Can’t Sleep, April 7th, 2007, Minneapolis, Minnesota, all photos © 2007-2008 by QuoinMonkey, all rights reserved.
I stayed up writing until 4am last night. I recognize the state of mind as one of my creative zones. It’s also a lonesome place where I live in the heart of darkness and pulpy gray brain matter. Thoughts, feeling, and ruminations move in and out of cerebral spaces. But the body takes a back seat. I feel sleep deprived.
According to a Blogcritics Magazine HBO link, Wide Awake: Portrait of an Insomniac, I’m not the only one. Chronic sleep deprivation affects more than 100 million Americans.
Wide Awake is the latest from documentary film maker and lifelong insomniac, Alan Berliner. In the film that had its premier at the 2006 Sundance Film Festival, Berliner himself is the case study. There is a great interview on his process around creativity and sleep deprivation as a way of life at Wide Awake – Interview with Alan Berliner.
The creative insomniac zone is a familiar place to me. I spent a lot of time there when I was in art school, up all hours of the day and night, processing, mapping, printing, developing photographs on night watch in the darkroom. Neighborhoods surrounding the South Minneapolis campus would be sound asleep. But inside the heart of art world – students would be buzzing with creativity.
Berliner talks in the interview about how, for good or for bad, creative structure developed around his sleep deprivation:
Eventually it occurred to me that there was no point in lying awake in bed, tossing and turning every night, so I started delaying the time I went to bed until later and later. By the time I reached my late 20s and early 30s, I sometimes found myself going to sleep after the sun had risen in the early morning. I had become a true “night owl.” That way of life became an important part of developing a sense of myself as an artist and filmmaker, because I discovered that I do my best work at night. In fact, all my films have been made at night, when almost everyone else I know is sleeping.
He also discusses another jolting realization of a timeless unreality sapping us of sleep – computers:
You can go back to Edison’s invention of the lightbulb, which completely changed our relationship to time. By blurring our distinction between day and night, it opened up the night as a time for work and for play. A full night’s sleep has now become just one of many options. Now take that lightbulb and shrink it down to the size of a pixel, multiply it by whatever factor it takes to fill your computer screen, and now you have another far-reaching revolution in cultural sleep patterns. That computer can take you anywhere, anyplace, anytime, day or night. It’s a portal to timelessness. And whether we live in cities or in rural areas, it’s keeping us awake and away from our beds more than ever.
I don’t get a chance to dwell in sleeplessness for long. My life’s very different than it was when I was staying up all night completing art installations, or knee-deep in papermaking studio water, filled with cattails. And I have found that I love to sleep and feel rested.
But when I get into the writing and creative zone (like I was this weekend) nothing deters me. I get so much accomplished. Then suffer on the backend. I have to say, I prefer more balance. But sometimes it’s heaven to be able to visit that dreamless place with the gods of the sleepless.
Are you among the sleep deprived and sleepless creatives? Maybe Berliner’s documentary is the film that will wake you up.
Wide Awake premiers Wednesday, May 23rd at 8pm.
But there’s a special Insomniac Premiere on Tuesday, May 22nd at 1:30am.
Sweet Dreams.
Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007
QM,
You ever get into those dreamy states when you are writing? In athletics it is called Flo. It happens to me quite a bit when cycling. I am just dreaming along while riding and suddenly I am somewhere else. I’d like to get there with writing because I have so many unusual and strange experiences from everyday life. My students are always crying for the “Crazy Lady” story. They love that one, but I won’t tell it anymore. I am saving that one as a screen-play for Hollywood.
MM
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MM: yes, I do get into those dreamy states when I write. If I give myself space for them. I love them because there is a timelessness to creative spaces like that. At the same time, you can come out of them hours later thinking – what did I get done today? It is sometimes strange to only have a story to show. Or a few pages to a chapter.
I haven’t felt that in athletics in quite a while. I used to though. That kind of runner’s high. Lots of good chemicals being stirred up. I think it’s that way with creative juices, too. The chemicals in the brain get all stirred up.
I wonder if Berliner talks about brain chemistry in his documentary? So many people have trouble with sleep patterns.
The Crazy Lady story, eh? Now I’m intrigued. Guess I’ll have to see your Hollywood version when it comes out. BTW, everyday life IS strange and unusual. I think it’s just that some people are better at noticing and capturing the details of the strangeness.
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Hey, QM, I wonder if Alan Berliner has seen your post. He’s a friend and colleague of mine here in New York. In fact, the last time I saw him was in Park City, Utah when he was showing the film at Sundance. I might give him a shout to check this out. 🙂
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I think ybonesy knows about the Crazy Lady.
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Barbara: Thank you, that would be great. When I read his interview and saw the few stills provided, it captured my interest. I think documentary film has a strong place in art and society because of the way it has a chance to change public awareness in real life/real time. It must have been wonderful to attend Sundance. If you have any insights, we’d love to hear them.
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[…] by ybonesy Every now and then QuionMonkey adds a new link on our blogroll after she’s been up until 4 in the morning. I click on it, find she has exquisite taste in blogs, and then start sending her emails about what […]
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It’s 3 a.m., I’ve been awake for 2 hours, tossing and turning. I remembered this post, and find great comfort in it sitting here in the dark. Though typically a fabulous sleeper, I go through these periods of sleeplessness. Last week in South Dakota, I slept deeply nine hours every night. Now I can’t sleep through the night for love nor money. I sense something trying to shift in me, keeping my body and mind too alert to rest. Or, maybe I’m just trying to sound glamourous and artistic when I wish I was alseep.
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Ha, I love that: trying to sound glamorous and artistic when I wish I was asleep. I wonder if the sleeplessness has something to do with those retreats and what they bring up or shift in you.
I had a sleepless night, too. Mon and Tues I had the house all to myself and worried I’d be scared stiff, yet I wasn’t. And then last night I kept waking up to different sounds. We think we have a bird or racoon or pack rat up in the attic.
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Sinclair, sleep is a fickle thing. I slept like a log over the last few weeks in Georgia and PA. And since I’ve been home, I’ve been trying to play catch up. But there are nights when I toss and turn and you are right – there is usually something brewing inside, some shift happening. Or else I’m worried about something in the future.
I’m glad you found comfort here. Maybe it’s a creative shift and the muse is just too excited to let you sleep.
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ybonesy, when I moved in with Liz last December, it took me a long time to get used to the new house noises. When she was in Wyoming a few weeks ago, I was especially in tune with them. I’ve kind of gotten to know them now. We also have the little critters running around that I didn’t have in the city. Their noises sound SO LOUD at night when everything is quiet. It’s kind of like camping when I always think a bear is lurking outside the tent. 8)
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I, too, experience this insomnia on occasion. But, I end up squandering the creative opportunity by worrying how I’m going to function at work the next day. So, not only do I not sleep, I don’t do anything productive with the time. I wish I could just channel it into writing or drawing, instead of worrying.
But what’s crazy is, if anyone were to ask me what is my favorite pastime, I would answer sleeping. I crave it.
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It’s surprising to me that we sleep so well in the thick of data collecting and traveling and other things outside our normal routine. Then, when we get back to our normal life, our own bed, our own car…then, we are staring at the clock at 2 in the morning.
I just finished Farenheit 451, and dug up an old video interview that Ray Bradbury gave about his writing process. He said, “In the end, it just comes down to me, my typewriter, and the future.” I’ll bet it wasn’t all done during daylight hours, either. By the way, does anyone out there write on an old typewriter?
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Make that spelling Fahrenheit. It’s one thing if I misspell my own writing. It’s another to misspell Ray’s.
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Ditto Kim. I’ve had some sleepless nights adjusting to the new place, and I’m always more concerned with forcing myself to sleep versus getting up and reveling in my awakeness. Funny thing is, I’m finding I function fine with not as much sleep. I hits walls, but they pass.
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Sinclair, you are impressing me big time with your reading! BTW, because of you, I’m reading The Adventures of Huck Finn out loud to Em. It’s a bit old for her, but she brings it to me most nights and asks for me to read it.
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QM: what is that top photo of? It reminds me simultaneously of Christmas and the top of a ride at a carnival.
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kim, I think that’s the downside of being a creative insomniac – having to go to work the next day and fit into the rest of the world’s routines and schedules. I usually find I’m exhausted after one of my 2 or 3 day late night creative jags.
It is crazy, isn’t it, how we can love sleep yet not be able to get to sleep. Nuts.
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Sinclair, Ray Bradbury wrote one of the best books on writing. The name escapes me at the moment but I’ve been looking for it on my shelves so I can re-read it.
Like ybonesy, I’m so impressed with your summer reading schedule. And you’re an inspiration for others. Reading takes time away from other things but it’s such a necessary part of writing. Thanks for inspiring us with your comments.
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ybonesy, the photograph was taken one night when Liz and I were out doing some nightshooting earlier in the year. We had a blast that night. I also took the Weisman photographs that night.
Anyway, it’s a night shot of the underbelly of the marquee at the Varsity Theater in Dinkytown. For me, it’s electric.
One great thing to do when you can’t sleep is to go out and take night photographs. It really opens up your photography.
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ybonesy, Great to hear you’re reading Huck Finn to Em! She must be getting something out of it (despite her young age), or she wouldn’t be asking for it every night. Have you hit any of the racist language in the book yet? How will you handle that?
Yes, I am devouring books right now. I feel like a wild, hungry animal tearing apart its kill…I can’t get enough. I have been longing to read these books for so many years, and now I suddenly have lots of time and energy to do so. What is getting less of my time is writing. This worries me a little. Maybe a lot. But where my energy is right now is with the likes of F.Scott Fitzgerald and Stephan Crane. I’m trying to trust that this is okay.
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QM,
I’d like to hear the title of Bradbury’s book about writing. The following is a paragraph from Fahrenheit 451 that so struck me that I wrote it down to hang in my writing area.
….”tell in detail, fresh detail. The good writers touch life often. The mediocre ones run a hand over her. The bad ones rape her and leave her for the flies.”
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The first book I read by Ray Bradbury was Dandelion Wine. I think I was about 18. I liked him from then on.
Bradbury’s book on writing is Zen In The Art of Writing. I think it was published around 1990. It’s a group of essays he wrote on his love of writing and one of the best books I’ve read on writing.
Here’s a link to the Ray Bradbury Wikipedia page (link).
One thing about Ray, he was a prolific writer. Check out all of his poetry books.
I wonder if the man EVER slept.
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So many of the great writers wrote books about writing. I’ve heard excerpts from Flannery O’Connor’s essays about writing, and I’m anxious to get my hands on those. Good for us, another resource to really sink our teeth into.
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I have another theory about insomnia. It’s currently 4:30 a.m, up since 2:00, went to bed angry at 10:30. My body and mind grow less and less tolerant of personal dishonesty the closer I get to living a life of truth. I had plans last night, simple and good. I was going to deliver a profile piece I wrote about a local theater owner who is closing his business after 40 years. 40 years of a one-screen theater playing foreign films. At the last minute, a shirt-tail friend called with free movie passes to a New Zealand flick. When she described the movie to me, I knew I wasn’t interested. Plus, I had other plans. But on the spot, I changed my Plan A and went to Plan B. Part of her plan was that I was to pick her up (I did), whereupon she made a rash of cell phone calls (none emergencies) while I drove. I parked in a space she told me was always free. After the impossibly boring and too-quirky-to-enjoy movie, we went out to my car to find a parking ticket on the windshield with the telltale wide red stripe. The free movie was now going to cost me $34. She made a very unconvincing comment about chipping in some money to pay for it, but didn’t waste any time getting out of her car after I had shuttled her home, leaving no cash for the wide red striped envelope.
I went to the Y to swim in an attempt to work out my frustrations. First, frustrated with her. Then, with myself. For giving up what I wanted to do without even thinking. For spending time with someone I have learned wants only to talk about her problems or talk on her cell when we’re together. For wasting time. For tossing myself away, even a few hours.
These things eat at me in the middle of the night. And wake me up.
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Sounds like a rough night, Sinclair. Shirt-tail friend – I had not heard that term before. But it seems to fit the situation perfectly. I like your last line. The things that keep us up at night, also wake us up.
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Yes, shirt-tail friend…one who hangs on and you drag them along. They expend no energy, you do all the work.
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I return to this post again, always a comfort when I am up in the middle of the night. Prior to tonight, I was in a hotel room in another state and sleeping like a baby. I got nine hours of deep sleep every night, no problem. So why am I awake now? Is it the caffeine I drank today? Is it the resume I have in an envelope waiting to mail tomorrow?
Sleep, sleep–elude me no more.
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[…] Dreams Of A Creative Insomniac […]
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I am so glad I have the RSS feed to red Ravine comments, because I discover old stuff that is brand new to me.
I am an insomniac in the highest sense of the form, not always a creative insomniac, though I wish. Sometimes I go 4 or 5 days on 15 hours of sleep. I am always thankful I don’t have a day job that requires me to actually function on some of those sleepless day afters.
I checked out the HBO schedule and I’m trying to figure out when Wide Awake is on, if it still is, definitely a documentary I want to see. Thanks for all the links. I keep meaning to do some serious research on insomnia, but then I’m sometimes just too tired. 🙂 Now maybe I’ll actually do some reading.
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Bo, wow, 4 or 5 days on 15 hours of sleep. That’s amazing. Good question about whether Wide Awake still airs on HBO. I don’t think their schedule is very user friendly (though they have some great documentaries). It looked like it was going to air in November but then I couldn’t tell for sure. I wonder if it might be easier to rent it. I bet it’s in the Independent or documentary section. If I run into another airing of it, I’ll let you know.
I wonder why it is that some people have more trouble sleeping than others? I hadn’t read these comments for a while. One person mentions how they sleep like a baby on vacation but then when they get back to their normal lives, have insomnia again. I know I often can’t sleep when I’m worried about something. Hmmm. More to ponder.
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[…] Dreams Of A Creative Insomniac […]
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[…] Light (Reprise), Insomnia Haiku: Counting Syllables In My Sleep, Mickey’s Night Owl Sandwich, Dreams Of A Creative Insomniac Rate this:Share this:TwitterFacebookStumbleUponDiggRedditLike this:LikeBe the first to like this […]
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[…] Northern Spark kicks off on Saturday, June 8th, at 8:58pm in Lowertown St. Paul, Minnesota. This will be our third year attending Northern Spark (a little history of the Nuit Blanche movement in this piece). Last year we stayed awake from dusk to dawn, and ended our night viewing the sunrise from the top of the Foshay Tower. It’s more difficult than you think to stay awake all night, an insomniac’s dream! […]
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