I notice in the blog world there are those who do and those who don’t. Those who write using their real names. Post photos of themselves and their children. Tell us what cities they live in and when they’re out of town. Those who give “the internet” almost all the pieces of the puzzle.
Then there are people like me. I tell you where I’m from, who my family members are and some of what we’ve been doing. I say when I’m feeling down and why. I write about my past, and I post photos of things I see day-to-day. But I don’t divulge my name, and I don’t show you what I look like or what my kids look like.
As long as I hold some things back, I’m free to reveal others. It’s a balancing act. And it’s unique to blogs, I think, and unique to this blog, for which I am a principal “character.” If I were to write an article for a magazine, I would use my real name. Same if I were to write a book. But right now, maintaining this blog day-to-day, I’m not there.
And when it comes to my kids, I might never get there. Some children I’ve seen so many times on their parents’ blogs that if I saw the kid at a grocery store, I’d be able to say, “Hey, you’re so-and-so from xyz blog.” That’s kind of scary. I mean, who am I from Adam and how do those parents know I’m not so unstable that I might just do something harmful? (I wouldn’t. I would never harm anyone unless in self-defense, in which case, watch out!)
There’s something about the immediacy of blogs and the intimacy they seem to require to gain a following, that begs the question, Who’s reading our blogs? And how do we know all those people are just as harmless as I am? So, why take a chance?
QM and I laid out our boundaries when we launched red Ravine. We give a lot; we don’t give it all. Since then, no one has asked me to give any more than I do already; yet, I wonder about this as each week passes. I continue to test the limits.
Where all this is leading is, I want to hear from other bloggers. What about you? Where do you draw the line?
–What’s In and What’s Out, asters coming through the fence
at home, Albuquerque’s Rio Grande Valley, September 2007,
photo © 2007 by ybonesy. All rights reserved.
Honestly, I don’t draw too many lines. I posted something once about a friend doing something that could’ve gotten her into some trouble, and ended up clicking “edit” about a half-second after I’d clicked “save”. It was a case of not thinking, rather than malice. I guess that’s where my line is, though: just this side of causing trouble. The ‘net doesn’t scare me much. (The phone, however, is a different story.)
Lovely photo, by the way. I had to look at it a few times to figure out that the misty look wasn’t an edit.
LikeLike
Anonymity gives such freedom. You can say those things that you can’t share with even your nearest and dearest. It gives you the freedom to err and experiment without self-consciousness as well. And to know people on a different, and in some ways, more intimate level.
And you’re right… not everyone out there really wants the best for you, even if the majority does. I would never risk giving identifying information about my family on the Internet. It would be nice to think that would be possible, but it just isn’t, in my opinion.
Here’s something else to consider… when you see those blogs where people give their real names and identifying information… do you ever wonder if they have another “secret” blog somewhere, so that they too have an anonymous place to write freely? I think many of us exist in more than one identity in the “blog world”.
LikeLike
yb, great angle and composition on this photograph. I love it. Is that the sun on the left side, catching your lens? At first, I thought it was a churn of dust on the road.
Yes, I remember the discussion we had about how much to reveal before we launched red Ravine. And whether to use our real names. Quite lengthy and detailed. It was around the time all that hoopla was going on in blog world about a few irresponsible high profile bloggers who were trashing a fellow blogger (who did reveal her name) just for fun. Posting crude, doctored photographs of her, and overall, attacking her character. I think that was around the time we decided, it wasn’t worth it to take the risk.
All that said, I find I am liking the blog without a lot of “real” people shots on it. I love your doodles. And I tend to like graphics anyway. I don’t post any individual people photographs out in public in my Flckr account either. Only to family and friends. The only people are a few Fair crowd shots that seemed okay.
Some of this is personal preference. The rest…it’s individual. It’s a subject I think about a lot. But in the end, I like the way you put it: QM and I laid out our boundaries when we launched red Ravine. We give a lot; we don’t give it all.
LikeLike
I thought about this as well. I asked myself a few questions:
Do I post pics or not?
Does it matter?
Who wants to kill me and why? 🙂
Am I that important that someone wants to harm me?
Now i’m sure that if someone really wanted to…REALLY wanted to…they could find out all about you from your blog, your IP address, get your phone number, address etc.
Ok…so people know live in NH. Now what? I drive in Massachusetts all the time and they all know I’m from New Hampshire because of my license plates. I suppose they could follow me to my house…but why would they?
I’m sure there are a lot of wack jobs out there reading blogs…but for the most part…I doubt they want to slog through my ‘literature’ posts or my ‘mundane’ posts to find a picture of me and my kid.
Maybe, but not likely.
I’m probably in more danger driving to the grocery store.
I remember visiting one fellows blog a while back. He was very adamant in his ‘about’ blurb that he wanted to maintain his privacy, no names, no home towns, no nothing.
And that’s what I felt about his blog.
Nothing.
How do I connect to ‘nothing’. I need something.
Do you think it’s simply a matter of being afraid to reveal ourselves? Afraid of rejection?
peace,
P
LikeLike
Wow, this photograph is so appealing. I’d like to be walking in that irrigation ditch myself. I can tell by the apparel of the child that it is still Summer warm in New Mexico. Not so much up here in the northland. Lucky you.
LikeLike
P, you bring up a lot of good points. Perhaps we are in more danger going to the grocery store. But somehow I don’t think we have to be that important for someone to want to harm us. Much harm against people is random. Or done by those who are closest.
I like how you put this:
I remember visiting one fellows blog a while back. He was very adamant in his ‘about’ blurb that he wanted to maintain his privacy, no names, no home towns, no nothing.
And that’s what I felt about his blog.
Nothing.
How do I connect to ‘nothing’. I need something.
It’s true. I visit and read blogs where people are taking some amount of emotional risk. I have to have something to connect to.
Maybe part of the need for privacy is a fear of rejection. But I tend to think some of the fear is real. There are too many weirdos out there. And a lot of stalking is aimed at women. I wonder if women have a different view of this? Not sure. Thanks for your thoughtful comment.
LikeLike
Sinclair, it’s quite cold in my neck of the woods. Whew! A frosty covering on the deck plants today. And late last night, the heat kicked on by itself. Were we shocked. It was about 64 in here. But, at last, the heat is on!
It’s supposed to get back up to 80 in a few days. And that’s the nature of Fall in Minnesota. Still, this is one of the coldest Falls in a while. What I love about September here though is that it is the month with the most number of clear days. It’s been sunny and windy and clear. Delightful.
LikeLike
I have changed names of everyone I write about, even my own. I have been at it since 2004 and yet I have never used a picture with a face in it or the front of my house. I make sure the plates on my car are hidden and all reflections in windows and car panels are blurred. I only recently have given actual city names. Reading the comments above, I see many share my ideas about anonymit…it dose give you freedom …. freedom to see life from a third person in a way. I appreciate life much more once I step back from it.
LikeLike
Hey, it also gave you the opportunity to pick a great pseudonym for yourself!
I think I am over-protective. It’s also my mom’s voice of caution, the same one that kept me afraid of edges and bridges.
There is some truth to what you say about fear of rejection, P. It’s weird…I take fewer risks in some respects and more in other respects due to anonymity. Creatively speaking, I feel a huge amount of freedom as ybonesy. Maybe not so without that cover.
QM: the misty effect of the photo was on account of dust and light. A car had just gone down the dirt road, plus the sun was low on the horizon, coming in from the left, as you thought. You were right on both counts.
And yep, still warm in NM. Cool at nights, but hitting high 80s/low 90s in the day. Gorgeous time of year.
LikeLike
That little child in the pink sleeveless blouse could be me or a view of my sister walking in a ditch of clayey soil over 50 years ago on the other side of the world – it is so wonderful to poke along in such places, even these days. This is a good photo, the range of textures is wonderful as is the contrast of filmy light, bright light and deep shade.
As to anonymity in blogging, a face is not essential, nor a specific name or place, we can all interpret cues and clues written or stated and we can make educated guesses about the persons whose writings we find compelling or whose writings might be disturbing in some way. I have learned to trust my gut about a lot of things, but would rather err on the side of caution than not on the internet. Still I am reticent in writing about some things in this medium, and am not overly bothered to operate in this way.
G
LikeLike
Hi ybonesy,
I have a question to ask.
In case you decide (with all your guts collected!) not to hold back even one single thing….
What worse is going to happen?
Will you tell me?
LikeLike
First and foremost…love the shot yb. Your best so far.
As for the blog…it’s funny thing. If you were to meet me on the street, I’m a very private person. I’d say hello, probably say something funny, then quickly go away…there’s no “small talk” in this girl.
On the blog, I open up about stuff that swirls around in my head and I give away just enough to make the reader understand my quirks and hopefully entertain someone in the bargain. I started my blog because of family and friends that live far away now. I wanted to have some connection to them.
The first “stranger” that made a comment on the blog actually gave me a very good critique on 3 photographs…and it went on from there. I really do enjoy hearing from everyone.
I’ve been very lucky so far. Only one suspicious reader that was easily deleted. It never really worried me. But I am glad of the blocking capability set up so that every comment is approved before it’s seen unless it’s someone that’s already approved.
Am I worried I might give away too much? Heck, I’m more worried about nosy neighbors stalking me! 😉
But as Suburban Life so rightly said…better to error on the side of caution when dealing with the net.
LikeLike
This was a very interesting post to ponder. My own thoughts on the subject haven’t really been thoughts so much as feelings. I’ve sought to build a blog community with people who I trust on some level, people that strike me as good people. I could be wrong about that, but I notice that seeking an environment of respectful exchange has seemed to create that environment.
I feel good about all the ‘regulars’ on my list, and because it’s such a stable community, I am more open than I probably would be if I thought analytically about my words going out for anyone to read. They are accessible to the internet, but so far the tone seems to have discouraged any unwanted attention. Isn’t that odd? It’s easy to see how a strong network would discourage predators/weirdos in the real world but it’s kinda fascinating that that would be true on the net.
Anyway, if I *feel* a desire to know someone better than on the blogs, I’ll write them in e-mail so the blogs maintain a certain level of respectful distance. That feels safer. Relationships seem to evolve naturally from this pattern.
LikeLike
I strike about the same balance you do. I never refer to my wife or daughter by name, never show their faces, and the only photo I have shown of myself is 15 years old. I blog sometimes about controversial subjects, and that has attracted some weirdos already – neo-nazis mostly. My first name is out there and the city I live in, but that’s about it. If they want to find me, they’ll have to work for it. I think every blogger should have an unlisted address and phone number.
I am always a bit put off by blogs that show everything. It’s kind of creepy in a way, and not just for the possible stalking factor. For example, there’s this blogger called German Diary in Cologne, Germany who refers to his little boy as “his holiness” and puts up photos of him and everything – I find it over the top and wonder if one day the kid will resent it.
LikeLike
No, G B SINGH, with all my guts collected, I wouldn’t : – ).
OMG, speaking of nosy neighbors, we have one set who wants to convert us, and since my husband got into an argument with them that went something like “Look, you guys seem like nice people, but I have absolutely no interest in attending your church or talking to you about my beliefs!” they’ve become so distant. They don’t even wave any more. And the other day, during Dee’s birthday party on the patio, the woman was standing on the road trying to see what was going on at our house. I passed her in my car on the way to pick up pizza, and she acted like she was looking at a bug or something. Yes, she is a bit of a danger!
Totally agree and am amazed that the net can provide a sense of security insofar the regulars and community turn out. You have, btw amuirin, a most interesting group of regulars — very eclectic and politically diverse. It’s interesting, and I think it’s kind of cool that you can host a party where so many different folks can get along.
letters — i saw some of those weirdos on your posts when you were taking on the topic of that particular racist event in the German village. Of course, that was bold of you to take on, and it does seem the more we take risks in our own content, the more we open ourselves up to people on the extreme. But what I’d wonder about is, were they out there lurking all along or did they do a search that led them to you one time.
LikeLike
OMG, yb…that’s so funny to me. Pat your Hubby on the back. I took care of my own converters a few years back. One year… I invited all 6 of them into my home close to Halloween…on purpose of course. They took one look around, stopped in mid sentence and left real quick. I’m just sure they thought I was some sort of devil worship person well beyond conversion. I got the biggest chuckle out of that… I’m just a constant source of mystery and confusion to my neighbors. I’ve been known to spin a story just to see how far it rolls!
Reminds me of a Jane Austen quote from her Pride and Prejudice book…”For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors, and laugh at them in our turn?”
I’ve got a really nice, giant gargoyle with rather large wings that could ride around in your back seat like a dog. You’re girls would love him. Say the word and I can send Archibald to you…But you’d have to take a photo cause I would just have to see her face. 😉
LikeLike
Shortly after I began blogging, which isn’t too long ago, I wrote this post…
I do have an exhibitionist streak in me, but then an art show IS called an EXHIBIT, yes?
Because I am in the business of “self promotion”, I have to let people know my name and ‘numbers’.
I don’t go out of my way to say my family’s names, and if my sister ever says I’m fibbing about her, I’ll deny, deny, deny!
Keeping in mind that it is a “world wide web”, and that we are emmisaries of our cutures and our mores, I think respectfulness and manners trump any other behavior.
I love Red Ravine because it takes itself seriously, in a very comfortable, relaxed manner. It is always a pleasure to visit here.
LikeLike
That was a great post, leslie. It set the tone for your blog right from the start. (I also love the word “glom.” You reminded me that I want to use it a lot more often!)
LikeLike
Ah… I usually try to make it so that you have to click the links to see photos of me. I do try to remain known as the Lone Beader, but now that my work has been published several times, everyone knows my name, and where I live, etc… It doesn’t bother me… The fact is, if someone really wants to find out who you are, they can. The internet contains no secrets.
It’s kinda like my ‘Car Door Theory’. If you always lock your car, someone will break your window to get in and steal it. If you always leave your doors unlocked, they won’t break the window, and when you get your car back, that’s one less thing you have to pay to get repaired… LOL.
LikeLike
leslie, thanks for pointing us to your post. You put some thought into it, too, from the beginning and I love the couch idea. It IS a lot like that. I especially like this in your comment:
Keeping in mind that it is a “world wide web”, and that we are emissaries of our cultures and our mores, I think respectfulness and manners trump any other behavior.
I think that says it all. Oh, and your comment about red Ravine is much appreciated. I always love when you visit.
LikeLike
LB, your “Car Door Theory” makes me smile. You are so right in that there are always two camps on locking the car door: the Lockers and the Non-Lockers. Perhaps it used to be (or maybe still is?) the same with house doors. I’m not sure these days.
I fall into the “Lockers” camp and am always amazed at those who trust enough to leave everything open. Perhaps that carries over into the blog, too. All those issues about safety, and fear, and protectiveness. It’s been good to read all the schools of thought in the comments on this post.
LikeLike
I’ve tried to stay somewhat anonymous but anyone who knew of Mimbres Man back in the 90’s, might know who I am. In my blog, when I post, is somewhat fluffy. I don’t try to make a statement. My by-line is: This is a blog about my stuff.
I am not too interested in politics or saving the earth. Though it would be nice to have a clean planet, but its not going to happen through blogging.
I like stuff like bicycles, goofy science, traveling and sea kayaks. I don’t know in what order, but usually bicycle related stuff takes the #1 spot because that’s really what occupies a big chunk of my brain (which I still find that perplexing).
I guess I can say, I blog by accident.
LikeLike
That’s a good tagline…Mimbres Man, I blog by accident, and other stuff. (smile)
It makes sense that people who have personal blogs tend to keep things anonymous, while those who sell art and/or professional services tend to use their own names. red Ravine isn’t solely a personal blog, which might account for my sometimes split personality on the matter.
LikeLike
LB — I didn’t even know you had links to photos of you. Hmm, I’ll have to check you out ; – ).
LikeLike
I don’t have my own blog and when I started responding to this blog decided to maintain some level of anonymity ergo I am R3 instead of ____.
I think that in blogging or commenting on a blog you run the risk of being judged by your opinion on a particular subject. If I mention a controversial subject and play around with all of the nuances of that subject to see where it will take me and the other readers while not really be revealing my true belief on that subject under my “real” name I run the risk of having to explain my stand to those who know me.
If I put something out there that is contrary to how people see me then I might change their perception of me. This brings a high cost if I value their opinion because I will fell obligated to explain myself (even if I don’t want to). The blogging moniker can become my alter ego allowing me to explore the world from behind the mask. Being R3 allows me to be more open and to experiment with seeing the world as someone who does not have to account for his thoughts to those who think he is someone else.
As I write this I am reminded of the last time I played the game Scruples with my family. I answered a question honestly and was challenged on it one of my siblings. I defended my response and when the family voted they thought I was not being truthful. It was at that time that I realized that the person my family thought I was and who I knew myself to be were two different people and I had to decide which persona I wanted to preserve.
Now if I can only remember the question we disagreed on . . .
LikeLike
Yeah, now I’m curious, too, what that question might have been.
You brought up a good point, which is, we can also be anonymous commenters on blogs, too. And lots of good reasons for wanting to use an alias as someone sharing an opinion. Touches on the “risk-taking” side that aliases open up for some of us.
JoeFelso, btw, did a great post (link) on aliases as they relate to a lot of things: protection, anonymity, ego (or getting credit for what you write), and community/intimacy as one’s online community deepens. All good food for thought.
LikeLike
R3, you made good points about family – well, about anyone – does anyone ever know who we really are? There is also the point that we (hopefully) change. Our families have known us our whole lives, from infancy on. And have these notions of who we are from when they lived with us as kids. I think as adults we change – and may not be the people we were before. Yet our family might have this idea that we still think a certain way.
ybonesy, thanks for pointing to JoeFelso’s post. It’s a good read and brings up the point about ego. Sometimes I think we all want to put our names on a good piece of writing, drawing, or photograph. Yet here, many of us remain anonymous. That can be hard sometimes. You do have to let go of a certain amount of ego. I’m going to keep pondering some of JoeFelso’s points.
LikeLike
[…] Filed under: introspection, rationalization — pmousse @ 5:50 pm Ybonesy, over on red Ravine, wrote about anonymity in blogging. The topic is endlessly fascinating to bloggers, I think. […]
LikeLike
I just read the pamplemousse post on Anonymity and it brings up some other good points about protecting those close to us. And also on creating a space for exploration and freedom – an online room of one’s one. I’m enjoying reading all the great posts on blogging identities. I have a lot to think about.
LikeLike
Hi guys — yeah, I’ve been thrashing through that name vs anonymity thing for months now. I think I’ve decided to keep my own name for fiction, but use my new name for non-fiction. There seems to be some shame for me, I don’t know what it is, in being open. Wishing I was clear and well-defined, the illusion that words can create.
Back years ago, I used to get the gentle strength card in the tarot (a young woman opens a lion’s mouth with her bare hands) whenever I read for myself. This always gave me the feeling that I could be strong and open and change things with the lightest touch. That seems more difficult to me now. But I still feel drawn to the image and to the idea of pursuing that openness in my life and my writing.
Nice discussion. Thought provoking. Thanks!
LikeLike
There is some shame for me, too, I realize. A lot of people know me, know my real identity. Friends who read, or acquaintances. I sometimes feel odd revealing as much as do knowing that I’m not *really* anonymous. And then I think, Why so important to be so invisible? (You should read our interview with Rob Wilder. Maybe that’s what hit me about his latest book — how bold he is in being himself.)
I do think that for the time being, you’ve struck a balance by using your name for fiction, not for non.
LikeLike
This is something I have really thought about a lot lately. My son has had many articles (photos included) written about him in the newspaper, websites and also has been featured on TV news. One day I decided to google his first & last name and wasy really shocked to see all the articles and photos featuring him. I wanted to call the people who posted the article to get him removed, but then I remembered that he is a strong advocate for a disease he was diagnosed with which has no cure. His articles reach and educate a lot of people. I think this is why I tend to post many photos of my son on my website including using his real name. However, just latley, I have been posting less photos of him and when I do, I don’t display his entire face. I have also started changing the privacy settings to allow only family and friends to view the photos which are already posted.
Thank you for writing this article and reminding me to protect myself while on the net.
LikeLike
I can see why you need to balance in his case. The fact that he’s a real person, a child with a name and a face — all make him a stronger advocate. People fall in love with him. And ultimately, it helps him and every other kid with his disease.
You do, then, have to take the extra precautions, but I also just realized there are probably way more strangers who’d protect him versus hurt him.
LikeLike
[…] Name Game. Many of us don’t use our real names on our blogs. Others do. But we don’t have to reveal our birth names to talk about where they came […]
LikeLike