I got up early this morning–quarter to six. I had scheduled a phone meeting with one of my colleagues in the U.K. It turns out, though, that he declined the meeting some time while I was asleep. Rescheduled it for 12:30p my time, which cuts into his Friday night. But that’s the way he is. Works around the clock.
I thought people in their 30s were supposed to be less inclined to be workaholics than people in their 40s and 50s. Yet, the folks I work with who are in their 30s are pretty intense. Like this guy in Swindon who regularly works evenings, even Fridays. It’s confounding.
I mean, it’s true that in a global economy people end up working irregular hours. In the U.S. we often meet late afternoons and evenings with our colleagues in China, and we get up early to catch the Europeans. And the people in those parts of the world often have to be on hand during their own 8-5 day for local customers plus be available off-hours to call into meetings that are scheduled according to U.S.-friendly times. But still, why don’t people flex their hours when work cuts into personal time? Sleep in late or leave early if you start early. Have a life, a rich life (and I’m not talking money). Be present for your kids.
Maybe I spent too many years burning the candle at both ends, but I’ve reached a point where I don’t want to give all of me to my company. I have too many other passions to blow my wad at one place. That’s not to say I’m not a great employee. I am! I’m intelligent and unafraid to speak up. I see the big picture yet carry through on the details. I know process and deliver results. But, I refuse to make work my universe.
I don’t know if my colleague in the U.K. is as much of a workaholic as I suspect he is. Maybe he is flexing his days and I just don’t see it. But come 7:30 tonight, he should be with his family, not on the phone with me.
There was a time when I used to work myself to death – 50, 60, 70 hours a week. My health suffered for it. Looking back, I think I did it out of fear. And the money. It felt good to not have to worry about money. The other reason was that I didn’t have much of a personal life. I was isolated and spent a lot of time alone. Work seemed to fill a hole.
There was part of me that loved my job back then, too. The kudos. I was very good at what I did. But I just couldn’t find the balance. I think as I’ve gotten older, I feel a great need to balance all the different areas of my life that bring me joy – my writing and art, my relationship, my friends, and the work I do to make money.
It’s a delicate dance. There is no such thing as balance. Only the striving for it. I go in and out of the touchpoints on my circle of intimacy. And try to listen to what each one is saying to me.
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When I did it, it was because I loved what I was doing. And I felt a need to show that I loved what I was doing. I think that’s the part that’s waned–this need to show others at work how much I’m willing to sacrifice. That’s not a good employee–that’s a naive one, I think.
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Yeah, I know what you mean. One thing I learned pretty quickly, if you give an inch, some work places will take a mile. I don’t think it’s always intentional. It just seems in this day and age places are so shorthanded and try to cut corners anywhere they can. Unfortunately, sometimes the corners are people. I guess the need to show we love what we are doing is human – I wonder if sometimes we are only trying to prove it to ourselves.
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I love the line, ” I have too many passions to blow my wad at one place.” Exactly. I’m right there with you, ybonesy.
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Attending a prestigious university, I have seen people sacrifice ALL of their personal life in order to study and work. However, there are two types of people who put all of their time and effort into studying. The first is the person who actually enjoys what they study– the learner. The second type of person measures their success in relation to their academic achievements, more specifically their grades. It seems like at this age it is easy to be confused about who you are. Young adults– especially those attending a prestigious university– find it easiest to define themselves by their grades. They get good grades, and they receive praise from their peers and mentors. In this way, it is very easy to devote every moment of free time to studying. People become obsessed. I have a friend who, when we go out to dinner on a Friday evening, gets nervous if the check “takes to long”. She views a relaxed meal as a waste of studying time.
It seems like this behavior is becoming more common among young adults who are praised for their achievements– whether it be in work or at college. The achievements becomes an obsession, and the person strives to continue those achievments at any cost. Over-working gives a confused soul a path to follow.
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It starts young. People see their parents’ behavior, their parents’ priorities. A friend and I were talking the other day about a NYT article written by someone who sits on the Harvard admissions review team. Did you see it? The gist of it was that achievement levels have skyrocketed since he (the reviewer) got into Harvard and basically kids who are outstanding are rejected. So all this achievement and still it’s not enough. I worry about young people and what they’re being pushed to do and be.
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bex09, you seem to have an amazing perspective even in youth – a wise soul. It’s hard for me to imagine sacrificing all personal life for study or work. What happened to enjoying life while you’re young?
My neighbor said she’s going to be a grandmother soon. She was happy and disappointed at the same time. She said she was sad that her daughter (and new husband) weren’t going to take some time to travel and enjoy each other before the big house, 2.1 kids, SUV, 1 dog, 2 cats, strapped them to their young lives. When would freedom ever return?
We were talking about how important it is to balance things and take advantage of the time, space, increased energy, and fewer responsibilities that most times come with being young. It’s like ybonesy said, what is our culture pushing young people to do and be?
Your comments have been rich. I hope you’ll return!
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