I want to write of ghosts, real ghosts or imagined, the kind who gently bump your backside as you brush your teeth. That happened to me in my bathroom, weeks ago now, and Jim had already shared his suspicions that a ghost lived in our house. “She’s not evil or bad,” he said as I pictured myself with fingers plugged in ears screaming so as not to hear him.
I like to believe the noise we hear most days, of the toilet flushing on its own, can be explained by pressure building up in pipes. And the times a shoe dropped from the shelf in the closet it was only because I left it perched precariously the night before.
Jim’s not afraid of the things he senses. Once he told me a bird was his brother, another his dog Roger, and now he insists she’s not anything to be afraid of, this woman who lives with us.
I try hard when I go into the bathroom to pretend she’s not real, clear my mind of any notion she might be there. But of course I always land on the fear that she’s somewhere, and I peek for her in the reflections from the heat lamp in the ceiling or try to catch her image in the mirror as my head rises from spitting water in the sink.
Or I am firm, enter the bathroom with a conciliatory tone on the brain, OK Ghost, you and me, we’re going to work this out, but I’m the new mistress of this house. You’re going to have to step aside, play a new role. You can help me keep intruders at bay or make sure I never leave the bathtub overflowing. Got it?
Even so, even when I am my most courageous, I’m not really brave. Jim can tell me all he wants that we have a good ghost, a female Casper, and still I will fear. I will worry about good and evil, about Satan and God, or worse, be flooded by all the horror flick gimmicks that still haunt me today.
Intellectually I believe this ghost of ours might be all Jim’s making, he said he once walked into the laundry room and saw a woman wearing an old-fashioned dress, or well, he saw the dress, maybe not the woman, and then he shook his head and she was gone. Intellectually, I am calmed by the knowledge that Jim’s eyesight is poor, by all the times we’ve been out driving and he’s said, Oh, there’s Mike (or Matt or whoever), but it’s not Mike, it’s not even close to Mike.
But in my heart I feel her too, and if I really open up my sensitivities, I know the truth. (Mom always said I was a sensitive girl, and now being mother to a sensitive child myself, I realize that “sensitive” really means sensing your surroundings, being able to see hurt, see pain, feel what’s happening around you even if it’s not evident at the surface.)
So what now? Does she haunt me? No, not really. I’ve spent nights alone, and besides wanting Otis and Rafael to sleep in my bedroom I’ve been calm.
I might let her stay. I say it as if I have choices in the matter. I might consult with friends who are better at this than I am. Have them talk to her. Tell her it’s time to move on. It can’t be fun being stranded on this side when surely there are people asking for her on the other side. Maybe that’s it. Figuring out a way to get her to move on. I can do that. I’m convincing when I want to be.
-related to post, WRITING TOPIC – HAUNTED
ybonesy, I didn’t know this about your house. I didn’t sense it when I was there last summer. Though the house did have a sense of being older than it was. A kind of vast feeling, like it had been built at the turn of the century. When clearly, it’s mid-century modern.
Liz and I watch Lisa Williams some nights. She’s a medium from England with great energy. She talks to spirits and tells loved ones what they say. Once in a while she’ll go to a house where a particularly disturbing presence is around. The owners ask her to look into it.
There are times when she tells them it’s okay to have the ghost around and makes agreements with them the way you talk about in your write. Other times, she works with them to cross over.
I like your insights about being sensitive kids. I was, too. And I still carry that gift or curse, however you want to look at it. It does help the writing though. 8)
It sure makes you wonder about why spirits hang around. There are different levels, too. Like I know my grandmother is with me all the time. But that’s different than having a spirit I don’t know inhabit my house. You know what I mean?
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Yeah, see, my other friend who is sensitive to ghosts hasn’t felt anything but goodness in our home. So, either she’s there and she’s good, as Jim says. Or she’s not there. Either way, as long as she’s nice, I’m OK. Kind of. Although my preference is to have no ghost.
I do know what you mean (about your grandmother’s spirit being different than, say, a ghost). All different ways of being haunted.
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Ybonesy, thanks for sharing your ghost story. It actually made me feel a little less concerned about the strange noises and moved stuff going on in my bathroom.
QuoinMonkey, I get the thing about familiar versus unfamiliar spirits, too. I had a cat who lived to be 18. About a week after she died, either she came back or I spent some time hallucinating. Whichever the case may be, it wasn’t a disturbing experience.
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yb, my house was built in 1964. It’s a simple tract home…but it’s by the beach…and it’s the only true home I’ve ever known. We bought it from the Daughter of the Owner’s…both who had died in the house, one at Thanksgiving time and the other at Christmas…both were very close.
We couldn’t afford this house but I wanted it so very badly. I would get up early and drive 5 miles each day…just to sit in my car, look at it and wish. At night I would wait for it to come on the cable channel (they used to show homes for sale on cable). I knew it was sitting…empty and unloved and had been for 9 months… there had been several offers…but none had ever been taken.
One night I couldn’t sleep, and I sat up again, watching…and the house came up…and the price dropped right before my eyes… to something I thought we could scratch by… with a prayer. I called the Realtor at 7am and said we want it! She said she hadn’t even heard of the drop in price yet!
When we moved in, I found a beautiful letter from the Daughter, telling us about the house she had grown up in and about her Father and Mother. She was certain we were the ones that would live a long, happy life in it and take care of it…as her Father and Mother had. She said her Father came everyday while it was being built and drove the builders crazy…checking all their work.
It’s been 15 years now…I know both their names. I also know their loving spirit is here and I never do anything to the house until I tell Ralph and Ruth about it (out loud). I respect their memory and they seem to be ok with what we’ve done so far. I truly believe they were waiting us and that it was meant to be. I’m not afraid…I find a comfort knowing they’re here and they accepted us.
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How rather wonderful to have your very own maybe-ghost! If she does trouble you, or if you want to make agreements with her about which space is yours and which is hers, many pagans and Wiccans have ceremonies/communications they can perform in your house, or teach you how to perform. These are usually very gentle rituals involving herbs, candles, etc.
It’s actually a thriving business here in Portland,where many people do something called a “space clearing” before moving into a new house, in order to remove lingering energy from the previous owner.
Based on your writings about him,I’d say your husband is an extraordinarily endearing fellow.
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sam, it’s interesting that the thing you’ve noticed lately in your bathroom is something new. You’ve lived there a long time, no?, and yet, now you’re starting to feel something going on. But, talking to friends who are not afraid of this as much as I am, they’ve said that things can change in a house and spirits can come and go.
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That is a cool story about your home, Heather! Yes, you and that home are meant to be. And I do believe that homes take on a certain significance for some owners, such that their spirits are embued there. I have a strong feeling that the ghost in our home is a former owner who is concerned about her beloved home. So part of what I need to do, I think, is soothe that concern. Let her know that I love this place, too. And show her that is so.
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I like this term “maybe-ghost.” Yes, that’s what I have. A maybe-ghost.
Funny you should mention the clearing rituals, David, because last night at a birthday party for all my October birthday friends, we had a conversation about our maybe-ghost and about other people’s for-sure-ghosts, and we talked about cleansing rituals. For all that lingering energy, to make the home our very own. I really think I’m going to do that; invite some of these friends over to help me go through that, since, of course, in my Catholic mind I have great fear of invoking any sort of spirits or powers myself. (Which is why I am so resistant to the maybe-ghost to begin with.)
Yes, and concerning Jim, he’s a good fellow. We have our issues, for sure, but he’s a good heart.
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“Issues”…a very civilized term to use when Mike and I are working on something together… I will probably be having some in the next hour…;)
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: – ).
It’s a corporate term, one of the few I like.
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I’ll have to write about my father’s ghost someday. Its real, its there, but I am poaching bandwidth right now…
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I think we all have maybe-ghosts.
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Heather, that’s a cool story about your house. You waited, you believed, you did the footwork, now it’s a reality. You’re also respectful of the history and spirit of the house. What a gift for Ralph, Ruth, and daughter.
sam, your familiar versus unfamiliar reminded me of the Alice Walker book, The Temple of My Familiar. I had forgotten about that the term, familiar. I like knowing there are spirits that move along with us in the world. Especially this time of year..the veil is thin.
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Ah yes, maybe-ghosts. I like maybe-ghost stories. For-sure-ghost stories always make me nervous… not because of the ghost factor, but because of the overwhelming certainty of the storyteller. I’m never that sure about things I can see, let alone invisible things!
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