What Have You Lost, Rainpainting Series, outside the Fitzgerald Theater, downtown, St. Paul, Minnesota, night of Ann Patchett, October 2007, photo © 2007 by QuoinMonkey. All rights reserved.
If you want to know someone, truly know someone, ask them about the things they have lost. No matter how long it’s been. It doesn’t matter. The things we have lost stay with us.
These are the words of Ann Patchett, author of The Magician’s Assistant, Bel Canto, Run, and Truth & Beauty: A Friendship. She wrote the memoir Truth & Beauty to grieve the loss of her friend, Lucy Grealy. The book was her grieving process.
What are the things you have lost? Have you ever lost face, your faith, time. When did you lose your virginity? What about your innocence. Did you lose your childhood, your dreams, someone close to your heart? Did you lose your keys the day you hiked the ocean cliffs of an Oregon beach and were left stranded in the dark.
Make a list of the things you have lost. Choose 1 or 2 items off of your list and do a 15 minute writing practice on each. Let yourself grieve. Take the time. What do you have to lose?
Grief is a debt you owe. After you pay, you can get to the joy.
-Ann Patchett on Talking Volumes at the Fitzgerald Theater, St. Paul, Minnesota, October 2007
-posted on red Ravine Sunday, October 28th, 2007
-related to post, The Parking Is Free
The photo reminds me of those speckled glass doors they used in high school classrooms when I was in school. Jim and I bought one to use in our old house. It was our bathroom door. Let in light but not a clear view of the image.
Really great photo, QM.
And, I’m looking forward to this topic.
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This post reminded me instantly of the first line in a beautiful poem, “Kindness,” by Naomi Shihab Nye:
Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
QM, your photo catches that dissolving quality beautifully.
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breathepeace, thank you, and that *is* a beautiful poem. It captures those heartbreaking instants when something changes in our lives and we actually do feel the future dissolve in a moment. It can be so disorienting. But luckily loss and grief are shared emotions. And none of us can escape our own death. Or even know when it will be. So strange to think about.
ybonesy, I don’t know if I remember the speckled glass doors. But I do know the translucent glass blocks that were so popular for bathroom windows in the 50’s. I get nostalgic when I see them in today. It’s kind of rare.
I think this Topic might drudge up some things, kind of like the Haunted Topic. Always fun to dig in the muck. 8)
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Identity through what’s lost…that’s a fascinating take on personality. I have to give that more thought.
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jason, I’m thinking so much of identity is formed by what one has lost. It is strange to think about. But memory seems to latch on to the lost, rather than the gained. Then some kind of loneliness ensues from the memories. And we try to fill the void by connecting to other people’s experiences of loss. Hence, all the books read about loss, grief, pain.
Ugh, way too intellectual. But I bet you get what I mean. I can tell I’m ripe to write about this topic. 8) I was lost alone in the desert in Arches Park in Utah once. But that’s a different kind of lost. Or is it?
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LOST! This can be an awful feeling. Lost in the past- Lost in the present. Not finding your way ! Lost in memories, wishing to bring them forward. Memories are your own. When you talk to someone else remembering the same instant , it is so different than your own.
When alone, lost in time, wishing for change but not knowing what to expect when we find our way and not being able to control it.
We are all lost in someway. Some in happiness, some sad, some in the past, and some in the future. This is LIFE !!
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WOW! Wise Mom.
I love the line “We are all lost in some way,” and I am struck by the fact that I am able to be lost in many of the ways you’ve listed all at once!
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Mom, ain’t it the truth! This is all LIFE. I’m glad we get to connect and write about it. If we are living on the green earth, we’re all in it together.
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Wow, what an interesting notion, perceiving character (getting to know someone) through what people select as their losses.
In the movie The Big Kahuna, character, and when and how people obtain it, comes into question. In his role, Danny DeVito says something to the effect that character develops when people have regrets.
I’ve been rolling that around in my head ever since. It doesn’t seem quite right, and yet … character is forged in those situations that beget regrets.
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[…] Lost, lost in space, lost in a world. Keys, wallets, credit cards, what are the things in my life that are lost? I’ve lost jewelry, the blue-and-white round earrings I borrowed of Dee’s. I’ve lost clothing, I couldn’t find my green sweater and later it turned up in Em’s chest of drawers. -From Topic post, WRITING TOPIC – WHAT HAVE YOU LOST. […]
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[…] I want to see on Dee’s chin the same beauty mark that belonged to Mom, find it there, as if I had never noticed that Mom lost it (of course she did, she had it burned off years ago). -NOTE: I did this writing practice with one of my writing groups. -From Topic post, WRITING TOPIC – WHAT HAVE YOU LOST. […]
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[…] -from Topic post, WRITING TOPIC – WHAT HAVE YOU LOST […]
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[…] to posts: WRITING TOPIC: WHAT HAVE YOU LOST & F. Scott Fitzgerald’s Birthday […]
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I’m perpetually lost. always looking for something, never quite finding it. Sometimes, when the woman in the cubicle next to me starts going on and on to me about her bowling scores, I look at her and think she’s lost. She certainly hasnt found herself, and we’re are in no short order on the fast track to being new found friends together. I lose faith, I lose keys, I lose my sanity, my patience, my hope. But I still can’t seem to shake my love of coffee.
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HELP! I lost my identity…as a matter of fact, it took me a long time before I realized a true identity of my own. Why? Well, first I was “Frances’ and Russell’s little girl…which one are you again, Francine or Marylin?”
Then, away at college, the comment was made, upon introduction, “Oh, yeah, you’re Donna Hodges’ sidekick, aren’t you?”
I got married and moved far away to where my husband grew up. I needed something to fill my empty, homesick days, so volunteered to help with Girl Scouts. When introduced to a woman about my age,
her mouth dropped open and she shouted, “You married Creamy? I can’t believe it!” (My huband’s family business was a Creamery.)
Then the children came and I heard, “So, you’re Johnny’s mother,”…(add to that my other four children’s names, over many years.)
I’m okay with it though, being known by association,
because I have always associated with people I love.
It was rather gratifying, though strange, that when I was finally recognized as an individual for my work, it was as an actor, playing a part, which wasn’t me, of course! But that was also okay, very much okay, as I had stepped into a new world when, ” I made my stage debut at age 52.” More important, I know who I am now, and am very comfortable with who I am. By the way, I’m very proud to reveal that I am the Mom of Liz, often mentioned by Quoinmonkey.
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I LOVE your comment. I mean, knock me off my feet!!
Yes, strange that you found yourself playing someone not you. And now an actor and a writer, too, yes?
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. Please, write with us, too. You and your writing group. If this topic appeals, follow the prompts and send us your pieces. QM can chat with you about the specifics.
So great to meet you. Liz is good folk.
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Mary – I can’t lose my taste for coffee, either. Is that called an addiction? Yet, how can something that smells that good in the morning be bad for you?
I get lost in the cubicles at my work, too. They all look alike. Ugh! I wish I’d find a possible bowling buddy.
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Marylin, wow, that’s a good story on forging an identity in relationship to other people in our lives that we love. Losing identity. And finding it again. Tough and inspiring. It’s great to have you (Liz’s Mom) on red Ravine!
ybonesy’s right…if you and your writing group choose one of our Topics and write on it, send us your practices at the address on the Submission Guidelines. We’d love to see them. (You can pull up all the Writing Topics if you click on sloWalker under Contributors,) Choose any Topic and Go!
I was reading through some old journals for a few moments last night and was thinking a lot about identity. Even my handwriting changed in each journal. Writing about identity is powerful. I guess we’re all revealing a little bit about who we are, each time we write. Or maybe that’s why we write.
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Marylin, I wanted to ask, what was the key to becoming comfortable with who you are? Was there a process or some defining moment when you decided you wanted to change. I was just curious. I know a lot of people who aren’t comfortable in their own skin.
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Mary, I don’t think I want to lose my love of coffee. My morning ritual. 8) I have a hard time when I feel lost for long periods of time. Being perpetually lost…I’d have to buy a map! I love bowling and used to be in a league. It’s a good way to get grounded. Those heavy autographed balls. I’ve had a lot of fun in bowling leagues!
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It’s not the bowling scores I hope she’d lose, it’s her desire to share them with me.
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QuoinMonkey, Gaining a sense of my identity was a long, gradual process. There were a few epiphanys along the way. (I read your query early this morning, then had to go to work, where I thought about my response.)
Gaining self confidence had a great part in becoming who I am, because I wanted to forge an identity that would be admirable and deserving of respect. In order to do this, I felt impelled to always “do my best” to earn respect. My first job, as a counselor at an exclusive, private camp for girls was challenging. I won’t go into the details here, but I gained the respect and praise of the owners and the girls. which showed me that this was the right way to go, at least for me.
When, as an upper class-woman in college, I was asked to be an advisor to fresmen, it amazed me to think anyone would value my advice, but they did. (That’s a confidence booster!)
When Liz joined the children’s theatre, “Shade Tree Players,” it was such a joy to combine my love of children & theatre, that I remained long after Liz had outgrown the troupe. Another epiphany came in a compliment from one of the young thespians, “Mrs. Schultz, you’re just a kid like us, only in a middle aged body!” We were in my station wagon, cruising across the plains to Fargo, playing word games and having a great time! It is hard to convey the gazillion decisions that had to be made while producing theatre with a traveling troupe of bright, talented young people, in towns, big and small, across a whole state! (The kids weren’t half as much trouble as the adults, the venues, the weather, etc.) This continued for many summers.
As I mentioned before, I worked up enough nerve to finally audition for a part in “Arsenic & Old Lace,” and was so surprised when a young cashier in the grocery store recognized me and said how much she enjoyed my performance.
Another glorious moment lifted me when I attended a play that Liz was in, and she mentioned me in her bio in the program. It is the affirmations of one’s value to others that give one a sense of identity…that’s what close, loving relationships bring!
The first time I was paid for a published essay, I looked at the check and whispered to myself, “someone else thinks I can write too.” I was as pleased as a child with an “A” on her paper.
Oh dear, I have indeed rambled, forgive me…guess this turned into a “practice.”
The Cody writers did their first practice on “Gratitude.”
We all enjoyed sharing the fruits of our frantic ten minutes of scribbling! I will suggest at our next meeting, that we share some on Red Ravine.
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Mary — I don’t think I’d care to get updates on bowling scores from a fellow cubicle dweller, either. You get so much unwanted info as it is. I remember one fellow who “shared” his sex talk (which he not-too-cleverly disguised as talking about a model-T — something about the crank) with me and others around him. He lost his job, eventually.
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Marylin, thanks for coming back and sharing your thoughts about what it meant for you to build confidence and strengthen your identity. It’s great that you and your group are doing writing practice. Let us know how it goes.
ybonesy, I’d take the bowling scores over the crank any day. Yeah, so much unwanted information bantered around. I wonder why people love to talk so much.
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