the Road, Skies, Things That Fly, Travel | Tagged conversations […]
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That’s cool to know. Hi QM’s family 8).
Yeah, garlic is the new salt. I love garlic, but bringing in any kind of strong smell on a plane is disrespectful of others, I think. I hate sitting next to women who wear too much perfume, btw.
I’m guilty of that myself. Once I was flying to a meeting with the VP of my department. I had been wearing blue fingernail polish and didn’t have time to take it off before heading out. So I bought those little nailpolish-remover-soaked padlets from the airport convenience store, and for some reason (I was sitting in First Class, because I used to travel a lot then, on never on Southwest) I decided I should take off the nail polish while the plane was we were waiting to taxi for take-off.
OMG, don’t ever do that. They only let me stay on the plane because I really wasn’t a threat (and probably because I was a Gold Member), but they had me surrounded and gave me a dressing-down. I was in TROUBLE!
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p.s., I put it back to the original way I had the image. I liked it better that way, too.
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Well, on the new Airbus A380 those newlyweds will have a place to bed down, though staff are required to remind couples to keep the noise down.
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Coming home from Taos last year, I was sitting next to a business man who picked his nose nearly the entire flight. He was watching a spy movie on his laptop, and it must have been a nervous tic. I employed my writing practice skills, and wrote pages about him in my notebook. Unhappily, I didn’t realize he was reading while I wrote (I thought I was keeping the notebook well-blocked from view).
He became verbally threatening and creepy as we were leaving the aircraft, and started trailing me in the airport. I ducked into the women’s bathroom to regroup, and when I came out he had disappeared. I went directly to the nearest ticket counter and got a police escort luggage and then to the light rail.
Even though my pulse was racing at a dangerous speed, there was something thrilling about realizing the power of my words.
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I laughed out loud when I read the sentence that began with “Unhappily…” But whoa, then he got abusive about it? Man, that’s scary! Teri, you definitely have to turn that piece into an essay or something. I’d love to see what he read about himself.
I write about and draw people on the plane all the time. The image in this post is the guy sitting one seat away from me (middle seat empty), and I had to keep my notebook shielded and try not to keep staring at him (no wonder he wouldn’t make eye contact!), which is hard to do when you’re drawing someone live.
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ian, the particular couple that I saw would be, I’d imagine, very quiet on that Airbus A380.
BTW, is that bed available only in first class or business class?
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yb,
I’ve kept my boarding pass from that flight on my bulletin board ever since, planning. It is definitely a juicy story. I went on and on in my writing practice about how he used the nose finger to dig in his dental work, prying out the stuck pieces of cashews the flight attendant had sold him. I think this part really made his blood boil.
Do you remember that time in Taos when one of the writers read aloud all the things she had overheard people saying? We were splitting a gut. Seriously, people need to understand there are writers and artists everywhere eavesdropping and doodling. We can’t help it.
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Oh my gosh, yes, that would have made his blood boil. It must have been embarrassing when he confronted you on what you’d written! But why would he? I guess if I had been sitting somewhere picking my nose the entire flight and then saw that someone wrote about it, the last thing I’d want to do is reveal that in addition to being a chronic nose-picker, I ALSO read things not intended for my eyes.
Something, too, about planes and being in such close proximity with strangers — it’s just not normal. I mean, the smells, the sensations. It’s such an awkward activity, I think.
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Great drawing, Ybonesy. I enjoyed the letters, too. Someone on our last flight was eating food saturated in raw onions. Smelled good at first, but then began to be overpowering.
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The enforced closeness on planes just drives me nuts. I tend to go to my ‘happy place’ from the minute I sit down until the end of the flight — I stare ahead of me, and pretend I’m somewhere else altogether.
I love your story, Teri! Frightening, yet hilarious in retrospect.
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I love the drawing.
I’m curious about the man who had a packed lunch. I thought it was impossible to bring food onboard these days that wasn’t bought in the airport terminal.
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He was on my last trip, ABQ to PDX. He was the last person to get a seat. The guy on the aisle and I puffed ourselves out as big as we could (well, the guy on the aisle did — he was big) hoping no one would sit between us. Then this short, curly-haired man of about 36 picked our middle seat. It was the 7ish pm flight, non-stop, on Southwest. 2+ hours.
I swear, the guy reeked. Every time he bent down to get something from his giant shoulder bag, he reeked more. I thought the smell was coming from the back of his pants because he’d bend down (smell) bend down (smell).
As soon as the plane was up and the drink orders taken, out came all the food in ziploc baggies. I don’t know how it got through. Maybe they pulled it out at Security and verified that it was, indeed, food. Maybe he begged his way through and they let him in at the last minute, which would have accounted for him being the last guy to find a seat. Maybe he gave them his dessert. (I can’t recall a dessert, but there might have been one.)
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YB – I bet the man who followed up his many wines with Bailey’s probably had major fear of flying. I know that I am terrified of flying and only a series of drinks make me forget I am on a plane, a very unnatural place to be. I’m the kind of drinking flyer who sips and closes the old eyes and stays privately terrified. Once, flying alone to Calgary to go to a conference, I couldn’t figure out how to get out of the airport terminal, wondered around for a couple of hours and didn’t have the guts to ask for help. By the time I found my way out I had sobered up a bit. I don’t fly any more, would rather stick needles in my eye. G
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ybonesy,
I guess airplanes are the new bus. In my younger days I took a couple of LONG Greyhound trips across the USA. You come across all sort of strange, scary, and interesting people on those trips.
The new A380 would be a nightmare for me. AGGGGH I can’t image being stuck in a plane with 500 other people. A 747 trip to Hawaii was bad enough.
MM
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I wish the only flying I had to do was for pleasure, in which case I’d only be flying to places I absolutely wanted to go and were not accessible by car. Right now all my flying is for work, and I hardly do any. I used to have to fly tons. Yuck.
MM, I wouldn’t like taking a bus, because isn’t the incidence of motion sickness even greater on buses than planes? My puke phobia wouldn’t allow me to get onto a bus that goes through some windy area, for example.
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yb, this post on plane seatmates sparked a memory for me I’ll have to post about, when I’ve time, re the seatmate who most surprised me — will ping back — thanks.
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Sounds intriguing, ben!! I’ll watch for it.
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Airport Hair Man is the color of Red Velvet Cake.
Then you wrote, “I thought I was a cold traveler, but you take the cake.”
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And now that I think about it, he ordered cocoa from the airline attendant!
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Love the letters but your art is so original and looks so dense with all the squiggles in contrast to the simplicity of the overall design. You are a funny one, but your art, Y, is really unique and special.
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Thanks, tiv. I made doodling a practice about one year ago (plus one month), and while there have been some weeks I go without doing it, lately I do my art every week and most days.
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you’ve inspired me. I’d like to dedicate the following note to the man who sat in the middle seat next to me two years ago. Frankfurt to Denver.
Dear Sir,
Put your shoes back on and close your mouth when you sleep. If the flight attendant comes by again, I’d be happy to request a few tissues for you. Looks like you’re going to need them.
Your neighbor in distress,
Bun Bun
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The picture made me think of the blue guy in the second x-men movie. He looks a lot like him. Except…he’s not blue.
What very interesting travelling companions. I once sat by a guy on the plane who was reading a book I had already read., we started talking, and he was friendly and intelligent, but he started to mention his wife with greater and greater frequency in the conversation till I realized he was trying to tell me he was unavailable. I couldn’t figure out why he thought I was hitting on him, it was a very tame convo. I was a little offended, actually, thinking, is the idea of me trying to hook up with him so offensive that he has to head me off at the pass before I even flip my hair?
It took me about twenty minutes of sitting their wondering what his problem was till I realized I was holding my Jackie Collins novel open to a chapter with ‘Mile High Club’ in the heading.
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Ybonesy — you are wicked funny and I do love your doodling too. Makes me want to do it too.
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Ewww, Mary, you had to deal with his smelly feet?! On a transcontinental flight? Bless yer heart. It just gets my goat that he could care less about his hygiene and yet, someone like me takes extra precautions to not offend my seat mates.
amuirin, the Mile High Club. Ha! He probably thought you had it all planned out. Oh, I’ve read that book, isn’t it great. (hint hint) BTW, talking books and carrying around that particular chapter could be, like, the bibliophile’s approach to picking up men in airplanes.
bosquechica, you’re a pal. Go for it, oye.
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ybonsey,
What a fun post. I love these one-sided conversations with strangers. You really captured the fleeting thoughts we have when forced into closeness with the general populace. Fun drawing of weird haircut guy stuck in the nineties. Did he have his bangs gelled forward? Hasn’t he heard of the faux-hawk? 🙂
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Hi yb – I attempted to post a comment yesterday, maybe you moderate them…just to let you know I was inspired by your airport observations and wrote one of my own, from inside the locker room at the gym. Thanks for giving me the kick in the pants to write something, even if it is just a small observation. Posted on my blog, chickenlil.blogspot.com with a link back to you. See you sometime!
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Yay, I’m glad you persisted and posted a new comment. We’ve been getting a TON of spam, and every now and then one real comment gets mixed in with a list of anywhere from 40-100 spam comments. So when we go through the spam filter to make sure they’re all spam, we sometimes miss that one real comment.
Cool about the locker room conversation. HA! I can’t wait to read it. I have those conversations all the time: Hey person who has taken up all the bench space with your lotions and deodorants and hair dryers and towels and clothes…Oh, that’s me!
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mariacristina, clearly he has not heard about the faux-hawk. He had a large round head and, yes, the bangs were gelled upward. He was just fascinating looking. He fell asleep, and I kept staring at him. Then he’d wake up, I’d look away. His conversation letter would read: Dear weirdo, I can feel your eyes staring at me. STOP IT!
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LOL. Some great comments on this post. I’ve been chuckling out loud.
I just flew in from Dulles. My two brothers drove me down. We had a great 2 1/2 hour ride, even grabbed a micro cache along the way (was it in Maryland or Virginia or Pennsylvania?) Everything’s so close on the East Coast. Anyway, the security line was a mile long and way out the door today. And instead of just taking my checked bag, I had to cart it to another location, unlock my bags and leave them for the scanner, something I’d never experienced.
Before the scanning attendant would scan a bag or answer a question from a passenger, he’d first say, “Wait, how are you?” “What?” “How are you today?” he’d ask. And he wouldn’t scan your bag until you looked him in the eye and greeted him. I thought that was an interesting twist. I sat and watched each passenger respond with complete shock that he was engaging them. Good for him, I thought. He’s not invisible.
In the pre-flight phase at the gate, I sat next to 4 nurses who had just gotten back from a conference. They were funny, all heading back to Mpls, too. I also carried my lunch (orders from Amelia) but I ate the pimento cheese sandwich (yum) and Vienna Fingers before boarding. (Whew.)
The plane was packed to the gills. I was second row from the back, 21-F. The woman who sat next to me was one of the last to board and there was no room in the overheads for her hot pink carry-on. Boy, was she P.O.’ed. She started ranting about the airline, sassing back to the stewardess, and then threw her bag on the seat (between me and one of the nurses), still complaining about her luggage. I thought she might smack one of us.
I said, “Hey, easy does it, don’t take it out on us,” and she just kept ranting. I stared out the window most of the flight, then fell asleep (I hope my mouth was closed). When I woke up she was grading papers. And much calmer. After we landed (the smoothest landing I’ve ever seen), she called her husband and started the rant all over again. I wanted to say, “Honey, give it up. Life’s too short. Don’t sweat the small stuff.” But I wrote this instead. 8)
Oh, there was the standard crying baby for the last 20 minutes of the flight as we were circling to land. I think it hurts their ears. There’s always one screaming baby every flight. Overall, it was a good trip home. But flying with strangers is exhausting. Time for bed.
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[…] 16, 2007 by ombudsben ybonesy of redRavine had a post the other day about seatmates on airlines. Toward the end, it reminded me of a coincidence that happened to me once, three years after I […]
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I really noticed this when I drove around the east in ’03. Wherever you are, there’s stuff in all directions around you.
You know?
When I was in Louisville, Kentucky there was Indiana to the NW and Cincy to the east and I was headed south to Nashville, etc.
This may sound obvious, but out here on the west coast so much is north/south, and, not to diss the west or anything (as I like the west, very much) but so often the nearest … “destinations” are only in 1 or 2 directions.
I kind of enjoyed the feeling of having more options, even though I’d worked out a course in advance.
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ben, that’s true about the West Coast – everything does feel kind of up or down, north or south. There does seem to be more of a feel of things in all directions around you when you are East.
What I notice, too, is the population density. I know in Minnesota, the Twin Cities are probably denser than most anything I see in all of Pennsylvania. But in Minnesota, once you get outside of the cities, it can feel very rural. For some reason, Pennsylvania feels pretty rural to me everywhere. But there are so many more people everywhere, too.
I grew up in a kind of rural area there. It’s changed quite a bit in terms of more retail areas and new buildings. But the area near my mother still feels very rural to me. They’ve finally started developing up behind her house where we used to play. But for years and years and years it was just forest.
Part of the reason I love states like New Mexico, Montana, North Dakota is the wide open spaces…miles and miles and miles can go by without seeing a single person. I love Oregon, too, because in east Oregon, it’s desert. And in the west is the Pacific and lush forest that make you feel secluded even though Portland’s right there.
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Hey, QM, I just went back and read about your flight home. It sounds pretty tough, first of all, being so far back in the plane. And then the energy of your seatmate. The scanning attendant sounded like the kind of person an old boyfriend used to call an artist. Someone who looks at life a certain way, no matter what he (or she) is doing.
I also wanted to say that Oregon is one of my favorite states for the reasons you mentioned. Of course, I’ve not been to Montana, North Dakota, nor Minnesota, but all sound like wonderful places to live.
Oh, and I thought of you, QM, when I saw the previews to Prairie Home Companion (the trailer was on The Little Children DVD I watched yesterday). I saw The Fitzgerald (same angle, similar shot that you published on red Ravine) and Mickey’s Diner (another one you’ve published on red Ravine). Both were night shots (on the trailer) and looked completely familiar. It was a weird sensation, given that I’ve not actually seen either in person. There might have been a third scene, too, that I recognized.
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ybonesy, yes, the scanning attendant was a Peaceful Warrior. Did you ever read that book or see the movie, Way of The Peaceful Warrior? You are right, an artist, or someone present to their life, wherever they are.
It’s something Natalie has taught us, too, through some of the Zen concepts. To be present and still, even when we’re in a hurry in the check-out line and someone’s holding the whole thing up. I try to use that technique a lot, too. I used it in the security line at Dulles. It was one of the worst backups I’d seen in a security line. I tried to marvel at the architecture and the light streaming in and the pimento cheese sandwich I was going to eat if it made it through in my backpack! 8) It worked.
About the Fitzgerald, I’m flattered that my shots looked like the shots on the trailer. That must have been a strange feeling, to feel like you knew the place from the photographs on red Ravine and me writing about it. I’ve got an obsession with photographing the Fitz. I don’t know why. I just love that place.
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Yes, I know what you mean about the Twin Cities as urban and dense, surrounded by country. Minnesota is the only place I know where they use the term “out state” for the countryside.
Some terms are transferable: “the sticks”, “back east”, “down river”, “out in the hills”, or whatever. But if I say “out state” here in CA I get blank stares.
I get things backward in Oregon. The eastern part feels western to me, and the western part feels eastern — if that makes any sense at all.
Btw, yb, the custom header on my blog was taken at dawn in New Mexico a few years back. It’s a state I’ve only tarried in a few times for meals, passing through, but would like to see more of.
If only I didn’t have this pesky 8to5 job getting in the way, the things I could do …
*shrug & silly smile*
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[…] -related to post: Flying With Strangers & Other Anomalies […]
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[…] mate, nose question notwithstanding. I should have mentioned that I’m known to write about people on planes. At least I didn’t draw […]
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[…] traveling to make a person feel like a fish out of water. It’s an unnatural act, moving among strangers in airports and on airplanes. I sat next to man for two hours from Albuquerque to San Francisco and said nary a word. Not even […]
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