So much to not love, the taking care of kids, for one. Yes, I have kids now. Yes, I love them, I love them so much that I really understand for once those corny words to the Tina Turner song, Love Hurts. But man, it’s hard taking care of kids. I want to be alone, and kids are kind of easy to get away from. You set them up with a television and video, Beauty and the Beast, let’s say, and wa-la. You’re alone.
Even then, even at that early age I wanted solitude. I liked sitting in Mrs. B.’s sewing room. Mrs. B. was a precursor to Martha Stewart. If you think about it, the whole late 1970s was that time when women broke out of the kitchen and into crafts. It was a new kind of creative time for women. For suburban women, like Mrs. B.
She stayed home, cooked and brought up the kids. But she did it with a sewing room of her own. She had plastic bins, all the scissors of different sizes and with zig-zag blades and sharp straight blades and curvy blades, all in one of the bins. Fabrics and fabric scraps. Spools of thread. Those I loved the most. Looking at her spools of thread.
I liked being at her house during the day, the kids outside in the sandbox with pails and shovels. Sometimes I’d put on the sprinkler and just let them go. They had a little swimming pool. I wouldn’t even stay outside and watch them. I knew in the back of my mind I was being reckless, but still, the sewing room was too big a draw. It had powers, that room.
Sometimes I think there was a part of me that formed while I was in that house. It was shaped like a U with square edges. A modern home, glass windows all on the interior of the U facing a courtyard. Mr. B. was from Lebanon; he looked exactly like the main character in the sitcom Taxi. One time I asked my parents if the B.’s were lesbian. My brother burst out laughing. Do you mean Lebanese?
You spend time, alone time in a house, a small child really, waif-like. I was so skinny I was like vapor, and vapor I seemed, steaming in and out of this room and that room. Lifting lids, letting secrets escape. It’s funny. My last write I talked all about what I didn’t love about babysitting. This one I seem to have found something that made it all OK.