I was listening to NPR early Saturday morning on the way to a meeting. The journalist was interviewing a soldier from Wisconsin who had been shipped to Iraq for another tour of duty. In his cache, the soldier had illegally stashed a stack of books, including a copy of Jack Kerouac’s On the Road. He said he had read it as a young man and it inspired him.
Thinking he would get in trouble if anyone discovered his bivouac library, the soldier seemed pleasantly surprised when his superior was happy he had packed the literature. They now regularly swap books.
At the end of the interview, the journalist asked the Wisconsin soldier how he reconciled reading On the Road in the middle of a raging war with the Beat Generation’s anti-war sentiments. The soldier responded, “War is hell. But I’m a soldier and this is my job. It’s what I signed up for. I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
When I got home last night, there was a program on PBS about the Blue Star Mothers of Minnesota. The Blue Star Mothers of America, an organization that originated in 1942 in Flint, Michigan, is a support group of mostly women whose sons and daughters have gone to war. If their children don’t come home, they become Gold Star Mothers. No mother ever wants to become a Gold Star Mother.
I watched with sad tenderness as these strong women told their stories. It reminded me of when I was about 12 or 13 and the 22-year-old boy, James, who had just married my young Aunt Emmalyne, was killed in Vietnam only months after he’d left South Carolina for the front lines. She was pregnant with a child that would never see his father. The impact on our family was immediate and devastating.
I later lost contact with my Aunt after we moved to the North. But in my 30’s, I happened to be in Washington, D.C. when the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, designed by Maya Ying Lin, was dedicated. There were veterans milling around everywhere – some decorated and in wheel chairs, some in civilian clothes, most in fatigues strolling the grounds solemn and teary eyed. It was a rainy afternoon. When you walk in the mist, you get wet.
I walked the 246 feet of black granite until I found my Uncle’s name. Then I reached up on tiptoes, placed the rectangular paper over the 9 letters, and rubbed a graphite pencil across the granite. After I was done, I placed a red rose at the base. It was very powerful. The paper is tucked away with my keepsakes.
War is a horrible thing. And families are stuck in the middle. How do they keep supporting their sons, daughters, husbands, and wives in the face of the adversity, deceit, and media spin that flies at them every day?
In Taos last year, a woman in the writing retreat wrote about her two sons preparing to go off to Iraq. I think that’s when I started to see how none of this is black and white. From an emotional perspective, there are no winners. There are losses. And more losses.
I don’t support this war. I don’t support any kind of war. I believe in working toward peaceful solutions. But I do have a new empathy for families and friends who go off to fight for what they believe are the right reasons – individual freedoms. And I support every person on this planet being able to celebrate the richness and freedoms I wake up with every morning. I take them for granted. I don’t want to do that anymore.
I want to remember my Uncle James and every sentient being who has ever perished in war. My way of doing that is to write. And I know of at least two soldiers who are reading another writer, Jack Kerouac, in their downtime in Iraq as a way to lift their spirits. So this is for them.
BELIEF & TECHNIQUE FOR MODERN PROSE
Jack Kerouac
1. Scribbled secret notebooks, and wild typewritten pages, for yr own joy
2. Submissive to everything, open, listening
3. Try never get drunk outside yr own house
4. Be in love with yr life
5. Something that you feel will find its own form
6. Be crazy dumbsaint of the mind
7. Blow as deep as you want to blow
8. Write what you want bottomless from bottom of the mind
9. The unspeakable visions of the individual
10. No time for poetry but exactly what is
11. Visionary tics shivering in the chest
12. In tranced fixation dreaming upon object before you
13. Remove literary, grammatical and syntactical inhibition
14. Like Proust be an old teahead of time
15. Telling the true story of the world in interior monolog
16. The jewel center of interest is the eye within the eye
17. Write in recollection and amazement for yourself
18. Work from pithy middle eye out, swimming in language sea
19. Accept loss forever
20. Believe in the holy contour of life
21. Struggle to sketch the flow that already exists intact in mind
22. Dont think of words when you stop but to see picture better
23. Keep track of every day the date emblazoned in yr morning
24. No fear or shame in the dignity of yr experience, language & knowledge
25. Write for the world to read and see yr exact pictures of it
26. Bookmovie is the movie in words, the visual American form
27. In praise of Character in the Bleak inhuman Loneliness
28. Composing wild, undisciplined, pure, coming in from under, crazier the better
29. You’re a Genius all the time
30. Writer-Director of Earthly movies Sponsored & Angeled in Heaven
Sunday, April 29th, 2007
My God, what a great list! Crazier the better bleak inhuman loneliness dumbsaint mind writing in recollection and amazement of self…
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This is such a moving post. And this list… I’m going to keep coming back to it.
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My favorite – accept loss forever.
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When I look at Quoin Monkey’s posts, I am pushed to believe that while her favorite is “accept loss forever,” her art is the embodiment of :Write for the world to read and see yr exact pictures of it”
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QM, Thanks for the comments at Starting Over and Daily Art. Love this post too. Odd that the entry from the list that most startled and affected me is the same…. “accept loss forever”. Trying to do that. But painful. Love your writing and the writers with whom you share this blogspace. Am adding you to my blogroll at both sites. Kindred spirits with the love of the visual AND written message. Thanks for your kind notes during recent family loss. anitamorrell and dailyart.wordpress.com
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Thank you all for your kind words. And thanks so much for adding us to your blogrolls. Kindred spirits – I like those words. They remind me we don’t have to do it alone. It’s a good mix, the written and visual, isn’t it? The way they inform each other can be so powerful.
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[…] She planted the deck flowers: tickseed, Meadow Cranesbill geraniums, Oranges and Lemons, red poppies, Fragoo Pink strawberries, and leaf lettuce in the garden. In between: cloudy gray rain, fall gusts, striated slats of sun, stunned clouds propelled by 25mph winds. It doesn’t feel like summer. Drove by the cemetery to see 100’s of flags in honor of Memorial Day. Thought of the uncle I lost in Vietnam. […]
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[…] to post, Kerouac Goes To War Sunday, July 22nd, […]
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[…] -related to post, Kerouac Goes To War […]
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Thinking about Uncle James today so went and found him on the wall again – Panel 20W – Line 32 – The Vietnam Veterans Memorial – The Wall-USA (LINK). (Wall info at THIS LINK.)
A few years ago after this post was written, I reconnected with my Aunt Emmalyne again after nearly 40 years. I told her I had visited the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in 1984. It happened to be on November 11, 1984, when all three units (the wall, the statue, and the flag) were combined. There was a big dedication and we were passing through. The visit wasn’t planned; it was very powerful.
She had visited the Memorial, too, taken her son whom Uncle James never got to see. (She was pregnant when he left for Vietnam.) When we reconnected, she told me a story that happened hours after Uncle James died in 1969 that made the hairs on my arm stand on end. I’m grateful for his service. May he rest in peace.
____________________
JAMES NATHANIEL GAY (LINK)
SP4 – E4 – Army – Selective Service
Length of service 1 years
His tour began on Dec 5, 1968
Casualty was on Jul 21, 1969
In BINH LONG, SOUTH VIETNAM
HOSTILE, GROUND CASUALTY
MULTIPLE FRAGMENTATION WOUNDS
Body was recovered
Panel 20W – Line 32
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[…] – Accept loss forever. Learned this from Kerouac, then from Natalie Goldberg. Easy to say, hard to do. Makes the world a much better place to […]
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Every Memorial Day, I think about my Uncle James and visiting the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in DC. Today is no exception. I also think about Aunt Emmalyne, who I reconnected with after almost 40 years (see comments above). One of the things we talked about was James, and an unexpected visit he made to her. He is the only person I’ve ever known directly who has died in war. His sacrifice makes it real for me.
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Memorial weekend, May 30th, 2011. I am thinking of Uncle James. And all who sacrificed so that we may live in peace. Never forgotten.
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I just went to the Wall web page and commented for Uncle James. Each time, I read again about the Wall—the Vietnam Veterans Memorial designed by Maya Ying Lin (See links in the post above).
Some day I hope to go back through my film negatives from 1984 and dig out the photos of the time I visited the Memorial. It was the year it was dedicated and there were veterans everywhere on the grounds. I had moved from Montana and was traveling East before settling down in Minnesota. I’ll never forget it.
To all whose names are preserved on the Wall — rest in peace.
_____________
WHAT ARE THE SYMBOLS BY THE NAMES?
The diamonds and pluses (crosses) indicate whether a person is confirmed dead (those who died in accidents are included) or missing/whereabouts unknown. The diamond indicates a person’s death was confirmed. The pluses (crosses) indicate that a person remains missing and unaccounted for and in no way are meant to be a religious symbol. A plus (cross) symbol can be easily turned into a diamond if a person is declared dead (such as the return of their remains). A circle (as a symbol of life) will be inscribed around the plus if the person comes back alive. As of this time, no circle appears on the wall. On the West wall the symbols precede the names, while on the East wall they follow the names.
WHAT KIND OF STONE IS THIS?
It is black granite from Bangalore, India, one of only three places in the world (the other countries are Sweden and South Africa) that you could get this amount of black granite in large sizes. Rogan Granite Industries was responsible for obtaining the stone. It is used for the walls, safety curbs and walkways. The lettering is light gray in color, the natural color of the abraded stone, which contrasts sharply with the polished black surface, making it extremely legible.
WHERE WAS THE STONE CUT?
All cutting and fabrication were done in Barre, Vermont. The variations in color and texture between the panels and the curbs and walkways are a result of different finishing techniques, i.e. polishing, honing and flame treating.
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[…] visited the Vietnam Veterans Memorial site and left Uncle James a message. He is not forgotten. One day I will take the time to go back through my film archives and locate […]
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[…] ♦ 20. Believe in the holy contour of life — Jack Kerouac from BELIEF & TECHNIQUE FOR MODERN PROSE […]
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Memorial weekend, May 28th, 2012. I did not forget about you Uncle James. And all those who gave their lives for the benefit of others.
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[…] a war—my Uncle James. When I visited the Vietnam Veterans Memorial at its dedication, I did a rubbing of his name (Panel 20W – Line 32). And when I started blogging, I discovered the Vietnam Veterans Memorial website where I began […]
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