I love the way you and your cousin, John, would do recall after you would interview people in Holcomb. That’s a great tool we learned from Natalie, isn’t it? I did that a little bit with my mother after we met with people I had not seen in ages. And I did it with my brother after meeting with Mrs. Juarez.

You also pointed out some other ideas in your comment (some of which I used, too, when I was Down South) that people might find helpful. Good insights.

things we had thought forgotten will arise, suddenly to consciousness years later, or, undetected, shape the course of our lives

It’s profound to think about the way a memory or thought can rise later to change or shape our lives. With all the wisdom of aging and moving forward, we can absorb it in a whole new way.

I guess then letting ourselves be re-shaped by that is a great form of beginner’s mind.

Beginner’s Mind is like that, too. To walk the thin line of the present moment, without jumping to the past or the future, is very difficult, a real balancing act, yes, like riding a bicycle or walking a tightrope….

I thought about that a lot when I was away. I’m telling you, when I’d be sitting there with important people from my time growing up there, and they would be talking about their memories and I’d be having mine at the same time, I’d look for a way to ground into the moment.

Sometimes it would be as simple as looking down at the age spots on my hands and how much my body has changed! Body movements or breath would often keep me tethered to the present. But my mind was working overtime, stepping between worlds.

It seems very connected to what we learned in Taos last year. Sitting in the body, letting the mind roam, bringing it back, grounding to breath, sound, heart, body.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation (link)

That’s also the summer I realized how good Dee was, how good we all are when we don’t have a monkey in our heads telling us otherwise. Dee showed me what beginner’s mind was.

To answer your question about my old diaries - now that I think about it, I think you are right. They would be all edited with short sentences like, “We went to the lake. My summer was good.”

I’m not sure. If I run across any of them, I’ll post something on it. I know my old journals (before writing practice) are somewhat boring accounts of my day-to-day life. I’m so happy to have learned about practice and first thoughts from Natalie Goldberg.

feeling tempted to make up something that sounds really sensational & literary, and then finally just telling the truth. “I have no idea. It’s all just ruminating in my mind.” This isn’t the most popular of answers.

I have to say, when I was collecting all of the information and interviewing people, I did have the thought a few times, “What if it takes me years to write this book?”

I was sure people were going to be asking me what I did with all that material. I decided to let myself off the hook. It’s only been a few days since I got back. But in the meantime, I hope to write a few smaller articles or essays leading up to working on the memoir (and maybe even becoming a part of it).

It all has to unfold as it does. Too much pressure, and I’m sure I wouldn’t write anything!

BTW, your use of the word, Sister [Take your time, sister. More will be revealed.] – it’s a common phrasing for family members in the South. My mother was called Sister when she was growing up. I asked about it a lot when I was there, but did not get a definitive answer.

Can’t wait to see what you do with all the Holcomb material. Is there some way you organized it all when you got home? I’m always curious about people’s processes with gathering writing material.

Or this exchange I had with Natalie:

S: So you continue to write even when it feels like a mountain?
N: Yes, little by little, and then you become the mountain.

“walked the thin line between past and present”

and it was disorienting, because you visited both in the same moment. It is hard to stay open to that. My mind wants me to choose and to jump down onto one side or the other. But, you, on the high wire, did not choose. You actually walked the thin line and stayed with both. Bravo!

Beginner’s Mind is like that, too. To walk the thin line of the present moment, without jumping to the past or the future, is very difficult, a real balancing act, yes, like riding a bicycle or walking a tightrope….

I wonder if you found your old diaries, QM, how would your writing be? First thoughts? By 13, my editor was already kicked in and I was already laboring over what I was committing to paper.

I like the word swoon You just don’t hear words like that anymore. I’m trying to think of other words you don’t hear anymore.

Happily, I’m going to stay on the current track of Lost and New. Now where was I? First thoughts. I like what you said about first thoughts.

Lost and all alone
I always thought that I could make it on my own
Since you left I hardly make it through the day
My tears get in the way
And I need you back to stay

(Lionel Richie…geez…

Lost and all alone
I always thought that I could make it on my own
And then you went and something something something something
Something something lost my way
And I need you back to stay…

What an interesting image that brought! Imagining myself not afraid because I was lost rather I was invigorated by it.

R3