Dear Makers of Exceptionally Good Digital Cameras,
I write with a proposition I think you’ll find too good to pass up.
Send me one of your top-of-the-line digital cameras, and I will post on this blog unimaginable images of giant bull snakes,
wild feral turkeys, and other natural phenomena.
No, I am not a photographer by training nor a particularly excellent one. (That would be my partner in blog, QuoinMonkey.) I’m not one of those earnest and, yes, talented people on Flickr who’ve been taking shots, what?, less than a year and already get oodles of comments and awards on each photo. (I know people like that, though.
They make me sick.)
I am a writer and a doodler. A documentarian (is that a word?) of life’s big and small moments.
And a klutz.
My old digital camera — which was not really old (it would have been a year this Christmas) nor mine (a gift to my husband) — sits at the bottom of our pond. Which is murky and much deeper than I ever knew.
And stinky once you upset the lovely lily pads that float at the top.
By now, I’m certain, the camera has become an algae-covered metallic mess — the display forever corroded, and the memory card, too. Forever lost, too, are the shots of the phenomenal sunset I was photographing the evening I backed up one step too many.
Finally, I am over the trauma of doing a standing splits while black and gold koi swam under my leg, as if it were a bridge introduced for their enjoyment. I am ready to get on with my apprenticeship as a budding photographer.
I want to take shots of Baby, our pet snake, before he or she goes into hibernation. And then there’s the matter of the 11 large-sized “baby” turkeys, each of whom I’d like to shoot portraits and ask readers to submit cute turkey names
(since I’m getting sick of chasing them off the patio shouting, “Get out of here you turkey-assed turkey, and you, stupid turkey, go away!, and you, you dumb turkey, move it!”).
Time is ticking. I need your help. I am not picky. Anything over $500 retail value will suit me fine. (Note to QM: should I ask for something more expensive?) I’m a quick study, so don’t worry about all the fancy stuff none of us ever learns. I’ll figure it out.
And while you’re at it, can you let the makers of exceptional cell phones know that I dropped mine into the toilet last Sunday before I went out of town. I wouldn’t mind one of those, too.
Thanks in advance for your generosity,